i feel like a shell of a person sometimes..

[alex7]

I haven't felt this way for a few months..well , nothing this severe. I think what caused this is on valentines day i went on a date with a girl and the date wasnt going very well. I think it was the lack of chemistry between us and i didnt really put a great deal of effort in making the best of the date. Well when i dropped her home she said "i usually like funny guys, and u are a little boring for me. I like to laugh and u are too quiet."

my jaw basically dropped because i never been told anything quite like that before. I've always took it upon myself to try to entertain people because i dont want ppl to think i am boring/shy/detached etc. and when she said those things it basically broke me.

Well here I am a few days after vday and im still feeling the affects. Shes calling me and leaving me messages but im ignoring her because 1) i dont like people that are so rude 2) i feel ashamed that she actually noticed my biggest insecurity.

does anyone else feel they lack a real personality? even as i type this post i feel im not actually being myself...like im copying someone else's style of typing...blah

 

[lithium]

Yeah, I usually feel like I don't have a good personality. I don't know, it seems that a lot of people with social anxiety have what is known as an "inferiority complex". I think it basically means that we think we are inferior to everyone else, in every aspect. Something like that. I really don't think this girl is worth your time if she straight-up said that. It seems a little blunt, and she seems insensitive. I think you're doing the right thing in ignoring her calls, because she is pretty rude. Just keep looking man, there are many fish in the sea. In addition, I believe she should have kept that comment to herself, and perhaps give you another chance. But anyways, keep your head up and brush it off.

 

[combat]

Hmm... so she's calling you and leaving messages, as in plural/multiple? Maybe she feels bad about it. Some girls are just very blunt sometimes and don't quite realize what they've said until later. Sure, it was rude to call you boring. That would've pissed me off, too. But the fact that she noticed you're quiet? That used to bother the hell out of me, too, until I accepted that it's simply who I am. Being called boring is an insult, whereas "quiet" is really just a personality trait (and not a negative one at that).

In your place I wouldn't ignore this girl, I'd call her out on what she said. Be blunt right back, see what happens.

 

[Waybuloo]

Hi,

I'm sorry that happened to you. If there was no chemistry between you and the date didn't go that well, she is equally responsible for not making it go right. I mean, was she entertaining to you and did she put in enough effort from your point of view? Did she think that being a girl all she was required to do was sit there and be pretty lol? It's a bit rich of her to say that to you. She is not worth your time if she is that rude and inconsiderate on the first date. Ignore.

On another note, yes i've been on 'dates' where my insecurity and nervousness was holding me back and I didn't really show my real self, but I think it can happen to a lot of people, it's just that it doesn't touch on the raw nerve of anxiety-free people like it does with us so it doesn't destroy their self esteem. Also, some girls love to talk so maybe go out with those with a kind heart and/or have interesting things to say that might momentarily capture your attention so much that you forget about the anxiety. Then there are those who see quiet guys as an enigma to be probed to find the layers inside. I wish you good luck. The fact that you have been on dates is bravery itself despite your anxiety!

 

[freestylemonster]

Hmm... so she's calling you and leaving messages, as in plural/multiple? Maybe she feels bad about it. Some girls are just very blunt sometimes and don't quite realize what they've said until later. Sure, it was rude to call you boring. That would've pissed me off, too. But the fact that she noticed you're quiet? That used to bother the hell out of me, too, until I accepted that it's simply who I am. Being called boring is an insult, whereas "quiet" is really just a personality trait (and not a negative one at that).

In your place I wouldn't ignore this girl, I'd call her out on what she said. Be blunt right back, see what happens.

Totally agree 100%

As for me, I feel like I have a great personality but as soon as someone else comes near me my mind gets all fogged up and I stop thinking clearly which stops me from being able to think of things to say, which in turn makes me boring

 

[AsHLeY]

I could be wrong but it seems to me that if she's calling you and leaving you messages, she must like you a little bit at least. Maybe she just said something blunt like that to see your reaction - to see if you're not quite as quiet as you appear (or perhaps to see if you would try to prove that she's wrong about you and maybe get her laughing)

 

[alex7]

I could be wrong but it seems to me that if she's calling you and leaving you messages, she must like you a little bit at least. Maybe she just said something blunt like that to see your reaction - to see if you're not quite as quiet as you appear (or perhaps to see if you would try to prove that she's wrong about you and maybe get her laughing)

she left me a message today sayign she wants to get to know me better but thats besides the point i guess. Even if she does like me, i feel inadequate, and ill only set her up for disappointment. She already senses it and it will only become more obvious.

 

[combat]

she left me a message today sayign she wants to get to know me better but thats besides the point i guess. Even if she does like me, i feel inadequate, and ill only set her up for disappointment. She already senses it and it will only become more obvious.

Dude, you need to call her back. Seriously.

 

[recluse]

My fear is of people finding me boring and if it gets confirmed i am in pieces. This is the reason i have never dared ask a girl out.

 

[206Raider]

Yep Alex I know how you feel, I too see myself as boring and no fun to be around. When people like me I am truly surprised, like when I was working and I always had to talk to this Temp lady and she was always saying "your like the coolest guy I've met and those gusy you work with think your cool to that's why the keepy requesting for you to work back there" I was like "what, your kidding!?"....it' just goes to prove it's all in your head a lot of the time but I've been called boring before and it does hurt like crazy but the trick is to not let it effect you, you haven't opened up to her all the way yet anyway but I'm sure once you have she won't think your boring and it sounds like she likes you a bit anyway. Unless you think she is a total bitch then give it another chance becuase you don't have a lot to lose but a lot to gain, but if she pissed you off then keep ignorning her, it can do more harm than good if she puts you down like that.

 

[alex7]

thanks for the imput guys its really nice to hear from people since i cant talk to this with anyone in my life.

i called her back and basically told her i wanted to be friends. She seemed to take it okay, which is good. I just cant be with someone whose first impression of me is "boring." I need to find a girl that can find me interesting at the beginning because at the beginning is when im the LEAST boring...usually..then ill ease in my boringness into the relationship later

but yea, no biggie, other fish in the sea, ya di yadi yada