I'm scared

Earthcircle

Well-known member
I am 48 years old, and have had roughly 14 years of therapy and a long list of medications. Nothing helped, and I found some of the therapy to be abusive. My career is falling apart, and I fear running out of resources for living, at least at some point. I have no self-esteem, and have no social skills. People are uncomfortable around me, and I have no idea how to make friends. I am shocked that I have the same problems now that I had when I first went into therapy as a child at age 15.

I'm scared.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Sorry to hear that, Earthcircle. I am 50 and feel the same way. People are sometimes hostile to me. I am also concerned about losing my job, and ebing able to make my way in the world with serious anxiety.
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
I actually have no job. Whether or not I have one in the future, I don't know. It's just amazing to me that I can't talk to people. I try to talk to someone half my age, and they know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. Why is that? I've had tons of practice by this time.
 

planemo

Well-known member
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. :sad:

You're not alone in feeling scared. I'm afraid of not ever being able to find a job due to my trouble interacting with others, and being able to keep myself financially afloat without relying on others. I'm scared that therapy won't change me into a better functioning human being, since it seems like i was created with a major deficit when compared to other people. so i feel your pain. i'm not even sure if that should be result of going into therapy. if it is, i seem very far off from that milestone.

hang in there and keep strong. i hope things change for the better for you.
 

hexagon_sun

Well-known member
I'm kind of angry, because I went into therapy thinking that it is supposed to do something.

I'm in the same boat as far as therapy. I'm still looking for a good therapist. Unfortunately, they are hard to come by. I would continue looking. I'll keep a look out myself if there is a good mental health websites for referals. Hang in there. Your not alone in being lonely... Where have you tried to meet people before?
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
I'm in the same boat as far as therapy. I'm still looking for a good therapist. Unfortunately, they are hard to come by. I would continue looking. I'll keep a look out myself if there is a good mental health websites for referals. Hang in there. Your not alone in being lonely... Where have you tried to meet people before?

In the past, I would pick up men online. I would also move a lot from city to city, and even from country to country. Putting down roots was practically impossible. Now, I am isolated out in the country, and have no idea how to meet anyone. I am also unemployed. It's pretty bad.
 

OCDd

Well-known member
I'm kind of angry, because I went into therapy thinking that it is supposed to do something.

Oh man, i know, its kinda bs and it really only works for some people i really found help with medicine but the therapy did little to nothing, but my psychiatrist is really really cool so i really just got relief from him and he got the perfect dosage and stuff, but i dont do therapy. he has a good sense of humor witch helps but if it werent for the meds, i have really gotten no success with psychological help, try praying man, keep a good relationship with God, or start one if you dont already have one, it is never too late. he will help you through the ups and downs, you can just talk to him in your head too and he can be comforting especially when no one is around, and you can ask/talk with him about anything. Hope you get better, good luck and God bless :)
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Sorry to hear that. Sounds terrible! I wish I had some advice. I guess for now, online interaction will be your best bet. Hopefully, you can find someone reasonably close to where you are.
 
I actually have no job. Whether or not I have one in the future, I don't know. It's just amazing to me that I can't talk to people. I try to talk to someone half my age, and they know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. Why is that? I've had tons of practice by this time.

You're talking to us right now, aren't you? You've got a coherent mind that conveys thoughts, emotions and reason just fine. The real question is, what is is about direct audible communication that's so different?

You've got the tools, just no established method of using them (yet). And I guess the question is that same for every single one of us here (me included); what is it exactly that's holding you back?
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
You're talking to us right now, aren't you? You've got a coherent mind that conveys thoughts, emotions and reason just fine. The real question is, what is is about direct audible communication that's so different?

You've got the tools, just no established method of using them (yet). And I guess the question is that same for every single one of us here (me included); what is it exactly that's holding you back?

When I talk naturally, I tend to sound highly erudite and, according to some people, rather gay. And I obviously am gay. It makes me self conscious. Also, I can't talk about my family, because I don't have one.
 
[ Effects of Bullying Last Into Adulthood, Study Finds - NYTimes.com ]

I experienced lots of bullying, mainly from my father. I also consider some of the treatment I got from mental health professionals to be bullying, which is one reason why I'm not enthusiastic about them at all. I would rather join an ashram and follow a guru than see a mental health professional.

Sorry to hear you suffered bullying from your own father.:sad:
I had an abusive therapist too. It was the very first one I ever went to actually. When it became obvious that her methods were not working, she placed all the blame on me and actually started insulting me!:eek: (I was only 15 at the time)
As for the study into the effects of bullying lasting long into adulthhood, well duh! :eek:h:
They would have found this out much earlier if society had not just swept childhood bullying under the carpet and ignored it's effects for so long.
 
When I talk naturally, I tend to sound highly erudite and, according to some people, rather gay. And I obviously am gay. It makes me self conscious. Also, I can't talk about my family, because I don't have one.

Nothing's wrong about being gay mate. Real friends should accept you. This f*cked up society is just messed up. People should love you whom you are!

Your situation is sad but there are ways to make it more bearable, maybe you can meet people online on SPW for example, you made this step already, just start and PM some people, or try to date maybe, maybe love can help you, a lover who accepts you, despite of your SA and struggles? Isn't real love accepting who you are?

About therapy... Have you tried more therapists or only 1 those 14 years? Have you thought about trying another person? Or maybe you should get an intensive program, like a professional who knows what he's talking about?

Meds, yeah, the pills ain't magic. So I know how that feels. It feels like they wanna put ya on Drugs. Like XTC makes you happy,so does anti depressants..

But I think for you, emotional support, love, friends, maybe a nice activity, a good holiday? Would be emotionally good for you?

Sorry I tried my best, hope it helps
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
Nothing's wrong about being gay mate. Real friends should accept you. This f*cked up society is just messed up. People should love you whom you are!

Your situation is sad but there are ways to make it more bearable, maybe you can meet people online on SPW for example, you made this step already, just start and PM some people, or try to date maybe, maybe love can help you, a lover who accepts you, despite of your SA and struggles? Isn't real love accepting who you are?

About therapy... Have you tried more therapists or only 1 those 14 years? Have you thought about trying another person? Or maybe you should get an intensive program, like a professional who knows what he's talking about?

Meds, yeah, the pills ain't magic. So I know how that feels. It feels like they wanna put ya on Drugs. Like XTC makes you happy,so does anti depressants..

But I think for you, emotional support, love, friends, maybe a nice activity, a good holiday? Would be emotionally good for you?

Sorry I tried my best, hope it helps

I have moved in with my mother, who is elderly and needs almost constant attention. Pursuing a social life is impossible. And I can't move out now, because she can't take care of herself.
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
Nothing's wrong about being gay mate. Real friends should accept you. This f*cked up society is just messed up. People should love you whom you are!

Your situation is sad but there are ways to make it more bearable, maybe you can meet people online on SPW for example, you made this step already, just start and PM some people, or try to date maybe, maybe love can help you, a lover who accepts you, despite of your SA and struggles? Isn't real love accepting who you are?

About therapy... Have you tried more therapists or only 1 those 14 years? Have you thought about trying another person? Or maybe you should get an intensive program, like a professional who knows what he's talking about?

Meds, yeah, the pills ain't magic. So I know how that feels. It feels like they wanna put ya on Drugs. Like XTC makes you happy,so does anti depressants..

But I think for you, emotional support, love, friends, maybe a nice activity, a good holiday? Would be emotionally good for you?

Sorry I tried my best, hope it helps

I had so many therapists, I lost count a long time ago. I have a hard time believing in therapy. At this point, I am more drawn to self-hypnosis and meditation -- but those things obviously are not very social.
 
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