I'm unwanted.


New member
I don't think I'll ever learn to come peace with the fact that I'm a social outcast. I've been this way since teenage hood and still am at 30 years old. People just don't gravitate towards me. I'm just not good looking nor am I intelligent or a social butterfly. I don't have anything to offer besides having a good heart. But having a good heart is not enough. This has been giving me depression since I ever realised I was an outcast, that I am subject to rejection. This is making me cry right now but I remember being as young as 13 years old and knowing this. Just remembering this poor kid, so naive at that age, abandoned and lonely. I spent most of my teenage years alone. I have no social skills. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation with someone. I get jealous when I see people make friends with one another so naturally. I really wish I was never born, what I experienced in life I wish nobody else experiences it. The feeling of abandonment, undesired and unwanted. Nobody finding interest in being with me. I don't know how to accept it. I'm used to it, but I never accepted it. 😔
Even if 99.9% of people don't like you, there's the other 0.1% to work on finding. Being a social outcast won't matter if you can make a couple really good friends, and there's no time limit on finding them.

I've spent almost all of my life alone, but there were those brief moments when I connected with someone (in my 30s) that showed me it's possible and worthwhile, so now I'm just trying to find the next such moment. Might be another 20 years, but so be it.