I really need some sympathy right now. Please help.

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

So I created this account 2 years ago, but I was too shy to post anything. Now I remember it so here I go!
I have a problem.
I am completely and utterly terrified. It's not of anything, I'm just scared. So scared. All the time; it doesn't seem to end. I'm in college and it's hard to focus when you're panicking and trying not to have a breakdown every day. Fear is my default and I'm really tired of living life like this. I have chronic anxiety. It just doesn't stop. I feel like I'm the only one who has to suffer with this. I wake up and I'm terrified. The terror rises when I go outside (outside scares the crap out of me). My mom drives me to my college classes and all I can think of is that I want to get the hell out of there as soon as possible!
On top of this, I have chronic derealization disorder (which also never seems to stop -- I'm always out of it and scared), which is uncomfortable and causes even more fear. I've had these disorders wince I was 8 years old and I'm 19 now. I want to grow up and live life! But everything is so terrifying and I don't seem to be progressing after all these years. Even when I'm "relaxing" at home, I feel a level of fear. I have a therapist, but I don't have insurance so my appointments are few and far between! I just want to know if anyone else experiences this and if anyone can offer any support, please. Thank you.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[dyingtolive]

Hi and welcome!

During my college years I felt that way in certain periods. Especially when I had to leave school and then go back. College can be a big scary place that makes you feel hella uncomfortable.

It can be alot of pressure and it can take its toll on someone. I have felt what may have been some derealization / depersonalization on some occasions but not often.

Fear can really take a toll on your health. I was really really afraid as well. Especially because i felt so alone and everyone else was big scary mobs of people all against me.

It's hard to make friends in college especially with SA, but finding some comfort zone in College helps. Find a way to make it fun, have something to look forward to in going there. Join a club or a school org. Somewhere you can just hang out. What are your hobbies? There may be some places you can go that you can feel at home.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

Thank you.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Wow-- and you still manage to go to school?
That is pretty amazing!

I am agoraphobic, I do nothing most days and am constantly in panic mode-- anxious about every little thing.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Hi and welcome!

During my college years I felt that way in certain periods. Especially when I had to leave school and then go back. College can be a big scary place that makes you feel hella uncomfortable.

It can be alot of pressure and it can take its toll on someone. I have felt what may have been some derealization / depersonalization on some occasions but not often.

Fear can really take a toll on your health. I was really really afraid as well. Especially because i felt so alone and everyone else was big scary mobs of people all against me.

It's hard to make friends in college especially with SA, but finding some comfort zone in College helps. Find a way to make it fun, have something to look forward to in going there. Join a club or a school org. Somewhere you can just hang out. What are your hobbies? There may be some places you can go that you can feel at home.

Thank you. The thing is that it's always been like this since I was 8, so it's not just college. It's going anywhere that raises and has raised in the past my fear and derealization. I just fear I'll always be like this.
I might join a club... but I did something like that and it was stressful too. Even when I'm having fun I'm afraid. As paradoxical as that sounds.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Wow-- and you still manage to go to school?
That is pretty amazing!

I am agoraphobic, I do nothing most days and am constantly in panic mode-- anxious about every little thing.

Yeah, I've toyed with the idea of online classes, but I hear that avoidance behavior can make one worse... But, awww, thank you so much! I always push through, but it's extremely difficult.

I'm also agoraphobic... as soon as I go outside, I have to suppress hyperventilating. Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's constantly in panic mode. (Not that I'm glad you have to go through this too or anything, it's just nice to know you're not alone.)

 

[dyingtolive]

For me, i was real scared as a kid. And then somewhere along the line, I changed and became overly rebellious and outgoing. And then I became really scared again. I once used alcohol to take away my fear to be able to go out in public but i also quit that. It was the times after I quit alcohol where i felt really naked and that was difficult to do normal things.

During the time I first went into this site in 2008, the things that first helped me was Lucinda Basset's audiobooks on Social anxiety, and also I learned meditation. And that helped me too. I can't say its the best advice or it'll work for others.. There's no real magical pill to make the fear go away i guess but you can just try a bit everyday and you'll get better.

Now that i'm in a smaller workplace environment, my SA and fear is not that bad. But school has always scared me. The whole nature of the beast (school) is just really fierce hehe

 

[dyingtolive]

^ But don't think you'll always be that way, like in my case, after school, it depends what you end up doing and how comfortable u are with that

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

I understand, dyingtolive. Thank you for saying that I shouldn't think it'll always be like this. It's nice to have hope. <3

I was thinking of taking up yoga...

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Fear creates derealization. Panic wreaks havoc on your mind. You will be okay my friend, you just need to focus on all thoughts that are pleasant. The harder you focus on pleasant things, it forces and crowds out the focus on fear.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Fear creates derealization. Panic wreaks havoc on your mind. You will be okay my friend, you just need to focus on all thoughts that are pleasant. The harder you focus on pleasant things, it forces and crowds out the focus on fear.

But the more I focus on happy things, the more it takes me out of the moment and the more derealized I become.
Not to be difficult.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

But the more I focus on happy things, the more it takes me out of the moment and the more derealized I become.
Not to be difficult.

