Dennis1980
Active member
Almost a year ago, I befriended a co-worker who is bi-polar. We became close, and I shared with her details about me that I never have with anybody else.
I don't have many friends, and she was probably the closest friend I ever had.
We had a big fight in December over a misunderstanding. We "got back together again" in January. But it wasn't like it was last year.
She has gotten a little more critcal of me over the past few weeks, but that's normal, because she was helping be more sociable.
Throughout our friendship she always suggested I go see a psychiatrist and a psychologist (I haven't seen a psychologist in years - my doctors said I was doing fine). Whenever she brought that up, I would normally change the subject or ignore her suggestion.
I wasn't seeing any professional, but I was seeing some social worker/advisor. During this time, I was doing what I always do with these people. I lied. After a certain amount of time, I start to lie to make myself less of a loser in the other person's eyes. So I knew if I went to see a psychiatrist/ologist, I would just lie and not talk about what is really bothering me (like sex). I don't want to waste my time and money on something that I know will not work.
I can't even do one CBT thingamajig. I have a book to write my emotions, but I just can't do it. I just ignore it.
I think I'm unfixable, and just buying time until I gain the courage to kill myself. Or hope I magically become better.
I don't think either will happen.
Well either way, I told my feelings to my friend. And she got really upset with me, and unfriended me because she doesn't want to spend time with a loser who doesn't want to better themselves. She also gave ame a bunch of other BS reasons, which could have been addressed immediately, but instead she chose to give me the cold shoulder until she got the courage to write me an e-mail weeks later.
I was sad that I lost a good friend at first. Then I was pissed. I really wanted to tell her off and point all of her mistakes and errors.
Then I was fine. I wrote her back essentially confirming that we end the friendship. I could spend hours telling you what I wrote, but essentially I said her friendship was unreliable and too dramatic for me. I did not want to be a part of something where we fight a lot, have to fear her ending the relationship every time something goes wrong in her life, having to explain my actions, etc....
Right now, I'm depressed. Not because I lost her friendship (I don't blame her - I would do the same thing), but because I can't keep friends. I will probably never make another true friend again. I'm going to be alone forever.
I never had a girlfriend, and I never will. I'm so lonely.
I can't take it anymore.
I don't have many friends, and she was probably the closest friend I ever had.
We had a big fight in December over a misunderstanding. We "got back together again" in January. But it wasn't like it was last year.
She has gotten a little more critcal of me over the past few weeks, but that's normal, because she was helping be more sociable.
Throughout our friendship she always suggested I go see a psychiatrist and a psychologist (I haven't seen a psychologist in years - my doctors said I was doing fine). Whenever she brought that up, I would normally change the subject or ignore her suggestion.
I wasn't seeing any professional, but I was seeing some social worker/advisor. During this time, I was doing what I always do with these people. I lied. After a certain amount of time, I start to lie to make myself less of a loser in the other person's eyes. So I knew if I went to see a psychiatrist/ologist, I would just lie and not talk about what is really bothering me (like sex). I don't want to waste my time and money on something that I know will not work.
I can't even do one CBT thingamajig. I have a book to write my emotions, but I just can't do it. I just ignore it.
I think I'm unfixable, and just buying time until I gain the courage to kill myself. Or hope I magically become better.
I don't think either will happen.
Well either way, I told my feelings to my friend. And she got really upset with me, and unfriended me because she doesn't want to spend time with a loser who doesn't want to better themselves. She also gave ame a bunch of other BS reasons, which could have been addressed immediately, but instead she chose to give me the cold shoulder until she got the courage to write me an e-mail weeks later.
I was sad that I lost a good friend at first. Then I was pissed. I really wanted to tell her off and point all of her mistakes and errors.
Then I was fine. I wrote her back essentially confirming that we end the friendship. I could spend hours telling you what I wrote, but essentially I said her friendship was unreliable and too dramatic for me. I did not want to be a part of something where we fight a lot, have to fear her ending the relationship every time something goes wrong in her life, having to explain my actions, etc....
Right now, I'm depressed. Not because I lost her friendship (I don't blame her - I would do the same thing), but because I can't keep friends. I will probably never make another true friend again. I'm going to be alone forever.
I never had a girlfriend, and I never will. I'm so lonely.
I can't take it anymore.
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