How to tell your friends? :(

[steve230]

Hey people

So I'm a bit stuck on what to do here.. I have some great friends, most of them I work with. As its coming to the Summer, they are always wanting to go out and have fun, which is understandable. I'd love too as well, but, I just can't, due to my SA.

I always end up making some kind of excuse, or not answering my phone. I can tell my friends are starting to get anoyed that I'm never there, but I just don't know how to bring it up or how to explain it properly to them so they'd understand.

I go out now and again, but not really that much, so my SA isn't that bad, but I just hate being a disappointment to people. If anyone has told their friends, I'd love to hear how you managed to bring it up, how they took it, that kind of thing.

Thanks.

 

[dyingtolive]

make ur profile pic on facebook something hermit related.. to give people the idea?

well for me, it eventually just became common knowledge.. and when people see me, its more of "hes not the type...who'd be a social butterfly" rather than about having social anxiety.. its sorta common for some people to be more loner than others,

when i first heard about SA as a sickness, it was pretty much a revelation.. and i got worried telling people.. but now fast forward 3 years.. i pretty much still have it, but i dont see it as SA anymore.. i just see it as "the drag". does that make any sense? anyway, nowadays im not embarassed about it anymore, i consider it just a minor thing that everyone probably knows about me (to some extent)

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Would you LIKE to go, or it's just not your thing doing activities with others?
If you would like to go, don't use SAD as an excuse to not face your fear of refection, or fear of being judged negatively, like you can't go because you broke your leg. It's not a good excuse and it will only keep you in your lonely and low self esteem state. Anyway, it seems you are disappointing them by not going.
If you just prefere doing things alone, just tell them the truth, you're a loner. I do that all the time. It's very well accepted in occidental society.

The above is just my opinion.

 

[dyingtolive]

i tend to miss on a lot of these stuff.. but they usually happen again, and as long as i dont miss all of them, i still got my head above water

 

[popolala]

Im the same too.. I make excuses at last minuite not to go, they can tell im not a social butterfly, but they invite me anyways because they want to help build my confidence.
They know cause they point it out to me....

It actually does depend on the crowd.. the one i mention where my uni crowd.. i wasnt totally comfortable around them...
i think if im with the right crowd of people, i be more comfortable.. to do stuff together and hang out..

 

[steve230]

Thanks for the replies. Inside and days before things are about to happen, I really want to go, for example just going out to the pub, hanging round friends houses, cinema, whatever really, i do want to go, but as it gets closer and closer to the dates, i start having second thoughts to i eventually pull out. When i do go out on ocassions i usually have a great time and enjoy it, but the hard part for me is actually getting out the door

 

[Untamed88]

I literally don't have any friends but I'd imagine that if these people are as great as you say they are they will listen and accept what you have to say.

 

[dean01]

i dont want to put a downer on you telling your friends but when i told mine i got mixed results, some said that they were ok with it and then avoided me and others said they had had problems of there own and were brilliant about it, even offering to help me. overall most of my friends did try to understand and i found women understood better than men.
there is also danger that if you suffer from paranoia (as i do) that if you tell one friend you could get paranoid that they've told someone else.
nobodys surcumstances are the same so my advice is to take your time and think things through first. goodluck

 

[steve230]

i dont want to put a downer on you telling your friends but when i told mine i got mixed results, some said that they were ok with it and then avoided me

yeah, this is what im worried about. i dont want to loose my friends, but i feel i will either way. if i dont tell them and just dont go out, ill alienate myself. if i do tell them and they get all freaked out or see it as weird, i could alienate them as well. kinda feel stuck with this at the moment

 

[megalon]

Back when I actually had friends close enough to invite me to go places, they sort of forced me to go. I'm glad they did. I wouldn't have gone if I wasn't forced to and it increased my confidence and social experience. The only way to get rid of the anxiety for good is to take steps outside your comfort zone.