I feel really depressed - bit of a rant but please help?

[pinata]

This will probably end up being long so I'll try to sum it up. Basically, I am sick of everything. I feel really alone, and I have done since I was about 5. People always turned against me and I don't know why. I think there is something that people just don't like about me, maybe it's because I'm quiet, but even when I'm drunk people seem to get along better with others rather than me. On nights out if there's someone who seems a bit quiet in the group or upset I try and make sure there is ok, and on a normal day I'm always there for my friends and listen to their problems. But lately I am hearing the same problems of theirs over and over, and I don't mean to judge them but it's so tiring and childish, and I think the way I feel is more crippling than their unrequited crushes. None of my friends ever ask what is wrong with me. Unless I prompt it of course. I have told a couple of people I am depressed and want to kill myself but all they really say is "Aww" and they pretty much forget it and talk about themselves again. They don't understand or care that it is a chronic thing. I am not just being insecure, I know that my friends don't care. The people I see the most only want to meet up when we know we are going to get drunk, and one of them always needs me when they are down but they ignore me when I try and contact them or when I have my own issues.

I thought going to uni would mean I meet people who are more interesting and relatable. But the people I have met seem cool at first, then they drop contact, and it doesn't matter how much I say that I miss them and try and arrange for us to meet up. I have several times introduced one friend group to another and they seem to hit it right off then start to leave me out. People just DON'T get along with me. I am really tired of selfish people.. And I'm too depressed to care about doing much for myself. My family are sort of the same as my friends in a way, but more destructive. I hate living here sometimes because they are such negative people who are constantly complaining and all of this has really dragged my spirit down and made my old optimism pretty much disappear. When I'm in a better mood, though, I think of great things I could do, I know that one thing to do when you're depressed is try and make others feel better, so that is what I do. I do nice things for my friends and family. And it can be rewarding but mostly I have grown to resent the fact that it is obvious they don't appreciate it. One time I cancelled going out with my friends because I felt really depressed and antisocial and they said I was really letting them down and they didn't talk to me for ages even though I explained I was feeling really down. I find everything really hard these days, I don't enjoy anything and even little things like doing the washing up feels like it takes way more energy than its worth. I want to do something helpful like be a police officer or a nurse but when I leave the house those ideas are shattered. I feel like all eyes are on me when I set foot outside the door.. I couldn't even ask for information about a job in a cafe on Saturdays because I was too scared :/ I won't kill myself because it would upset the family but I feel like I'm dead already ::

 

[twiggle]

I'm really sorry to hear that you feel this way. I think this is a kind of feeling that many people on this forum either feel or have felt at some point.

I'm sad to hear that your friends don't show as much concern as they should do when you tell them about your problems - however, maybe it's just that they don't know what to say? A lot of people are fortunate enough to have never really experienced feeling depressed. Their biggest problems are often things that may seem more minor to us - like, as you say, unrequited crushes. I'd be truly surprised if your friends didn't care about you at all, I think its more likely that they're unsure how to react to a more serious problem.

From the way you have expressed yourself and a couple of things you've written - for example about not killing yourself because of the hurt it would bring to others - you do actually seem pretty stable, but it may just be that you're more emotionally vulnerable and this is what's clouding your spirit. This is how I am myself sometimes - I know I'd never do anything stupid, but it doesn't stop me from feeling completely low sometimes, and it's maybe easier to upset me than it is others.

And yeah, doing favours for others is definitely a great way of feeling better because for one thing, it takes your mind off your own feelings for a bit. It's a shame that you're not getting the gratitude you deserve, but whatever you do, DON'T STOP doing these favours because trust me, it will definitely be helping you even if it doesn't feel that way.

I'm a firm believer that eventually we all get what we deserve and I would encourage you not to get too disheartened over the way your friends behave because either one day they'll realise how much support you give them, or you'll find yourself new and better friends who do.

I hope you feel better soon but just remember that you're not alone in feeling this way and we're all here to help you! You can get through this!

 

[MrJones]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of people ::

I don't really know what to say, because I don't know how to treat with them either, but for what you say you are a good and caring person, and maybe one day you will find better friends, those who can appreciate all the good things you make for them and who make good things for you too. They may be not easy to find, but I hope that when someone makes good things, like you, good things happen to them in the end. I just hope you have better luck in the future when meeting people.

So please don't give up, don't lose hope, things can get better and you're already in the good way of making it happen.

 

[FriendlessGirl]

I'm sorry to hear that. I know how it feels. My friends were similar to yours. They could never relate to my problems. It got to the point that I stopped sharing those with them. If you ever feel lonely or depressed you can always talk to us. All of us here for you. Hope you feel better

 

[Chaotik]

I understand very well how you feel, I'm too in a similar situation.
We live in a selfish world, where everyone thinks only about himself. Like you I have "friends" that there are only when they need and never when are you to need. They don't care about my problems, if I don't serve I don't exist.
I thought that in Uni would have found the right people with which to establish a friendship, but also there I'm feeling excluded, a stranger. I see all that become friends in a few seconds while I as well as a superficial relationship cannot go.
But despite this I do force and try to go ahead, thinking that sooner or later my life will change for the better.

I know that will not help to make you feel better but I send you a virtual hug.

 

[pinata]

Thankyou everyone, I really appreciate everything you've said! Sorry for being so negative, I think being depressed has a stigma attached so I didn't want to talk about it to you guys when I've just "met" you, but I'm glad I joined this forum and can share things with you :] If anyone else is feeling down or wants to talk then you can send me a message. I just wish I could get rid of anxiety and everything, ggrrr! We all do, right? Sometimes it feels like things won't ever change.

