random
Well-known member
Kinetik,
You gently point out that genre_andrea can be avoided and encourage us to let it go. I see wisdom in your suggestion so I went away and thought about why I am feeding the attention seeker and haven't let it go yet.
I had an outgoing, extroverted sister who was always willing to 'help' and whose own problems really did quite a bit to help create mine. So - for a few days of posting on this site I was marveling at the feeling of sanctuary here. Then it seemed as if some of the reasons I am here showed up and insisted, in a demeaning manner, on helping me, studying me, and learning from me. There's cruel irony there - I think I am working it out by writing.
genre_andrea introduced herself by asking "will I still fit in here?" even though, in my opinion, 'yes' was the only answer she would accept or respect.
A kindly user offered candid information to help her decide if maybe she did have SA after all. He described the painful impact SA had on his life. I feel her reply briskly swept over his pain and proudly stated that she was 'extremely sure' that she didn't have HIS problem.
"that's unforunate. however, i am extremely positive i don't have
SA. i'm very extroverted and i can converse to just about anyone.
even you."
That 'even you'at the seems intended to imply that she had special gifts or talents that enable her to speak to him - THIS IS AFTER HE ADDRESSED HER FIRST with sensitivity and candor and helpful detail. She does not thank him or acknowledge him.
Someone tells her that the her presence makes him feel foolish and she replies:
" You shouldn't in any way feel foolish...."
She ignores the valid statement that he DOES feel foolish and transmits how he SHOULD feel. She's seems to tell him he has the wrong feelings....boy does that take me back! And they say you can never go home again.....
"i'm observing the situations you are all posting about.i'm in a
psychology class, and we were given a list of recommended websites to overlook and this one was my first choice."
I perceive an "above it all tone" - the scientific laboratory detatchment. Someone says she is making them uncomfortable, and she seems to say that she is not, instead, she is helping them.
"i refuse to antagonize any of you. it's inhuman"
She seems to forget she wrote this soon enough. People tell her in variety of ways that they feel uncomfortable with her stated intentions and condescending tone but she always replies that they SHOULDN'T feel that way and that she isn't being inappropriate. So, logically, this must mean that their opinions, impressions, and feelings are just wrong.
She seems to project the attitude of one speaking to inferiors or those who are weaker etc.
"it's not like you could stand up to me, anyway. not to mention, it would be unethical."
She seems to want us to think that she keeps ethics in mind but she never responds to my request for ethical treatment - I ask that we know who is studying us and why. I mean, my concern for ethics didn't even warrant a decline or an explanation on her part. It's as if her lofty ethics are her shield when she wants it.
Humble and Erythrocyte speak my concerns clearly - the strong feelings around the idea of being exploited while we are here seeking support. She seems to tell us our feelings are wrong.
"if i know what i'm talking about, you shouldn't be annoyed."
And she may feel we are not granting the credibility due her - a person without SA.
"and furthermore, i have family members who suffer from SA, so i can relate."
But she never grants those of us with SA who post concerns about exploitation credibility. In fact, she implies there's something wrong with us (inner problems) for objecting:
"take it as offensively as you wish. you all have your own inner-
problems i'm sure i'll never understand. but i'm truely and honestly
here to converse."
She seems to define reality for us; is she unaware that we have this capability ourselves?
"no, you are not being "used". yes, i am paying attention to your
stories and seeing how it relates to the material i am learning, but
overall, i'm just trying to listen and hopefully help"
In a demeaning manner, she seems to imply that we will not get any better unless we allow her to help us...and that is cruel and untrue.
"if you'd rather talk to fellow SA's about the same thing over and over again, and never really get over your disorder, then be my guest."
She seems to have no concept of what a relief it is for those of us with SA to talk to each other.
She seems to become frustrated and more forceful and restates what appears to be "acceptable" thoughts and feelings for us to have(afterall, it's not like we can stand up to her!):
"you're getting me wrong - you're not test subjects - i don't want to just be here to give advice. i'd like to talk to you like the rest of you talk to each other. just because i don't have SA doesn't mean i can't relate."
She seems to tell us why we are here and what our purpose is:
"i don't want to treat you like studies. you're all just helping me learn."
She seems to tire of our objections - why do we still have wrong thoughts and feelings after she told us which ones to have? The following genre_andria text doesn't grant other SPW posters validity or respect; she seems to imply that we can only 'try' to make assumptions and rattle on about it without coherent results; she makes it sound like our opinions and beliefs are failed attempts at rational thought:
"you can all go on and on about why you think i'm here and trying to
assume what i'm like, etc. that's perfectly fine. it doesn't bother
me.
i can tell most of you are offended by my presence. and you're
analyzing every word i typed to pick out what you believe it meant.
but it's whatever. i don't really care.i'm not going to continuously
repeat myself"
I apologize for the long post. It's the house-of-mirrors effect in this thread that really resonated with the origins of my SA. At home, I had legitimate thoughts and feelings that were uncomfortable for others, so I was constantly 'corrected' by my 'betters' and told which thoughts and feelings to have. Contradictions were a daily event. Validity was reserved for others - I had to live without personal validity in my home. Those who hurt me insisted I should be grateful to have their assistance and the fact that I objected to how they treated me was proof that I didn't understand. In fact - there was so much that was contradicted, demeaned, and exploited that I lost confidence in my being. I am striving to get it back.
