I'm unwanted.

TheSocialPhobe

New member
I don't think I'll ever learn to come peace with the fact that I'm a social outcast. I've been this way since teenage hood and still am at 30 years old. People just don't gravitate towards me. I'm just not good looking nor am I intelligent or a social butterfly. I don't have anything to offer besides having a good heart. But having a good heart is not enough. This has been giving me depression since I ever realised I was an outcast, that I am subject to rejection. This is making me cry right now but I remember being as young as 13 years old and knowing this. Just remembering this poor kid, so naive at that age, abandoned and lonely. I spent most of my teenage years alone. I have no social skills. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation with someone. I get jealous when I see people make friends with one another so naturally. I really wish I was never born, what I experienced in life I wish nobody else experiences it. The feeling of abandonment, undesired and unwanted. Nobody finding interest in being with me. I don't know how to accept it. I'm used to it, but I never accepted it. 😔
 
Even if 99.9% of people don't like you, there's the other 0.1% to work on finding. Being a social outcast won't matter if you can make a couple really good friends, and there's no time limit on finding them.

I've spent almost all of my life alone, but there were those brief moments when I connected with someone (in my 30s) that showed me it's possible and worthwhile, so now I'm just trying to find the next such moment. Might be another 20 years, but so be it.
 

grapevine

Well-known member
I think its abandonment that makes you feel like that, but it doesnt mean any of those things are true. I know it feels like it and can really hurt inside, but believing in a narrative of yourself - even being an outcast means you are special in a good way kind of thing. I have these dips how you describe and i indulge in them but then always try to get back up.
Try to lift myself up and not care about needing anyone but about me needing me to look after myself and care about myself, lift myself up, enjoy what i like and try to live for those things. Ive spent a decade alone and lots of times not alone and the difference has always been when ive worked on myself to care for myself - lived with self care- meaning when ive worked on my self-esteem and cared about those things i didn't like about myself- when i was able to face them and work around them and start at some sort of basis with myself for myself, ive found people have gravitated towards me and liked me for me in those times.
Theres a whole psychology around it.
 

TheSocialPhobe

New member
I think its abandonment that makes you feel like that, but it doesnt mean any of those things are true. I know it feels like it and can really hurt inside, but believing in a narrative of yourself - even being an outcast means you are special in a good way kind of thing. I have these dips how you describe and i indulge in them but then always try to get back up.
Try to lift myself up and not care about needing anyone but about me needing me to look after myself and care about myself, lift myself up, enjoy what i like and try to live for those things. Ive spent a decade alone and lots of times not alone and the difference has always been when ive worked on myself to care for myself - lived with self care- meaning when ive worked on my self-esteem and cared about those things i didn't like about myself- when i was able to face them and work around them and start at some sort of basis with myself for myself, ive found people have gravitated towards me and liked me for me in those times.
Theres a whole psychology around it.
A bit late of me, but thank you for this response. A year has past and I've done so much work on myself. I can safely say I'm happier than I was. I'm working on self love and self respect that I feel emotionally stronger in terms of rejection. I'm not 100%, not yet at least, but so much better that's for sure.
 

lily

Well-known member
w/ God, all you have to be is have a good heart and He will provide for you. we have to gain a correct and healthy perspective on the world and God.
 

lily

Well-known member
To explain it better, you have said that you have a good heart, that's great! if you have a good heart it is from God. God is good and hates sin. We still sin. There's a spiritual battle b/t God and Satan. Satan is a liar and deceives, that's why there's a battle w/ us b/t righteousness and sin. If we're more righteous than a sinner, it's because our parents taught us well and loved us and lived Godly, etc.
 
Last edited:

lily

Well-known member
You seemed so sad last year and this year you're a lot better, what helped you if you don't mind sharing? If you'd like to keep it to yourself personally then that's fine too. :)
 

lily

Well-known member
also you can PM me if you'd like. I don't judge if you're not a social butterfly but I see that you're a good writer so it automatically lets me believe you're intelligent.
 

lily

Well-known member
Y'know, people out there seem happy like there's nothing wrong but the reality is that everyone is, or if they're younger, will be, going through something so even if they're not going through what you're going through, they're still going through something but we just have to do our best to take care of ourselves and have our lives in line w/ God's. Sorry for so many messages.
 

