I just want to have a one night stand

Zooman

Well-known member
Ok, so maybe i should rephrase myself..i want a relationship where i can have sex. Since that seems literally impossible because of my anxiety i figure the second best thing is a fling. I'm almost 21 years old and still a virgin and i'm horny as hell. Obviously i'd rather have a relationship than a one night stand, but i don't see how that will ever happen for me.
 
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Bronson99

Well-known member
Ok, so maybe i should rephrase myself..i want a relationship where i can have sex. Since that seems literally impossible because of my anxiety i figure the second best thing is a fling. I'm almost 21 years old and still a virgin and i'm horny as hell. Obviously i'd rather have a relationship than a one night stand, but i don't see how that will ever happen for me.

Congratulations for speaking your mind, and not worrying that someone is going to criticize you for being shallow or PI. (I'm not being sarcastic.)

In any case I think this is a "fair" desire for one who has social anxiety badly enough that a serious relationship is unlikely. Physical intimacy is a basic need; but it doesn't always have to happen within a traditional arrangement.
 

Zooman

Well-known member
Thank you for understanding. It was almost easy for me to admit just because it is expected that most guys my age are horny chimps lol. I figure it would be way harder for a girl to say the same thing and not be embarrassed tho.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
Try online dating sites. A lot of them, especially Tinder, have a reputation for being open to superficial/casual pursuits.

As long as you look good enough and you take a good photo--properly dressed, good posture, hint of a smile--there's a chance you might find what you're looking for. You don't have to be 6+ feet tall or buff, either.
 

girlinthecorner

Active member
I feel the same way and I'm a girl. Not a virgin though, but haven't been able to successfully find anyone who wants a relationship with an anxious weirdo in a long time.
Sometimes I just want some intimacy so bad, but I can't do one night stands, I've thought about it. I'm the type who wouldn't enjoy it because I need to feel something for the person. Sucks.
I'm ashamed to say I gave in and contacted an ex and became his mistress now just to have something. But that really isn't working for me because I still want a relationship. It does help though.
 

Xervello

Well-known member
Everyone is different, so this is just my opinion here but I'd suggest waiting a bit longer before doing anything rash. I was a virgin until... what age am I now, 38, but was as horny as the horniest twenty something. I don't know that having sex with someone is going to change or alleviate how horny you are. Plus, the stigma of virginity isn't as great as it once was. The reason I suggest waiting is because for me at that age, all I could think about was losing my virginity, finding someway I could get off with someone, and it clouded my mind to the point that friendships/interactions with the opposite sex were biased towards my selfish needs. As I grew older the urgency lessened a bit and I matured a lot more. The experience would've been nice, of course, but it's a relief talking to girls now without having some burden or motive in the back of my head. Maybe you're different. There's nothing with wanting to have sex. Just a thought, is all.
 

Xervello

Well-known member
I feel the same way and I'm a girl. Not a virgin though, but haven't been able to successfully find anyone who wants a relationship with an anxious weirdo in a long time.
Sometimes I just want some intimacy so bad, but I can't do one night stands, I've thought about it. I'm the type who wouldn't enjoy it because I need to feel something for the person. Sucks.
I'm ashamed to say I gave in and contacted an ex and became his mistress now just to have something. But that really isn't working for me because I still want a relationship. It does help though.

How does it help? I understand you're getting a semblance of intimacy from it, but doesn't it just create more problems given they're your ex and you're the mistress? Sucks you, or anyone, has to settle though. Be nice if there was a dating network for social phobes only. I'm sure it'd have just as many perverts as the others, but still. I wonder if anyone's posted dating threads on this forum in the past. Hmm.
 

girlinthecorner

Active member
How does it help? I understand you're getting a semblance of intimacy from it, but doesn't it just create more problems given they're your ex and you're the mistress? Sucks you, or anyone, has to settle though. Be nice if there was a dating network for social phobes only. I'm sure it'd have just as many perverts as the others, but still. I wonder if anyone's posted dating threads on this forum in the past. Hmm.

