A
alex.frispy
Guest
BLUSH (or anybody else), i desperately need your help! If you don't mind, i would like to share my social phobia/excessive blushing problem and experiences.
Please could you possibly take the time to read through my post because, although i've researched quite a deal about the fear of blushing and excessive self consciousness etc and HAVE done techniques, my condition has never been worse and you've just introduced something entirely new to me that could be a solution, but i'm a bit bewildered..
Firstly, i am a male, and almost 15(in april). I have missed ALOT of school over the past 2 years because my excessive blushing problem has formed into the social phobia cycle of fearing blushing and has got so bad i blush whenever i'm in my school environment and i actually have no physical choice but to avoid it.
These are just some of the typical scenarios that provoke my blushing:
exposing myself to:
- my recently met school peers,
-most public people of the opposite sex,
-people i refer to making me feel awkward (maybe from remembering past experiences),
-most uncomfortable public situations (public speaking- although specifically with people i know or who i think might judge me),
Basicly just situations where i fear i'm going to blush. (even if they're not embarrassing at all) (i also have a flush of sweating when i blush)
****(below is a long description of how my blushing increased over 2 years, i would appreciate if you read it because you may see some detail that you are either familiar with and can exchange tips on blushing advice etc---
SKIP TO THE NEXT 4 ASTERIXS IF YOU WANT TO READ MY POST MORE BRIEFLY)*
It all started when i was in year 8 (13yrs) and i started dating a girl (not the first time btw). It was the last year of junior/middle school and most of my friends had already gone to secondary. My class consisted of 5 girls and me (so quite small and personal), which didn't bother me on the self conscious side of things (unless it was subconscious) until later on. Mid year (i cant remember the situation specifically as such) is when i actually blushed (face turned red from slight embarrassment) for the first time. I think i remember being at lunchtime, sitting among alot of girls (including my recent girlfriend) and one confident boy who used to talk and flirt a lot. This grew in months until everytime i had lunch i would be paranoid about blushing, especially when i was sitting with both my girlfriend and my very confident friend at the same time. Whenever they'd say something a little bit embarrassing or if i thought it would lead to embarrassment i would quickly change the subject or leave for the toilet.
Anyway, the end of the year came and my flushing wasn't too drastic yet, i could still talk to girls pretty well and performed a play at the end of the year, although the rehearsals were a nightmare for me. Especially because my girlfriend was always in the same scene as me so i had to act in front of her and meet eye contact alot. The time came and i had to move house about 250 miles away and i slowly lost contact with my girlfriend.
I attended a new school in autumn 2008 (my current secondary school) and was very nervous but, at the same time, quite excited. For the first week i rarely spoke and i think i blushed once very briefly. But as time went on, after the first week, i started to know people and acknowledged some of the attractive girls and 'popular' people. Of course, because of the new environment it's hard to get socially accepted, especially when you have social phobia. Out of all my friends from junior school, I never thought i would be the one who'd find it socially difficult, Ever. I don't think anyone else did either. But unfortunate life went on and i started to blush when i spoke to girls that were attractive. Lunch was the first (and still is) BIG problem. Because there's an alloted time to sit down and eat in our school, exposed to anyone and everyone, unable to move until the bell went, it was torture.
Just 2 or 3 weeks into my new school was when i started to take days off because of avoidance of blushing, i took 3 days off, then became 4, 5, then i would go back in for a few days or so, then take more off. It was getting more rapid and so was the blushing. I was falling behind on work and by the end of the autumn term i managed to only attend about 40% of school. The school was very cooperative and helped as much as possible, but i didn't tell anyone of my blushing, i couldn't. They just took it as social phobia. I tried again in the spring term (2009) after the new year but only managed a few weeks without taking more days off again. I blushed explosively about 4 times a week without people noticing, everyday i was conscious about blushing and was avoiding breaks and lunches.
