I hate keeping high expectations

sevenroses

Well-known member
I hate keeping high expectations. I have another new coworker who thinks I'm overly social. (Not just social but overly social). I put up such a great act but I hate the fact that I have to live up to this expectation for being overly social all the time. Pretty soon the quiet real me would show. I was pretty chatty at the time which seems to be a good thing, but I just feel so bad about it because I can't keep it up all the time. Sorry about sounding so negative and sorry about my rant about this on top of my staff meeting rant. It's been a really long and stressful day for me ::(:
 

MaliceInWickedland

Well-known member
You don't have to be sorry about anything. This site exists for a reason, which is to meet others with SA and share your experiences with SA to get help from others. There's absolutely nothing wrong with venting out your feelings.

Anyway, I agree with you. Keeping up with high expectations isn't something I'm good at. I'm kind of going through the same thing at school right now. I act very social around my friends but in reality I feel very depressed and angry in that school from all the stress and a-holes but I act happy and social around my friends so that they don't worry about me. Having people worry about me or pity me bugs the heck out of me.

I have a feeling that pretty soon my innermost feelings are going to be released, in a very explosive manner on top of it. The stress is becoming very unbearable and I know I'm eventually going to lose the few friends that I have because of it. But hey, that's just life I guess. My best advice to you is to stay strong and go along with whatever you think is best for you. Not the greatest advice ever I know, but I don't know what to say since I don't even know what kind of advice I should give myself on this kind of situation. In any case, I give you my best wishes and hope things get better for you.
 

3lefts

Well-known member
While you're pushing yourself to be social, try adding in a bit of something you find really interesting into the conversation, so that it becomes more fun and less work :)
Or you can just talk less and say things that mostly encourage the other person to talk.
 
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Kinetik

Well-known member
I've known several people like you, who come across as really bubbly but are actually quite shy in reality. It might be an idea to gradually ease up on chatting with people until you reach a healthy balance - kind of a midway point between giving people what they want and the real you. That's probably easier said than done, but it could be worse - you could be completely mute. :) . Either way, don't beat yourself up about it, as you sound like you're doing a fine job of contributing to an easygoing workplace.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
ah yea, a similar thing happened to me when I worked checkouts. One regular customer used to always comment at how I was always smiling and laughing. Probably because the first couple of times I saw him I just happened to be in a good mood. But after that it stuck, and every time I saw him I felt this pressure to act like this character that he thinks I am, and suddenly the thought of accidentally revealing to him that I'm actually an insecure depressive wreck felt really scary and awkward.

But my solution was to try and phase it out. Each time I saw him, I just started to give half smiles and quarter smiles until I think he gradually changed his opinion of me. But I think it's natural that people's opinions of us will change the more they get to know us. People naturally make snap judgements the first time they meet you based on whatever little information they can figure out about you, but gradually people begin to see the real you as time goes by.

If it still bothers you though, you could always just make a comment to let your coworker know that you really don't see yourself as an overly social person.
 
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