It helps a lot to not be so sexually frustrated anymore. Just that little bit of intimacy is nice and I like feeling wanted by someone again, even if he doesn't want me completely. Before I started seeing him again I was extremely depressed and after a bunch of horrible attempts at dating, my confidence was just gone. I contacted him just because I wanted to talk and he made me feel good again.
I feel like I have to settle for now until I can be more normal and figure out how to date or it would be great to finally find someone who could accept me. I wish there was a good dating site for us too. People say I shouldn't date anyone like myself because it wouldn't be helpful to either one of us, but I just really would like to finally date someone who actually understands and doesn't make me feel weird or look at me like I'm crazy.
 

nodejesque

Well-known member
Sex would help alleviate the perceived need for release. However, it would be temporary and put your health at risk.

I have also often considered going out and searching for someone to have a one night stand with... I have always failed. I refuse to get inebriated, because then... That would defeat the purpose. As you probably would not even remember the act. That, and for odvious safety reasons.

Being sober though... Has cast a light on how ridiculous the masses look while gyrating on each other and slobbering on each other... Killing any motivation I may have at that time.

Then, at least for me, there are feelings of inadequacy and i am very shy, so I become completely overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

And when I think of the pros and cons of doing this, the most significant deterrent keeping me from doing it is the fear of a sexually transmitted disease.

In a perfect world, if I was more confident and comfortable, I would, for one night, let go of my inhibitions and have fun.. Live in the moment. But alas, that is not me.

An alternative would be to find a willing partner whom would also benefit from the arrangement and not feel obligated to want or give more. But that is impossible. As sex without strings is non existent. At least for me it would be that way. Because although I am a terrible pessimist when it comes to myself, secretly I am a romantic... And I would want at least some chocolate or breakfast in the morning. Something that you can't expect from a friend with benefits or a one night stand.
 
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LoyalXenite

Well-known member
As someone who has had arrangements of sex with no strings, or one night stands, as long as they are done responsibly (I.e use protection, be careful with who you choose, etc) it can be a good release. However its really important to outline the boundaries before going into any kind of deal in order to reduce the odds of someone getting hurt at the end of it.

But an important thing to remember is in the moment its a good release, but sometimes dealing with the emotions after it (such as guilt, self disgust, regrets, loneliness, longing) can make it not worth it as a whole.

I guess what Im trying to say is it can help, but go into it with set boundaries and be prepared for it to potentially not be what you remotely wanted in the end.
 

Odo

Banned
I can only imagine what it would have been like to lose my virginity, wake up the following morning and realize that the girl who took it has quietly grabbed her purse and left me like a thief in the night, not saying goodbye or anything.

I'm sure it's possible to find someone, but I would imagine that virginity would probably get in the way of having a one night stand. The people looking for them aren't looking for the baggage associated with schtupping someone who could very well get attached... bonding hormones can be pretty unpredictable and they can make you do or feel some pretty unlikely things in the heat of the moment... and the morning after can leave you with a pretty terrible hangover.

As much as you probably think it would hurt your ego, you'd probably do better with a pro. People always bring up disease with these girls but I'm pretty sure it's just a cover for the fact that they're using money instead of inherent awesomeness to get laid. If you pay enough money then they're probably cleaner than your average promiscuous party girl-- the latter doesn't always insist on condoms or even remember exactly what happened the night before, so who knows what pathogens could be coursing through her bloodstream/bodily fluids. And people tend to draw firmer boundaries in the self-respect department when they're at work as opposed to at play... but then, it also depends on how badly they want to secure a certain client.

But there is of course the fact that she could very well have been sold into slavery and even if she wasn't, you're still keeping an industry that depends on human trafficking alive. I think this is probably much worse than catching the clap because someone was too drunk or high or horny to put on a condom... though there are of course more terrible diseases out there.

Of course at this point someone is probably just going to call me puritanical because I'm not declaring that causal sex is a wonderful, magical force for good in the universe... but I'm pretty sure that anyone who actually has experience with it knows what I'm talking about.
 
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