Mid spring term i had no close friends and started missing school completely. Then the depression hit in. I was doing no coursework, i couldn't speak to many people (especially acquaintances) , couldn't go into town regularly and was missing out on life! I started seeing a hypnotherapist. The problem was- i couldn't say because i was just getting anxious and actually blushing in my hypno sessions. She taught me some tips on calming anxiety and i told her i was very self conscious to an extent that i couldn't go into an uncomfortable environment but never specified that actual flushing red was my problem. She said i don't have much of a problem with self esteem or lack any cognitive abilities, but i already knew that. It wasnt helping after a month and a bit (i know it probably wasn't long enough) and i was just getting really anxious about attending the sessions so i reluctantly cancelled the sessions and started researching.
I purchased an eBook online for £20 about curing the cycle of fearing blushing and calming self consciousness. I only had a visual book on most of the stuff i already knew, plus a few extra techniques on how to reduce blushing. The therapy tape, however, i had a go at. But it only downloaded half the mp3 so i didn't get it all.. My research on helping my blushing problem paused when the summer holidays came and i knew i had to go back in autumn. All the work i had fallen behind on from the times i had missed was now on top of me. I had to finish it before i went back, so i spent all holiday working. Luckily, it paid off.
I went back to school in the autumn on a fresh start, different appearance, fresh mind and was feeling okay-ish. But I now constantly had my head down, away or hidden most of the time in school and rarely started a conversation because i was SO conscious of my blushing. I blushed everyday , every time i spoke to certain girls or a group of people and absolutely hated going there. It was at it's worst. Two acquaintances i knew from last year became close friends of mine and they noticed i was less socialable than before, i told them i have a form of anxiety depression, which is partly true, so they're more tolerant and understanding about it now. I was now allowed to have my lunch in a seperate room, which was a huge relief for me because i could relax on my own, although i hated the questions. The questions my peers asked me when i would mysteriously miss school, or go in a different room for lunch, or not go out to break etc. I just told them i needed to catch up on work. I hated lying, I hated missing school.
I stayed pretty constant in my attendance through the term though, taking little days out but always pulling myself back in again. It was a struggle. Especially with extra coursework on top of it. Certain lessons became a nusense and i would hate certain days more than others because of the desk layout, people in the classes etc. It was starting to get selective. I was okay talking in town to shop keepers or buying things and was getting better in public areas and exposure. My main problem now was school. I associate it with fear and blushing, so the thought just makes it worse. I now blushed excessively about 3 times a day, in school, but constantly thinking about it and trying to prevent it. It's exhausting. I stopped attending and started doing work at home at the second half of the term and then christmas came. So now i'm here.
My school starts again tomorrow but i doubt i can bare it until i get temporary help to get more relaxed about socializing without worrying about going red!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
****
I'm so behind on work that i'm on the verge of failing secondary school and GCSE's- which is a big deal for me because i am usually good at most aspects in school (academic and sport - and, previously, the social aspect until i developed this).
I try to keep up with work whenever i can but it's just piling up. Moving schools would pretty much be defeating the object because i'm in the middle of my GCSE's anyway. Plus, there's no guarantee i wont have the same problem anyway where else after a few weeks.
-The thing is, (after a bit of shyness as an infant) i grew to be a bit more confident and really good with people (not flirting or talking loads, but just good with people), everyone liked me in my junior school (9-12yrs), i was a good speaker, i didn't have any problem with socializing and i had a major role in a play! Infact i was very 'popular' with my peers. But soon as this took over i, gradually, was trapped and before i knew it, found myself avoiding social situations with certain people, school lunches etc. However,after 2 years, because avoidance has overrun me, i'm now in the worst situation possible- avoiding virtually all intimidating situations.
-90% of the time it's triggered off from myself always THINKING about blushing or WORRYING whether i'm going to blush when im in, even, the most slightest uncomfortable situation- which makes me think that it may have nothing to do with histadelia and may just be completely psychological.
But even if it is, maybe there is some medicine i could take that would decrease my blushing for the first few weeks and help regain some confidence and move on from there?
Sorry about the length of my post.
It's surprising how much the fear of a red face can actually do, really.
You will actually completely turn my life around if you can help me.
Btw, I think having this has really made me come to terms with the stress and struggle this actually gives to people and i give utter respect for everyone out there unfortunate enough to be suffering and missing out in opportunities, It's unfair. It, also, should never be looked down upon by hypocrites who don't know what it's like. All social phobias should definitely be taken seriously, however 'silly' or simple they may seem from unexperienced eyes.
