I think im truly getting better...slowly

[UnOccupied]

I can feel myself getting better. Like, even though i still get socially anxious, and depressed, i know that i am about to jump over another huge hurdle that is my SA

I can go just about anywhere now, and feel a sense of control like i never have. I handle things WAY better than i used to. I still don't give myself enough credit for all of the good steps i have been taking, and positive things i have been achieving. But, i guess this is a way of doing it for me, posting here.

I guess i have a tendency to focus on my shortcomings, rather than focusing on my achievements. Perfect example:
I was at a bar tonight with my friends(i didn't drink, was dd). The good news is that i was at this bar, i was pretty calm, i actually had small talk with two girls i hadn't seen in a while, and it went well, for instance, good eye contact, descent flow of conversation, and it almost felt fully natural. But, i still found myself at times saying to myself, "why can't i be as cool and confident as Jimmy? Look at the way he talks to those girls, why can't I do that? I will never be like him, he is a better man than i am for being able to do that."

So, what i am trying to say is, for all the good steps i am making, i know i still have a tendency to go back to negative land, and SA land. But, instead of focusing on my friend being a better ladies man than me, i should be focusing on how i am doing 10000 times better socially than i was before starting CBT, and how i have been with a few great girls recently too. If i can't be the center of attention and talk comfortably to every cute girl at a bar, WHO CARES?! .....hmmmmm, well i guess i do care, i don't want to lie to myself. But, i want to accept myself in these times, and remind myself that my friend Jimmy isn't perfect either, and he may envy me in ways too, even though in my mind, talking socially is the one true trait that makes someone a man. Which is TOTALLY false, haha sounds so much easier to me when i actually write this out. Also, i want to remind myself that it does me no good to focus on the fact that my friend is better socially than me. It does me no good to compare. I should focus on taking one small step to talking to ONE girl. It's all about doing things in small steps, and slowly building up confidence. WOW! I really do have all the answers in my head, and i truly am a happy guy, i just need to slow down, and rationalize things sometimes.

Ok, well this entry went on a lot longer than i had intended. But, thanks for reading for those who did. I appreciate it! If you would like to comment or ask any questions to me , please please be my guest!

 

[Just G]

I'm very proud of you, brother. I truly am. It sounds like you're taking initiative and making great strides toward alleviating your SA. Keep focusing on yourself and the good that you've done, and you'll keep getting better and better. I just know you will.

 

[Ignace]

Keep it up !

 

[UnOccupied]

Heyy, thanks just G!

This week im trying to remember to focus on accepting myself more, even when i am not feeling good. I tend to get very down on myself when i am down, and this does NOT help me at all, it only makes me feel worse.

 

[missjesss]

I was making progress also untill someone commented my toned calves again I tried my hardest not to dwell on the comment I did for a day and I was quiet but today i feel all refreshed again ready to keep going its hard when ur dealing with s.a and have a certain part of ur body that u r trying ur hardest accept :-(

 

[vanfuggle]

Oh I love your post. Congratulations!! You are really turning that stupid negative thinking we get with SA around and exposing it for what it truly is-- a bunch of nonsense.

And you will be "cured" once the things that used to bother you just don't anymore. You're 70% there my friend! Keep up the good work!!

 

[UnOccupied]

Thanks Van!

And, you know Van, I am very happy you commented on this. I was having a boring day today, just moping around the house, looking for some inspiration, and i noticed this in my user CP. I read my original entry over, and realized how happy i was at that time. We all know how easy it is to lose sight of our gains, and focus on our shortcomings. And, i would have never reread this post if it wasn't for you, so thank you!

 

[UnOccupied]

Indeed this is true. Or, you could be like me, and start things out full blown, full commitment, then at the first sign of it not going as planned, you quit. Thats how i tend to do things, but i managed to stick it out with CBT. The key to CBT working is practice. And, its not like a sport, where its hard work to practice. All it takes is about 20-30 minutes a day of relaxed reading over of the material you have. My program said it takes anywhere from 35-45 days of repetition before something becomes habit or permanent. Sound daunting? It's not, because you will notice benefit in 3-4, maybe even 2 weeks.

Good luck! Let me know if you run into any troubles along the way!

 

[punklove]

Good for you! xD