Hi everyone. I was the victim of bullying for 12 years at the school I attended in the 1970's and 1980's. I was a sensitive, timid child with a very pronounced overbite for most of that time. Starting in first grade my schoolmates heaped verbal abuse on me every day. They told me I was ugly because of my buck teeth, then they started calling me stupid and worthless. Though I was fortunate in a way not to be physically abused, the verbal attacks destroyed my sense of self-worth and self-confidence. The bullying I was subjected to haunts me and affects my life to this day.
I would come home from school nearly every day in floods of tears. Turning to my Dad for comfort, I told him how I was bullied that day. I always asked him the same question: "Why do these kids hate me? I've done nothing bad to them, why are they so cruel? Every time my Dad would give me a hug and tell me how much he loved me. But he didn''t know how or was unwilling to go further. He didn't tell me what I desperately needed to hear. That I was an important, unique person and that these kids had no right to abuse me. My Dad was also a non-confrontational man, so going to the Principal or the parents of the bullies was something he never could do. My Dad was a victim of bullying when he was a kid. He also had buck teeth and was a shy, sensitive kid. Dad just endured the abuse. I'm sure he saw alot of himself in me and believed that comforting me with his extraordinary love would help me survive school. As much as I adore my late father, he failed me by not intervening in a forceful way. My school was private, so all he had to do was threaten to pull me and the tuition payments out to get the administration's attention. He never did. It is deeply traumatic when you're being bullied day after day, year after year, and there is nobody in your life who protects you or negates the words of the bullies. Without an advocate, an impressionable child like I was begins to believe the bullies are right in their assessment of you -- that you are in fact ugly, stupid and worthless. This was my experience. I suffer from anxiety and depression to this day directly because I was abused for such a long period of time.
Also there were 3 teachers who bullied me. One attacked me and my work for 10 years straight. So I got it from both the student and teacher side of school. But in my sophomore year in high school, something changed slightly for the better. My history teacher, who was a friend of my sister's, became my home room teacher and my guidance counselor. He was extremely kind and respectful to me. Also, he helped me see that I was a highly intelligent person who had great value and was wise beyond my years. It''s also important to mention that he was the most popular teacher this school had ever seen. The boys worshipped him because he was funny and the coach of 3 sports teams, and the girls swooned over him because he was cute and charming. Reflecting on those years with this teacher, I think in his own way he wielded his enormous influence at school to send a message to all his students to leave me alone. That''s the only way I can explain why the bullying eased up from sophomore to senior year. I'll always be in his debt for the amazing gift of protection and moral support he gave me. He believed in me and helped me believe in myself.
For kids who are being bullied, it's critically important to tell people you trust about who is abusing you and what specifically he/she is doing to you: verbal abuse, physical abuse, cyberbullying or a combination of the three. Do not be afraid to report a bully! Adults in your life, like family members, teachers, coaches, guidance counselors must know what is being done to you. Only they are in a position to stop the bullies. You should not, I repeat, not take on the bullies yourself. You will only make them angrier at you and the abuse will worsen.
I look forward to getting to know the members of this site and providing advice, support and comfort to those who are suffering.
I would come home from school nearly every day in floods of tears. Turning to my Dad for comfort, I told him how I was bullied that day. I always asked him the same question: "Why do these kids hate me? I've done nothing bad to them, why are they so cruel? Every time my Dad would give me a hug and tell me how much he loved me. But he didn''t know how or was unwilling to go further. He didn't tell me what I desperately needed to hear. That I was an important, unique person and that these kids had no right to abuse me. My Dad was also a non-confrontational man, so going to the Principal or the parents of the bullies was something he never could do. My Dad was a victim of bullying when he was a kid. He also had buck teeth and was a shy, sensitive kid. Dad just endured the abuse. I'm sure he saw alot of himself in me and believed that comforting me with his extraordinary love would help me survive school. As much as I adore my late father, he failed me by not intervening in a forceful way. My school was private, so all he had to do was threaten to pull me and the tuition payments out to get the administration's attention. He never did. It is deeply traumatic when you're being bullied day after day, year after year, and there is nobody in your life who protects you or negates the words of the bullies. Without an advocate, an impressionable child like I was begins to believe the bullies are right in their assessment of you -- that you are in fact ugly, stupid and worthless. This was my experience. I suffer from anxiety and depression to this day directly because I was abused for such a long period of time.
Also there were 3 teachers who bullied me. One attacked me and my work for 10 years straight. So I got it from both the student and teacher side of school. But in my sophomore year in high school, something changed slightly for the better. My history teacher, who was a friend of my sister's, became my home room teacher and my guidance counselor. He was extremely kind and respectful to me. Also, he helped me see that I was a highly intelligent person who had great value and was wise beyond my years. It''s also important to mention that he was the most popular teacher this school had ever seen. The boys worshipped him because he was funny and the coach of 3 sports teams, and the girls swooned over him because he was cute and charming. Reflecting on those years with this teacher, I think in his own way he wielded his enormous influence at school to send a message to all his students to leave me alone. That''s the only way I can explain why the bullying eased up from sophomore to senior year. I'll always be in his debt for the amazing gift of protection and moral support he gave me. He believed in me and helped me believe in myself.
For kids who are being bullied, it's critically important to tell people you trust about who is abusing you and what specifically he/she is doing to you: verbal abuse, physical abuse, cyberbullying or a combination of the three. Do not be afraid to report a bully! Adults in your life, like family members, teachers, coaches, guidance counselors must know what is being done to you. Only they are in a position to stop the bullies. You should not, I repeat, not take on the bullies yourself. You will only make them angrier at you and the abuse will worsen.
I look forward to getting to know the members of this site and providing advice, support and comfort to those who are suffering.
! I've had my fair share of bullying and verbal abuse. The worst came from my father, then my siblings and step-family, and finally my mother said (and still says) some things that broke me down. I honestly believed that I was worthless and that they hated me (and some part of me still does). But, I suppose, if it weren't for the friends that I had, I'd probably be in a worse situation than this. They're always trying to get me to be more social (sometimes in ways that make me uncomfortable), but they're my chain to my sanity and one of my reasons to live. I agree, victims of bullying need to tell someone how exactly they are being bullied so they can deal with it. But, I also think it helps to have a support system, like you had, someone that you can talk to about anything and they need to be willing to not hold anything back. People need to reinforce the good things about victims and prove to them that they don't deserve to be treated like that because they are good people. The sooner victims talk about it, the less work it will take to instill that in them, I believe.