Please could you possibly take the time to read through my post because, although i've researched quite a deal about the fear of blushing and excessive self consciousness etc and HAVE done techniques, my condition has never been worse and you've just introduced something entirely new to me that could be a solution, but i'm a bit bewildered..
Firstly, i am a male, and almost 15(in april). I have missed ALOT of school over the past 2 years because my excessive blushing problem has formed into the social phobia cycle of fearing blushing and has got so bad i blush whenever i'm in my school environment and i actually have no physical choice but to avoid it.
These are just some of the typical scenarios that provoke my blushing:
exposing myself to:
- my recently met school peers,
-most public people of the opposite sex,
-people i refer to making me feel awkward (maybe from remembering past experiences),
-most uncomfortable public situations (public speaking- although specifically with people i know or who i think might judge me),
Basicly just situations where i fear i'm going to blush. (even if they're not embarrassing at all) (i also have a flush of sweating when i blush)
****(below is a long description of how my blushing increased over 2 years, i would appreciate if you read it because you may see some detail that you are either familiar with and can exchange tips on blushing advice etc---
SKIP TO THE NEXT 4 ASTERIXS IF YOU WANT TO READ MY POST MORE BRIEFLY)*
It all started when i was in year 8 (13yrs) and i started dating a girl (not the first time btw). It was the last year of junior/middle school and most of my friends had already gone to secondary. My class consisted of 5 girls and me (so quite small and personal), which didn't bother me on the self conscious side of things (unless it was subconscious) until later on. Mid year (i cant remember the situation specifically as such) is when i actually blushed (face turned red from slight embarrassment) for the first time. I think i remember being at lunchtime, sitting among alot of girls (including my recent girlfriend) and one confident boy who used to talk and flirt a lot. This grew in months until everytime i had lunch i would be paranoid about blushing, especially when i was sitting with both my girlfriend and my very confident friend at the same time. Whenever they'd say something a little bit embarrassing or if i thought it would lead to embarrassment i would quickly change the subject or leave for the toilet.
Anyway, the end of the year came and my flushing wasn't too drastic yet, i could still talk to girls pretty well and performed a play at the end of the year, although the rehearsals were a nightmare for me. Especially because my girlfriend was always in the same scene as me so i had to act in front of her and meet eye contact alot. The time came and i had to move house about 250 miles away and i slowly lost contact with my girlfriend.
I attended a new school in autumn 2008 (my current secondary school) and was very nervous but, at the same time, quite excited. For the first week i rarely spoke and i think i blushed once very briefly. But as time went on, after the first week, i started to know people and acknowledged some of the attractive girls and 'popular' people. Of course, because of the new environment it's hard to get socially accepted, especially when you have social phobia. Out of all my friends from junior school, I never thought i would be the one who'd find it socially difficult, Ever. I don't think anyone else did either. But unfortunate life went on and i started to blush when i spoke to girls that were attractive. Lunch was the first (and still is) BIG problem. Because there's an alloted time to sit down and eat in our school, exposed to anyone and everyone, unable to move until the bell went, it was torture.
Just 2 or 3 weeks into my new school was when i started to take days off because of avoidance of blushing, i took 3 days off, then became 4, 5, then i would go back in for a few days or so, then take more off. It was getting more rapid and so was the blushing. I was falling behind on work and by the end of the autumn term i managed to only attend about 40% of school. The school was very cooperative and helped as much as possible, but i didn't tell anyone of my blushing, i couldn't. They just took it as social phobia. I tried again in the spring term (2009) after the new year but only managed a few weeks without taking more days off again. I blushed explosively about 4 times a week without people noticing, everyday i was conscious about blushing and was avoiding breaks and lunches.
Mid spring term i had no close friends and started missing school completely. Then the depression hit in. I was doing no coursework, i couldn't speak to many people (especially acquaintances) , couldn't go into town regularly and was missing out on life! I started seeing a hypnotherapist. The problem was- i couldn't say because i was just getting anxious and actually blushing in my hypno sessions. She taught me some tips on calming anxiety and i told her i was very self conscious to an extent that i couldn't go into an uncomfortable environment but never specified that actual flushing red was my problem. She said i don't have much of a problem with self esteem or lack any cognitive abilities, but i already knew that. It wasnt helping after a month and a bit (i know it probably wasn't long enough) and i was just getting really anxious about attending the sessions so i reluctantly cancelled the sessions and started researching.