lily

Well-known member
Don't feel too bad, not everyone wants a boyfriend who's good-looking. I don't want one who's good-looking bc I don't feel very good-looking myself. I got my hair damaged after I dyed it and now I have to use a natural buttery hairspray leave-in-conditioner for it to look nice or the nicest. I'm not sure if it's getting back healthier again. I'm just not sure. Also I took courses in Holistic Nutrition school but I'm scared to take the rest and find that I fail. Also, my medication gives me a lack of motivation and my psychiatrist frustrates me bc she wants her way and I want another route. she believes in her route, I believe in my route based on what I saw. So I'm not sure if it's the medication that's causing me to be less smart or if I'm just not that smart anyway, but I do believe I'm very smart in other ways, and I think you seem that way too. please don't totally discount yourself. but I know someone who also went away from the program due to feeling it's too hard. I find it's not the material, it's the time limit. W/ being a social butterfly, I like people who are just natural when talking, not thinking too much, and liking to talk to you so you have options.
 
Last edited:

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
I don't think I'll ever learn to come peace with the fact that I'm a social outcast. I've been this way since teenage hood and still am at 30 years old. People just don't gravitate towards me. I'm just not good looking nor am I intelligent or a social butterfly. I don't have anything to offer besides having a good heart. But having a good heart is not enough. This has been giving me depression since I ever realised I was an outcast, that I am subject to rejection. This is making me cry right now but I remember being as young as 13 years old and knowing this. Just remembering this poor kid, so naive at that age, abandoned and lonely. I spent most of my teenage years alone. I have no social skills. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation with someone. I get jealous when I see people make friends with one another so naturally. I really wish I was never born, what I experienced in life I wish nobody else experiences it. The feeling of abandonment, undesired and unwanted. Nobody finding interest in being with me. I don't know how to accept it. I'm used to it, but I never accepted it. 😔
You are not alone! I can relate to you so much. I was never good at socializing and making/keeping friends. I normally okay with my life of solitude but sometimes i get real depressed and sad. I feel like the older I get the harder it is to try to get friends. I feel like I had no social skills but I try a little bit to get better. I am not the best at it. I think by writing this you are trying to get better. I dont think you are unwanted. We are all here together!
 

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
A bit late of me, but thank you for this response. A year has past and I've done so much work on myself. I can safely say I'm happier than I was. I'm working on self love and self respect that I feel emotionally stronger in terms of rejection. I'm not 100%, not yet at least, but so much better that's for sure.
Looks like I was late to this too. I am glad you are working on your self. Hope you are still going strong!
 

lily

Well-known member
regardless of how you look, we're all the same, no different. it's just sometimes people's experiences shape their personality to good or bad
 
Last edited:

lily

Well-known member
hi! I just wanted to say, I don't want to discount what you're saying. I know how you feel :( I used to have the same problem of feeling not entirely good enough and I still have insecurities but all of my insecurities altogether don't bother me like it did before. I learned and have a different perspective and things now and let me tell you a real story, I know someone who's not very good-looking, doesn't feel very intelligent or intelligent and isn't a social butterfly except with her partner and they have people who want/love to be their friend. There might be something else that's hindering you from not being gravitated towards, perhaps your avoidance and lack of openess! A lot of people in this world could be feeling like you; in fact, even a lot of people aren't goodlooking in this world or that intelligent or that much of a social butterfly and at first impression they might judge the outside, but especially when they see you open up, they start to see something else and like you! And social skills can be learned. You can also read educational books and become intelligent/knowledgeable.

A lot of people don't really have everything but they have a good heart and that's what I like. I enjoy being with people who have a good heart. You're lucky you have that.
 
Last edited:

lily

Well-known member
I want to add that to me, I think that if a guy isn't good-looking but has some feature that's cute to you or some sort of attraction or perhaps is just a really nice guy, you can still attract the girls/women. I also find that if you're w/ a less good-looking guy, you don't have to try so hard to be so great looking yourself and that they'd be more humble and sweet and more appreciative of less good-looking people too, not only the perfect looking super models and less shallow.
 
Last edited:

lily

Well-known member
also, if you'll be more self-conscious of how you look then to have to have some sort of cute feature or attraction about you, I'll tell you that some people might not see it but others will and that then beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sorry I talk a lot. Since I have free time now I tend to just have more time for others.
 
Last edited:
Top