 

[Moo]

I friends who are like that. I've said no to going out on a few occasions because I was just so exhausted and have felt awful about it. I've been not spoken to afterwards, even when I've had a genuine reason not to go (although to be honest I think being exhausted is a genuine reason not to go too).

Also I hear what you say about wanting to be something helpful to the world but feeling like you can't achieve it. I'm in the same place at the moment - the things I really want to do I feel I just can't because I'm so restricted by insecurities to do it. I don't even feel able to enquire about working in a charity shop at the moment which I think might help me. I just can't do it.

To be honest it's nice and horrible to know that others are going through very similar situations. Even if we're fed up with so many things, we shouldn't feel alone.

 

[pinata]

I friends who are like that. I've said no to going out on a few occasions because I was just so exhausted and have felt awful about it. I've been not spoken to afterwards, even when I've had a genuine reason not to go (although to be honest I think being exhausted is a genuine reason not to go too).

Also I hear what you say about wanting to be something helpful to the world but feeling like you can't achieve it. I'm in the same place at the moment - the things I really want to do I feel I just can't because I'm so restricted by insecurities to do it. I don't even feel able to enquire about working in a charity shop at the moment which I think might help me. I just can't do it.

To be honest it's nice and horrible to know that others are going through very similar situations. Even if we're fed up with so many things, we shouldn't feel alone.

Exactly.. It can be annoying when people cancel but it's a pretty selfish reaction to ignore someone over it.

I know it's easy to say but you should help out at the charity shop and try and go for it. I actually worked in a charity shop for a year and a half. When I first enquired it was pretty impulsive, and they asked me to write my address down and my hand was shaking I was so bloody nervous and awkward. A lot of the time I admit I dreaded going there, but I quite enjoyed having something to do and the people were all old ladies so I felt comfortable, and using the till got me used to interacting with people a bit more. I hope you can summon the courage :]

 

[pinata]

I understand very well how you feel, I'm too in a similar situation.
We live in a selfish world, where everyone thinks only about himself. Like you I have "friends" that there are only when they need and never when are you to need. They don't care about my problems, if I don't serve I don't exist.
I thought that in Uni would have found the right people with which to establish a friendship, but also there I'm feeling excluded, a stranger. I see all that become friends in a few seconds while I as well as a superficial relationship cannot go.
But despite this I do force and try to go ahead, thinking that sooner or later my life will change for the better.

I know that will not help to make you feel better but I send you a virtual hug.

How long have you been at uni? Feeling excluded is horrible :: If we can make even one genuine friend at uni before we leave! Good luck to us lol.

 

[Section_31]

Hi Pinata,

Im sorry to hear all of this. It hurts my heart to know the pain your going through, and I wish we could help carry some of that here.

People are selfish by nature, some more than others, some without even knowing about it. My wife has the same problem, she has been at her uni for almost 7 yrs now and hasnt made any long lasting friends for the exact same reasons you listed. If i didnt know better id swear you guys are in the same crowd.

Dont give up. We are all here for you, and while these are only words on a screen we DO care. you matter to us.

 

[Chaotik]

How long have you been at uni? Feeling excluded is horrible :: If we can make even one genuine friend at uni before we leave! Good luck to us lol.

This is the second year for me.
Yes luck, we need it
Fortunately, a person with whom stay in uni there is, but finished Uni we don't see ever. Sometimes I think it's just my fault, not to be interesting and alienate people ::

 

[pinata]

Hi Pinata,

Im sorry to hear all of this. It hurts my heart to know the pain your going through, and I wish we could help carry some of that here.

People are selfish by nature, some more than others, some without even knowing about it. My wife has the same problem, she has been at her uni for almost 7 yrs now and hasnt made any long lasting friends for the exact same reasons you listed. If i didnt know better id swear you guys are in the same crowd.

Dont give up. We are all here for you, and while these are only words on a screen we DO care. you matter to us.

Aww thanks so much, you people are so lovely :] Joining this forum is one of the best things I have done in a while.

Yeah, I think I am gonna have to accept people for being selfish. At least there are others like you who balance it out. I hope that your wife is happy despite not having long lasting friends. I've only been at uni for a year, but after seven years, that must feel worse :/ It is annoying and lonely a lot of the time but I'm trying to be grateful for the little things.

 

[pinata]

Chaotik - don't blame yourself! I know what you mean about not feeling like you are interesting enough, and I always always think that I am boring people but then maybe I'd be more lively if they were interesting me you know? So they are probably equally as boring, put some of the blame on them lol and we'll feel better

 

[Chaotik]

Yes, you're right thanks.
If people don't want to know us better, it means that they are not as interesting as we believed.

 

[Xervello]

This was posted several months ago, so I hope things have improved somewhat for you. What stuck out at me was your empathy - helping out your friends, listening, making sure others are okay (even in a drunken stupor) and wanting to choose a job where you help or protect others. You seem like a born nurturer. And nurturers are a beautiful though often thankless sort. Sorry to bump this thread but I wanted to acknowledge that about you. And plead not to abandon your optimism. Every now and then people do appreciate your efforts, as well as all else you have to offer. And they're very lovely moments indeed when they happen. Hopefully you've had a few since then. But if not, keep trying. Who knows, you may meet a fellow nurturer of your own.