I purchased an eBook online for £20 about curing the cycle of fearing blushing and calming self consciousness. I only had a visual book on most of the stuff i already knew, plus a few extra techniques on how to reduce blushing. The therapy tape, however, i had a go at. But it only downloaded half the mp3 so i didn't get it all.. My research on helping my blushing problem paused when the summer holidays came and i knew i had to go back in autumn. All the work i had fallen behind on from the times i had missed was now on top of me. I had to finish it before i went back, so i spent all holiday working. Luckily, it paid off.
I went back to school in the autumn on a fresh start, different appearance, fresh mind and was feeling okay-ish. But I now constantly had my head down, away or hidden most of the time in school and rarely started a conversation because i was SO conscious of my blushing. I blushed everyday , every time i spoke to certain girls or a group of people and absolutely hated going there. It was at it's worst. Two acquaintances i knew from last year became close friends of mine and they noticed i was less socialable than before, i told them i have a form of anxiety depression, which is partly true, so they're more tolerant and understanding about it now. I was now allowed to have my lunch in a seperate room, which was a huge relief for me because i could relax on my own, although i hated the questions. The questions my peers asked me when i would mysteriously miss school, or go in a different room for lunch, or not go out to break etc. I just told them i needed to catch up on work. I hated lying, I hated missing school.
I stayed pretty constant in my attendance through the term though, taking little days out but always pulling myself back in again. It was a struggle. Especially with extra coursework on top of it. Certain lessons became a nusense and i would hate certain days more than others because of the desk layout, people in the classes etc. It was starting to get selective. I was okay talking in town to shop keepers or buying things and was getting better in public areas and exposure. My main problem now was school. I associate it with fear and blushing, so the thought just makes it worse. I now blushed excessively about 3 times a day, in school, but constantly thinking about it and trying to prevent it. It's exhausting. I stopped attending and started doing work at home at the second half of the term and then christmas came. So now i'm here.
My school starts again tomorrow but i doubt i can bare it until i get temporary help to get more relaxed about socializing without worrying about going red!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
****
I'm so behind on work that i'm on the verge of failing secondary school and GCSE's- which is a big deal for me because i am usually good at most aspects in school (academic and sport - and, previously, the social aspect until i developed this).
I try to keep up with work whenever i can but it's just piling up. Moving schools would pretty much be defeating the object because i'm in the middle of my GCSE's anyway. Plus, there's no guarantee i wont have the same problem anyway where else after a few weeks.
-The thing is, (after a bit of shyness as an infant) i grew to be a bit more confident and really good with people (not flirting or talking loads, but just good with people), everyone liked me in my junior school (9-12yrs), i was a good speaker, i didn't have any problem with socializing and i had a major role in a play! Infact i was very 'popular' with my peers. But soon as this took over i, gradually, was trapped and before i knew it, found myself avoiding social situations with certain people, school lunches etc. However,after 2 years, because avoidance has overrun me, i'm now in the worst situation possible- avoiding virtually all intimidating situations.
-90% of the time it's triggered off from myself always THINKING about blushing or WORRYING whether i'm going to blush when im in, even, the most slightest uncomfortable situation- which makes me think that it may have nothing to do with histadelia and may just be completely psychological.
But even if it is, maybe there is some medicine i could take that would decrease my blushing for the first few weeks and help regain some confidence and move on from there?
Sorry about the length of my post.
It's surprising how much the fear of a red face can actually do, really.
You will actually completely turn my life around if you can help me.
Btw, I think having this has really made me come to terms with the stress and struggle this actually gives to people and i give utter respect for everyone out there unfortunate enough to be suffering and missing out in opportunities, It's unfair. It, also, should never be looked down upon by hypocrites who don't know what it's like. All social phobias should definitely be taken seriously, however 'silly' or simple they may seem from unexperienced eyes.
