I can never ''accept'' this.

[Falkor]

hey,

As a social phobic,
I can never accept this way of living.
I feel so lonely. I rarely see a friend, but the last months i'm too anxious to call them , so I didnt see anyone, and I think this will keep going on for years.
I really wish I felt safe around people, Why must I be so anxious? They tell me there is nothing to be afraid of, but I still am afraid.
The only thing that makes me a bit happy now is that I'm sitting in the garden with lots of sunshine, that makes me feel joy.
But I really want to feel more joy.
I heard people talking about their daily life, they have a job etc..
I wish I had one. But If I would have one, I would give up.
I really hope for better times, and for all of you here.

Can you ever accept the way you are now??
If yes, how??

Much Love,

Saskia

 

[Scooter]

I think we need to accept that we are only capable of working with what we have at that moment in time and we should not beat ourselves up for getting it wrong.
I don't accept that this is it, if I accept that then there is no possibility of ever getting past it. Like everyone, I have good days and bad days, I just try to get through the bad days and keep going, there's bound to be another stage where there are less bad days and I just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other until I reach it
I try not to think and just to keep moving...

 

[Kat]

Accepting your weaknesses can make you stronger, but I don’t consider this to be a weakness. I wouldn’t say I have accepted this, but I have tried to adapt to it and focus on the things I can do even if it isn’t necessarily socially related.

 

[inspirer]

*deleted message

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I'm much older than you & have been this way basically since birth, so I've had no choice but to just accept that this is the way I am.

 

[FinalSolution]

So dont accept it. Thats the best thing u can do anyway. Why to live like this unhappy, scared, lonely life... forever.

I'm much older than you & have been this way basically since birth, so I've had no choice but to just accept that this is the way I am.

You ALWAYS have a choice. You can stay comfortably and safe at home or u can face ur fears and go out. You can ignore ppl u meet when u go out, or u can say hi to them and maybe even talk. If u dont do anything new u wil never get what u want.. unless SA is what u want

 

[mrb]

all you can do is hope things get better long term , im a lot better than i used to be , maybe sa calms down a little with age lol

 

[lyricalliaisons]

So dont accept it. Thats the best thing u can do anyway. Why to live like this unhappy, scared, lonely life... forever.




You ALWAYS have a choice. You can stay comfortably and safe at home or u can face ur fears and go out. You can ignore ppl u meet when u go out, or u can say hi to them and maybe even talk. If u dont do anything new u wil never get what u want.. unless SA is what u want

I've been doing a lot to help my situation, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lie to myself & pretend that this isn't the way I am. Accepting that I'm like this doesn't mean I'm accepting that this is the way I'll always be. There's a VERY big difference between accepting the way you are & accepting that you will always be that way.

 

[Falkor]

all you can do is hope things get better long term , im a lot better than i used to be , maybe sa calms down a little with age lol

Is that true? someone older then me told me that it's just puberty.
I will get over it when i'm like 20 years.
It might be...

 

[I_jailed_me]

Have you heard the term shy young girl!! There is nothing wrong in being shy girl, thats how girls are meant to be..


Not us men, neither girls or guys give a dam if your a shy man, the terms itself is sort of an oxymoron in society! Frankly what does society get out of us just penis and balls hanging out,thats the cheapest thing after sand!

 

[apollo]

Is that true? someone older then me told me that it's just puberty.
I will get over it when i'm like 20 years.
It might be...

Maybe for some. But don't depend on it to naturally get better. You're gonna have to deal with it sooner or later. Trust me you've problably read some posts where people were like 30 yrs and up regretting things and hoping they could turn back the clock. Be careful with the decisions and course you take.

 

[Demnos]

Ma’am, if I may ask, what is you’re actually “afraid” of about “people”?

To me, part of your problem seems to be that the issue you are attempting to confront isn’t explicit enough to be challenged. You indicate that your fear is of “people” but that’s like saying I am afraid of “spiders” (which I’m totally not, because I’m so damn manly *grunts*).

People aren’t afraid of “spiders” their afraid of “the physical danger of popular horror”. Children are, without any exception, totally Unafraid of spiders. They learn that fear from adults, because they learn about horror from adults.

You aren’t afraid of “people” you’re afraid of something you have learned that people will “do”. So what is it?

It is worth bearing in mind that evolution (spiritual, genetic or social) doesn’t happen unless the necessity of change is forced on an individual.

The giraffe didn’t grow a longer neck until food shortages due to drought resulted in only the animals with the longer necks surviving long enough to reproduce because they could reach the foliage on trees that had not been eaten by all the other herbivores. The same is true of your own personal evolution: you will not become socially capable until you confront and overcome your social apprehensions.