You gently point out that genre_andrea can be avoided and encourage us to let it go. I see wisdom in your suggestion so I went away and thought about why I am feeding the attention seeker and haven't let it go yet.
I had an outgoing, extroverted sister who was always willing to 'help' and whose own problems really did quite a bit to help create mine. So - for a few days of posting on this site I was marveling at the feeling of sanctuary here. Then it seemed as if some of the reasons I am here showed up and insisted, in a demeaning manner, on helping me, studying me, and learning from me. There's cruel irony there - I think I am working it out by writing.
genre_andrea introduced herself by asking "will I still fit in here?" even though, in my opinion, 'yes' was the only answer she would accept or respect.
A kindly user offered candid information to help her decide if maybe she did have SA after all. He described the painful impact SA had on his life. I feel her reply briskly swept over his pain and proudly stated that she was 'extremely sure' that she didn't have HIS problem.
"that's unforunate. however, i am extremely positive i don't have
SA. i'm very extroverted and i can converse to just about anyone.
even you."
That 'even you'at the seems intended to imply that she had special gifts or talents that enable her to speak to him - THIS IS AFTER HE ADDRESSED HER FIRST with sensitivity and candor and helpful detail. She does not thank him or acknowledge him.
Someone tells her that the her presence makes him feel foolish and she replies:
" You shouldn't in any way feel foolish...."
She ignores the valid statement that he DOES feel foolish and transmits how he SHOULD feel. She's seems to tell him he has the wrong feelings....boy does that take me back! And they say you can never go home again.....
"i'm observing the situations you are all posting about.i'm in a
psychology class, and we were given a list of recommended websites to overlook and this one was my first choice."
I perceive an "above it all tone" - the scientific laboratory detatchment. Someone says she is making them uncomfortable, and she seems to say that she is not, instead, she is helping them.
"i refuse to antagonize any of you. it's inhuman"
She seems to forget she wrote this soon enough. People tell her in variety of ways that they feel uncomfortable with her stated intentions and condescending tone but she always replies that they SHOULDN'T feel that way and that she isn't being inappropriate. So, logically, this must mean that their opinions, impressions, and feelings are just wrong.
She seems to project the attitude of one speaking to inferiors or those who are weaker etc.
"it's not like you could stand up to me, anyway. not to mention, it would be unethical."
She seems to want us to think that she keeps ethics in mind but she never responds to my request for ethical treatment - I ask that we know who is studying us and why. I mean, my concern for ethics didn't even warrant a decline or an explanation on her part. It's as if her lofty ethics are her shield when she wants it.
Humble and Erythrocyte speak my concerns clearly - the strong feelings around the idea of being exploited while we are here seeking support. She seems to tell us our feelings are wrong.
"if i know what i'm talking about, you shouldn't be annoyed."
And she may feel we are not granting the credibility due her - a person without SA.
"and furthermore, i have family members who suffer from SA, so i can relate."
But she never grants those of us with SA who post concerns about exploitation credibility. In fact, she implies there's something wrong with us (inner problems) for objecting:
"take it as offensively as you wish. you all have your own inner-
problems i'm sure i'll never understand. but i'm truely and honestly
here to converse."
She seems to define reality for us; is she unaware that we have this capability ourselves?
"no, you are not being "used". yes, i am paying attention to your
stories and seeing how it relates to the material i am learning, but
overall, i'm just trying to listen and hopefully help"
In a demeaning manner, she seems to imply that we will not get any better unless we allow her to help us...and that is cruel and untrue.
"if you'd rather talk to fellow SA's about the same thing over and over again, and never really get over your disorder, then be my guest."
She seems to have no concept of what a relief it is for those of us with SA to talk to each other.
She seems to become frustrated and more forceful and restates what appears to be "acceptable" thoughts and feelings for us to have(afterall, it's not like we can stand up to her!):
"you're getting me wrong - you're not test subjects - i don't want to just be here to give advice. i'd like to talk to you like the rest of you talk to each other. just because i don't have SA doesn't mean i can't relate."
She seems to tell us why we are here and what our purpose is:
"i don't want to treat you like studies. you're all just helping me learn."
She seems to tire of our objections - why do we still have wrong thoughts and feelings after she told us which ones to have? The following genre_andria text doesn't grant other SPW posters validity or respect; she seems to imply that we can only 'try' to make assumptions and rattle on about it without coherent results; she makes it sound like our opinions and beliefs are failed attempts at rational thought:
"you can all go on and on about why you think i'm here and trying to
assume what i'm like, etc. that's perfectly fine. it doesn't bother
me.
i can tell most of you are offended by my presence. and you're
analyzing every word i typed to pick out what you believe it meant.
but it's whatever. i don't really care.i'm not going to continuously
repeat myself"
I apologize for the long post. It's the house-of-mirrors effect in this thread that really resonated with the origins of my SA. At home, I had legitimate thoughts and feelings that were uncomfortable for others, so I was constantly 'corrected' by my 'betters' and told which thoughts and feelings to have. Contradictions were a daily event. Validity was reserved for others - I had to live without personal validity in my home. Those who hurt me insisted I should be grateful to have their assistance and the fact that I objected to how they treated me was proof that I didn't understand. In fact - there was so much that was contradicted, demeaned, and exploited that I lost confidence in my being. I am striving to get it back.