I've experienced derealization when I was younger; it wasn't fun, to put it mildly. What caused it I believe, was a constant stream of anxiety and fear running through my brain. Too many anxiety-ridden thoughts has a profound effect on us.

I say to focus and concentrate on pleasant thoughts, because usually what causes the derealization is the opposite thought flow, which is irrational or fearful thoughts. There is a process of thought that is possible, where we can gather the forces of all our positive thoughts and create a strong flow of mellow energy within us that sort of cancels out the fearful ones.

I found it within me somehow to simply refuse to over-think things which do not belong in my mind. The mind is like a garden which needs to be maintained and well kept, or else a mess will become of it.

Anyway, I believe you'll be okay and I know you can overcome. Best wishes to you.

 

[Falkor]

So I created this account 2 years ago, but I was too shy to post anything. Now I remember it so here I go!
I have a problem.
I am completely and utterly terrified. It's not of anything, I'm just scared. So scared. All the time; it doesn't seem to end. I'm in college and it's hard to focus when you're panicking and trying not to have a breakdown every day.

It's terrible I know. School is really frightening for a socially anxious person, but it's sooo brave that you are in school, i'm proud of you, please do not let it delay your school time (as much as u can) i mean, it's for your future, but if you feel so scared, i know it's hard to bear, i am in school too and it's driving me insane, i'm terrified of all the crowds at the hallways, in class, at the canteen, but the class is more comfortable since i sit on a quiet loving place.

Fear is my default and I'm really tired of living life like this. I have chronic anxiety. It just doesn't stop.

Yeah it's not healthy when you are feeling overfeared everyday, it's not a health risk though, it sure is a stress factor which makes you FEEL TERRIBLE. So, please try to seek relaxation after days like that, try to see the cause of your fears, figure out the things you love. (self esteem boost)

I feel like I'm the only one who has to suffer with this. I wake up and I'm terrified.

I'm just like that, every morning i'm tensed, to wake up. I' know, you're not alone, serious!

The terror rises when I go outside (outside scares the crap out of me). My mom drives me to my college classes

You got a sweet mom, just like mine is, she must be very understanding to your condition isn't she? Mine too, sometimes a little too much, but i prefer someone who cares than breaking me down. But I need a kick under the butt (not literally) sometimes, to get myself out here, but err, i also need some support. which my mom is so sweet for.

and all I can think of is that I want to get the hell out of there as soon as possible!

Flight mode, ever heard of that? Google it. I know how that feels, and might be panic feelings, hyperventilation, have you ever checked your breathing condition? Your panic feelings can be reduced don't you know that? There are many ways for it. It will get easier, I find myself there now more at ease.

On top of this, I have chronic derealization disorder (which also never seems to stop -- I'm always out of it and scared)

You're just so self aware, it's scary but it's good that you are so close to life, it's better than not knowing how good it is. I bet you get that feeling stronger than everyone else, it's just a feeling that some people develop really a lot, to be down to earth. Derelization means to me, that you are so aware of excist, that you get scared by the fact and feel out of it, but don't worry, you're still here, even though it might seem like a movie, it's scary i know, like hell. Try to drink lots of water and eat more food, and try to sleep as much as you can, and no drugs, or alcohol. (maybe cafeine)

, which is uncomfortable and causes even more fear. I've had these disorders wince I was 8 years old and I'm 19 now.

Yeah, that's a long trip off pain, no wonder that you're feeling drowned, but it should give you a stronger will to fight,keep knocking this life!

I want to grow up and live life!

Defenitely!!!! you can do that!!!! if you believe that you can, live life, how can you live life perfectly, what makes you happy, maybe you should get some new stuff in your life, a hobby, a road, an organisation, a friend to listen, a coach to help. Could all help a BUNCH. (I can be your friend, I relate to every single thing you said, if you want, i feel weird and desperate to say so, but i don't have many friends)

But everything is so terrifying and I don't seem to be progressing after all these years. Even when I'm "relaxing" at home, I feel a level of fear. I have a therapist, but I don't have insurance so my appointments are few and far between! I just want to know if anyone else experiences this and if anyone can offer any support, please. Thank you.

Yeah, you're overstressed, don't worry, you will get there, if you relax right now. and don't over think all this, it's a fact, but the feelings can be different if you just push through it.

Sassy

 

[mart22n]

Hi Cilla,


I used to have this constant fear too, around people of course.

Do you understand that there's nothing to be afraid of in today's world, except making bad decisions and thus suffering? By bad decisions I mean procrastinating, substance abuse, not keeping yourself in good health, wrong career choices, choosing to hang out with people who have a bad influence, not dreaming and not trying to realize your dreams etc.

There are no threats to you from outside (obviously I'm not talking about traffic accidents, diseases and criminals, but I guess these do not induce your panic-mode). My advice is to try to define what induces fear in you, and then of course start facing those fears. See How to Face Your Fears: 6 steps - wikiHow

Experiment and research the world outside of you. It's for you to explore!

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Wow! Thanks for the really helpful comments, everyone! Really.