I'm a D.A. w/o anti-depressant

[cowboyup]

I've had a casual thing going on for a few weeks with some guy from college .... fwb thing.

Since I've been sick I blurted out to him, "so I guess this is every guy's dream - a girl who can't talk & one ear I can't hear out of..only thing lacking is that I am not blind and not a virgin...hey, you're half way there to banging Helen Keller.
Isn't that every guy's dream"

*side note* the can't talk part is that I have laryngitis-my voice is very raspy
and the can't hear out of one ear is that on top of laryngitis I have sinus troubles

HOLY SMOKES do I regret saying that. How could I be so rude? and Insensitive? Needless to say he was stunned, and said, NO that's not what we think...there are some of us who are actually decent men. -- well I gathered my things and left crying I was so embarrassed.
I texted him saying I was sorry. I was too embarrassed to go into details. It's bad enough I'll have to see him in class....my head is really hanging low on this one

I have been off my anti-depressant for over a month now, and I get back into my habit of being sarcastic, rude and downright mean. oh and impatient.
Maybe it's just the way I am - a mean, selfish, stupid idiot.

Before that incident, I got some notion stuck in my head that my paintings were never going to sell, were not good enough and who did I think I was trying to sell the ugly things, so I gathered them up and threw them all away - all 42 canvas paintings. My brother saw them in the garbage (subconsciously I knew he would-right?) and yelled at me as to why I did that. I told him "My" reasoning....he set me straight - at least for now and dug them all out of the garbage and then asked how much was my medicine.
I told him and he went and got it for me...

Am I a crazy chick going through a mid life crisis with depression THAT bad?

Guys, I feel so stupid for acting like a brat. I am so embarrassed by my actions. No adult should act that way. i should have control over it.

 

[dottie]

don't be so hard on yourself. so, you had a couple mood swings. no big deal. we all put our foot in our mouth sometimes. it doesn't mean you are off-your-rocker.

 

[dottie]

what is d.a?

 

[cowboyup]

what is d.a?

D.A. is my abbreviation for dumb a$$

 

[dottie]

oh lol
...............

 

[laure15]

It's ok, we're not perfect. Sometimes we inadvertently blurt out things that can hurt others' feelings, but at least you apologized for it.

 

[cosmosis]

Ahh...what the hell...I find the comment absolutely hilarious and I consider myself very sensitive. I love twisted humor like that. I think some people can be a little too sensitive in the wrong ways these days. I don't think you meant to be rude or anything. Sorry to hear that you wanted to throw away your paintings though That makes me sad. The comment was hilarious though.

 

[JackOfSpades]

I'm not going to lie, I'd have been offended too. I'm not sensitive to a lot, but I am to women questioning my motivations as a man. It feels like a cheap shot. But things happen, and I hope you get through it. Don't be too hard on yourself. We do all put our foot in our mouths, like Dottie said.

 

[JackOfSpades]

It also seems like a very self effacing comment to make. As if you don't like yourself. That negates the humor in it, to me.

 

[cowboyup]

I know, right?! At first I thought this was going to be a funny story. Especially with the added laryngitis part. But everything went downhill from there.

I don't think your a dumb ass cowboyup. That's rather modest to say the least. If anything I thought that was a very clever remark. There's no reason for us to believe your selfish, stupid. or mean. I'm sorry that your feeling that way and had such a terrible experience. My heart really goes out to you. Is your brother supportive and understanding? I'm glad that he helped you save your paintings. I would love to be able to see them; I've spent the majority of my life traveling around to art galleries. I'm sure your brother appreciates your work a lot and really cares about you.

I hate imposing like this. May I ask why you aren't on anti-depressant anymore? If you don't feel comfortable answering, please don't feel that you need to. I'd just like to encourage you to talk to a doctor about it. As much as we want to, we cannot rationalize away a mental illness. Believe me, everybody tells themselves that they should be able to just control it. But we can't.

Take it easy cowboyup. I hope that with a nights rest, your embarrassment will ease.

^Yes I am grateful my brother 'rescued' the paintings.
I was off the meds because, honeslty, I could not afford them; that's why my brother asked what was the matter with me and when I broke down and told him, he went and got my medication...hopefully my 'outbursts' will subside. Generally speaking, I have the kind of humor some people will either find offensive, sardonic, or hilarious. or all three .... imagine that. With meds, I am much more 'likeable' and 'tame'

 

[coyote]

my middle initials are D.A.

we'd get along great :]

 

[cowboyup]

I'm not going to lie, I'd have been offended too. I'm not sensitive to a lot, but I am to women questioning my motivations as a man. It feels like a cheap shot. But things happen, and I hope you get through it. Don't be too hard on yourself. We do all put our foot in our mouths, like Dottie said.

^ well thanks for being honest about it. Yes we all do put our foot in our mouths at times, but I really felt bad after I had said it to him. Well, at least he accepted my apology. I still feel crummy though. Lesson learned, right

 

[NP88]

Really glad you got the paintings back cowboyup, bummed me out reading that you threw them all away. Anyway we could see some of them?