So what, specifically, is your social apprehension? If you cannot define it you will not overcome it. It is the same in war: an opponent can only be defeated once he is identified.

 

[Felgen]

I have never accepted my condition. If I did, I would just accept feeling lonely and miserable.

Wanting to get rid of social anxiety is the first step to get rid of social anxiety.

 

[Lost Girl]

Have you heard the term shy young girl!! There is nothing wrong in being shy girl, thats how girls are meant to be..


Not us men, neither girls or guys give a dam if your a shy man, the terms itself is sort of an oxymoron in society! Frankly what does society get out of us just penis and balls hanging out,thats the cheapest thing after sand!

what on earth...

 

[Why]

im 19 male, i dont accept my lifestyle but at the same time I havent commited myself to fully changing. Im dealing with shyness and SA so its hard but im optimistic ill be able to turn my life around in the few coming years, no point in cryin about it

 

[nicknamehere]

I'm 25 and after all these years of not accepting, I finally gave in and took it. I simply couldn't deal living like this. I know my anxiety isn't going to go away, and I have to accept that. Otherwise I'm going to be continually unhappy and feeling sorry for myself day in and day out.

Like what you mentioned, you enjoy the sunny whether being in the garden. That already proves you're positive and you want to enjoy life. I have been doing the same things too, and it's actually working. Such as getting up early in the morning and eating breakfast in public. It's so quiet and very relaxing. And what amazes me is I've noticed people are extremely upbeat, nicer and sincere, rather than during the day.

All I can say is, take the next step. Get up early, and walk to a park or a garden in the city. Even if it takes an hour to get there.

 

[OPERA]

Not us men, neither girls or guys give a dam if your a shy man, the terms itself is sort of an oxymoron in society! Frankly what does society get out of us just penis and balls hanging out,thats the cheapest thing after sand!

I agree. Building sandcastles in public is, well, frankly disturbing (if you ask me).

 

[Scooter]

Is that true? someone older then me told me that it's just puberty.
I will get over it when i'm like 20 years.
It might be...

It's not that it goes away with age, but it does get easier. My adolescence was completely ruled by SA, not that I knew what it was then. As an adult I go through longer periods of the SA just being in the corner, still there, but not saying much. As an adult I've realised that stress kicks it back into overdrive & it's still just as bad, but it's not constantly at that level anymore.
Hormones do seriously make it worse when you're younger. So have faith, it will ease off

 

[jbeenthere]

They tell me there is nothing to be afraid of, but I still am afraid.

I think they are wrong. being judged negatively by someone else who you think has a valid opinion is probably the worst possible thing. that is why this phobia is so debilitating. if you can begin to teach yourself that your fear of being judged by others is similar to someone who has a phobia about snakes or spiders. there is a danger with some species but not the ones you come across on a daily basis. some people are going to judge you harshly sometimes but that would be their failure and not yours and one that can be understood in the context of their own insecurity. and everyone who is sane and and the least bit sensitive has insecurities - those are the best people to have as friends.

on the other hand I have been wondering lately whether SA is in fact an internal mechanism that strikes in the teenage years to rid oneself of certain narcissistic impulses. when I was a kid I was in a lot of commercials and was really good in school and sports. I often wondered why SA was happening to me in my teenage years and thought maybe this simply a reaction to the negative impulse to be a narcissistic egomaniac. if I had the choice of being shy and humble or narcissistic and unbearable, I would choose the shy and humble every time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I learned a lot about human suffering during the height of my SA and I also learned how to work really hard at trying to be something good and pure. you seem to be an artist who is receptive to this kind of learning experience so give yourself credit and use all of the suffering to improve some small part of the world.

and try and repeat to yourself - "I wish to be judged the same way I judge others - as human, and vulnerable to great pain and great joy."

good luck

 

[Dionysus]

I can't ever just lie down and accept it. For awhile (and I bet all of us did this) I thought that my anxiety was just me, like it was just who I was and I couldnt change that. But thats a load of horse****. Nothing is predetermined and if theres one thing I HAVE accepted, its the fact that the responsibility, consequences and choices were and are on my shoulders alone. I made the choices and now I deal with the repercussions. Consequences are a smack in the face telling you you shouldve taken the other route. ( I know people usually like to take the path less treaded, but ive made a conscious effort to do the opposite and it fills you with..confidence, but its hard to feel unless you keep building it up). Were all imprisoned behind the bars of our minds =P