If you really are serious about getting over your s.a and avpd completely you can!

[OceanMist]

Spaceboy, I came off as rude in my post. After reading your posts, i see that you aren't asking for money, you are trying to help. My apologies.

I agree that I am stuck in a childish state. A lot about me is childish socially. I don't like conversing with people, and don't really know how. I am afraid of people a lot of the time, like a small child.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

Will do just exactly that.

 

[Nanita]

Sounds great. I´d like to do something like that. I just don´t know how, I can definitely not afford any therapy sessions, I could read books on it and try that way, but I have done that several times before and it has only helped me on an intellectual level/as good ideas, it doesn´t really change me... But it´s awesome to know that you have been able to change. Thanks.

 

[spaceboy135]

Spaceboy, I came off as rude in my post. After reading your posts, i see that you aren't asking for money, you are trying to help. My apologies.

I agree that I am stuck in a childish state. A lot about me is childish socially. I don't like conversing with people, and don't really know how. I am afraid of people a lot of the time, like a small child.

Apology accepted ...

Well I too was stuck in a childish state, when "trauma" happens and it could be anything from physical abuse, verbal abuse etc we form a "protective" part to guard us from another event repeating itself in the future so basically what happened to myself was....I had so many "parts" in me that had been rejected that's why we become avoidant because we have rejected so many aspects of ourselves so once you start "peeling the layers off" so to speak thats when you get down to your true self layer after layer my counselor and I discovered so far my fathers aspect in me (which was the super critical inner voice I had learned from my dad) so we found the beliefs there and changed them, all those beliefs relating to self rejection and put downs etc so once that was cleared out of the way the next aspect came up for me which was "my shame" so we healed that aspect then there was "the way I viewed myself only as my body and weight" and now I have finally come to my avoidance aspect and I can honestly say I am starting to become more open with people.

 

[spaceboy135]

Sounds great. I´d like to do something like that. I just don´t know how, I can definitely not afford any therapy sessions, I could read books on it and try that way, but I have done that several times before and it has only helped me on an intellectual level/as good ideas, it doesn´t really change me... But it´s awesome to know that you have been able to change. Thanks.

The way I think is even though I could not afford this therapy I managed to get enough money because I made a choice to completely get over this OR be stuck with it for the rest of my life so really how important is it to you that you overcome s.a or avpd or OCD whatever it may be for you, just picture a life WITHOUT any of it!!

I think it's best to do it for a few months initially with a counselor because if you just work on your own beliefs yourself you could miss some and the way I did it with my therapist was starting off with 1 "aspect" at a time until every aspect reveals itself and during this process you develop a sense of super awareness to the point where you could be out and about and rather then run away or shut off when you feel panic or fear you start to look at it from a neutral perspective and merely observe why and what has been said in your mind to trigger this fear...I caught myself saying "omg everyone is looking at me how do I walk etc" THERE WAS MY FALSE BELIEF right there and I would say to myself in the heat of the moment "I release the belief that people are always watching me and thinking im stupid" AND the truth is "I am completely focused in the moment with what I am doing" and over a few weeks time I felt no more fear and felt no more eyes all on me I am now at the point where I have a second job and working behind a very busy bar (from someone who had immense social anxiety and avpd) pretty amazing huh every person on this site has the power to heal and completely change themselves with determination and self love

 

[Nanita]

Yeah I also believe that everyone is able to change and heal... And love / selv-love is so important.
I am trying - it´s an ongoing discipline and I´m feeling mentally "lazy"/upgiving.

Perhaps u know "shadow work/the shadow process"; seeing/loving the sides of yourself that u hide/suppress and therefore often notice in other people. (Getting very annoyed by someone elses behavior or characteristics, can mean that these characteristics are being suppresed within yourself).
I think this kind of work can also help us transform.

 

[Feathers]

Interesting thread!

WOW, Spaceboy, congratulations!!

I've done something like this in the past and it has helped... Things and circumstances change and new experiences may come one's way, so it's kind of an ongoing process... (I've sometimes forgotten things I've 'known' and found helpful before...) So it's good to be reminded...

I think you do need some sort of a 'support network' - counsellor/support group and/or other friendly and helpful people.... It can be partly done by oneself, it's easier with others... at least in/for some aspects... So it's good to find a group of people who are enthusiastic about what you're doing and interested in similar things etc. (It's easier to accept oneself when others accept you )

 

[spaceboy135]

Yeah I also believe that everyone is able to change and heal... And love / selv-love is so important.
I am trying - it´s an ongoing discipline and I´m feeling mentally "lazy"/upgiving.

Perhaps u know "shadow work/the shadow process"; seeing/loving the sides of yourself that u hide/suppress and therefore often notice in other people. (Getting very annoyed by someone elses behavior or characteristics, can mean that these characteristics are being suppresed within yourself).
I think this kind of work can also help us transform.

Well yes "shadows" are the aspects in you that you have rejected so by recognizing them and healing them and understanding their "role" in protecting you, you can grow so much and incorporate them into yourself again and give them a new task so to speak...my last aspect I am healing now is the avoidance and it took me 5 or 7 aspects to heal & discover before I came close to the avoidance, first I was healing my "shame aspect" "self critical" "people pleasing" "self sabotage" & "the way I viewed myself as what I eat and the way I look" "victim role".. and once those were all out of the way finally I came to avoidance and now that ive been doing work on this aspect i have started to open up 2 ppl again and I dont feel shameful about my past anymore and I know why I avoided ppl in the first place etc it really is great

and yes to Feathers it is an ongoing process and so far I have unraveled ALOT so I would not call myself an avoidance personality anymore...I dislike the way psychologists label you and tell you that you are stuck this way for the rest of your life which is completely and utterly untrue it just involves alot of digging around and working your ass off to get to the core of it and changing your beliefs and breaking the dysfunctional family roles of being a people pleaser or the hero, whatever your role was

I have attended a self esteem group course etc and I was alot more ahead then those ppl so now I am just in the process of starting up school again and just doing things that I want to do and I will meet ppl along the way...also catching up with old friends and ive become alot more open with current friends and family...standing my ground and being the REAL me

So the core reason I have discovered I became avoidant was because of a childhood wound from very young I was under the false impression that love was conditional so therefore I developed the "false self" in order to gain this love and approval it makes alot of sense now...so naturally when you are operating from this u drift towards the wrong ppl for friendships, you feel personally victimized when ppl reject you or disagree with you, you fear abandonment & criticism etc all this because you were not shown how to be loved for who you truely are