I am giving up on being socially confident/normal

[goldatom]

I've given up on being socially confident. It makes me have a nervous breakdown or makes me bend over backwards to please others. I have ruined my academics and job prospects in trying to be confident or even normal. So I've given up on it. Right now I've locked myself in my bedroom while there are guests of my parents in the house.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, it's okay to have a break and some time to breathe... (Especially if the guests are boring..)

I think it's better to go for a 'quiet and pleasant' option or something like that. There will always be people who are 'super-confident' (and those can be sometimes annoying too), and people-pleasers can have a whole 'nother set of problems (I know that from 1st hand experience too, sigh).

I think there's a 3rd option - to just be YOU - as you are.. Knowing you'll never be quite like other people, you're unique, with unique strengths and things to learn too..

So I say, good for you!! Actually being nervous and still doing things can be BRAVER than just 'doing things'... Sometimes giving up and just being you can lead to interesting new discoveries...

 

[Bones]

Good for you, give yourself room to breathe... then when you try again (if you do) you'll be all refreshed!

 

[Sial Axetder]

Don't give up for too long. Like others are saying, suggesting, take a break. Socially confident is not easy. Time for some tea, I think.

 

[theblank]

I've given up on being socially confident. It makes me have a nervous breakdown or makes me bend over backwards to please others. I have ruined my academics and job prospects in trying to be confident or even normal. So I've given up on it. Right now I've locked myself in my bedroom while there are guests of my parents in the house.

I think I know what you mean. I've gone through periods where I was determined to be outgoing and "normal", but they were taxing on me and unsustainable. I had to retreat from them because I felt like such a fraud and like I wasn't being true to myself. So I stopped being a phony and just accepted the fact that I am a naturally quiet, introverted person and not super talkative and outgoing like everyone else. If people don't like me then so be it, but I'm not going to hurt myself further by trying to be something I'm not.

 

[Sial Axetder]

So I stopped being a phony and just accepted the fact that I am a naturally quiet, introverted person and not super talkative and outgoing like everyone else. If people don't like me then so be it, but I'm not going to hurt myself further by trying to be something I'm not.

Introvert! Me too. Or was I? Yes, still am.

Can't stand the super talkative. I don't dislike them I just can't follow what they're saying. Slow, easy, short, I got it.

Perhaps experience speaking from are you. Followed it well I have. Yoda, speak backwards I do.

 

[R3K]

I think I know what you mean. I've gone through periods where I was determined to be outgoing and "normal", but they were taxing on me and unsustainable. I had to retreat from them because I felt like such a fraud and like I wasn't being true to myself. So I stopped being a phony and just accepted the fact that I am a naturally quiet, introverted person and not super talkative and outgoing like everyone else. If people don't like me then so be it, but I'm not going to hurt myself further by trying to be something I'm not.

^this is the right mentality for this situation, i think. you can spend your whole life trying to be something you're not and in the end you may get nothing out of it but more fruitless pain. there are advantages to being an introvert... though it's not likely you'll be the CEO of a huge company and be raking in billions of dollars per year. you gotta take a moment and do some self-assessment and figure out what your advantages are and focus on them.

i live with my sister and she throws parties like every week. occasionally some drunk chick with a beer in her hand will come stumbling into my room and say "what are you doing all alone in hurr?" and i'm like: "reading a book." after a short conversatin she stumbles back out into the party and when i see her again the next week she's like: "who are you? i've never seen you before."

and i'm just like... wow.

 

[goldatom]

Thanks for all the pep talk

 

[dutchguy]

I know how you feel. Sometimes you invest so much energy in trying to be 'normal' and 'confident' and at some point you think "what am I doing this for anyway? This isn't even making me happy!". It's no crime to just 'take a break' at such moments; trying to be more confident is definitely stressful and everyone needs some time to relax once in a while.