I might be relapsing

[Anxy]

I'm back.

A few weeks ago our teacher decided that we should make a speech. Since then I cried almost every day and if that's not enough to say I'm relapsing then I don't know what is.

Today was the final day to make the speech. There was no escape. I was alone in class with only my teacher. This however still made me panic. I started over 3 times and then I cried. I was talking and crying. I cried so hard that I had difficulties with breathing. I was so scared... I never experience shortness of breath before. I apologized many times, yet she was still smiling saying it's ok and there's nothing wrong with me. She said that I should visit the school psychologist, though. After I left the class I immediately rushed into the bathroom to cry myself out. After I stepped out my eyes were still red and I wanted to cry on my way home. I am still crying now, writing this post.

 

[Sacrament]

You're letting anxiety win.

 

[Zooman]

Don't listen to sacrament, anxiety isn't something you ever just beat. It's not like a goal "if you try hard enough at x you will do good at y". Anyways, I feel your pain. I always hated speeches, but at least ur teacher seems understanding from what you wrote in your post. You say you might be relapsing though, so i'm wondering what you mean exactly?

 

[Sacrament]

Don't listen to sacrament, anxiety isn't something you ever just beat. It's not like a goal "if you try hard enough at x you will do good at y". Anyways, I feel your pain. I always hated speeches, but at least ur teacher seems understanding from what you wrote in your post. You say you might be relapsing though, so i'm wondering what you mean exactly?

When did I say it's something you beat? Anxiety is mainly caused by your own perceptions of the world around you (people judging you, assuming a job interview will go wrong, assuming everyone will stare at you if you go to a mall, etc). By assuming your thoughts are true you are causing yourself grief, worry and anxiety. By challenging them and seeing them for what they are (scary words and images), you're conquering a huge chunk of that anxiety. You won't hear me talking about beating anxiety because everyone feels anxiety, it's a biological trait of the fight or flight response. Don't just come out and tell people not to pay attention to what I say as if it's mindless bullsh*t.

 

[Anxy]

You're letting anxiety win.

Tell me something I don't know.

At least I tried doing the speech. I think that's quite a big step for me.

You say you might be relapsing though, so i'm wondering what you mean exactly?

I mean that I'm back to having SAD. For a long period of time I believed it's not as severe. Sometimes it felt like it's non-existant at all. But look at me, I still need help after all those years!

 

[SoScared]

Anxiety is mainly caused by your own perceptions of the world around you (people judging you, assuming a job interview will go wrong, assuming everyone will stare at you if you go to a mall, etc). By assuming your thoughts are true you are causing yourself grief, worry and anxiety. By challenging them and seeing them for what they are (scary words and images), you're conquering a huge chunk of that anxiety. It's a biological trait of the fight or flight response.

^Neat summary. Sometimes, in the middle of all this when so much effort is expended dealing with anxiety its useful to remind ourselves what anxiety is.

 

[Zooman]

When did I say it's something you beat? Anxiety is mainly caused by your own perceptions of the world around you (people judging you, assuming a job interview will go wrong, assuming everyone will stare at you if you go to a mall, etc). By assuming your thoughts are true you are causing yourself grief, worry and anxiety. By challenging them and seeing them for what they are (scary words and images), you'r nconquering a huge chunk of that anxiety. You won't hear me talking about beating anxiety because everyone feels anxiety, it's a biological trait of the fight or flight response. Don't just come out and tell people not to pay attention to what I say as if it's mindless bullsh*t.

Your post just seemed so unsympathetic. The OP is being vulnerable by venting about this and probably hoping for some empathy and then your response is just "your letting anxiety win". Idk if you realize that no one on here chooses to have anxiety. Your comment just rubbed me the wrong way.

 

[Zooman]

Tell me something I don't know.

At least I tried doing the speech. I think that's quite a big step for me.



I mean that I'm back to having SAD. For a long period of time I believed it's not as severe. Sometimes it felt like it's non-existant at all. But look at me, I still need help after all those years!

Do you have any guesses as to why you are relapsing? There has to be a reason.

 

[Kiwong]

Congratulations on facing your worst fear and trying to give a speech even if it made you cry. That takes some courage.

 

[zharl]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time! If it's any consolation, I've had a bit of a relapse lately too. My experience has been a bit different and much less severe, but it happens to all of us from time to time. Best of luck, and stay strong! This is so cheesy, but remember, you're not alone.

 

[Sacrament]

Your post just seemed so unsympathetic. The OP is being vulnerable by venting about this and probably hoping for some empathy and then your response is just "your letting anxiety win". Idk if you realize that no one on here chooses to have anxiety. Your comment just rubbed me the wrong way.

I can see why it could have seemed, I suppose, cold. However, the explanation I gave is sort of one of the ways I use to see anxiety for what it really is, and break it down into little jigsaw pieces I can manipulate any way I want. For months and months (years, actually) I told myself that if I went and signed up for my driver's license, plenty of bad things would happen, like blushing in front of others, being mocked by not knowing everything, enduring locked and warm rooms for a significant period of time, bright lights, not being able to handle the anxiety and just giving up altogether, etc. When I finally looked at my anxiety through rational eyes and without judging it, just observing, I got to see why I was making such a big deal, and focused instead on how much I wanted to have my driver's license. None of the bad things I imagined ever happened, and even when my instructor told me my face was red once or twice after a driving class, I simply shrugged it off and said "yeah I get like that sometimes".

It is your reaction to your anxiety that ultimately establishes what happens next. If you tough it out, you'll get things done and you'll feel proud and invincible; if you let it win, you'll end up regretting all the things you missed, and the anxiety grows exponentially because you allowed the fear to become real.

Good job Anxy for going through with it, despite how hard it was. Don't focus on how much anxiety you felt and what it did to you, focus instead on the fact that you did it and use that practice for future occasions.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

Hi Anxy, I can really relate to this post! I know speeches suck, but at least you had the courage to do it. Would you please PM me?

 

[SoScared]

The thing is that some days i really have got it together. I had a couple of great days last week. This week its not so good. I'm trying to work out why there is such a difference. It must be all in the mind.