How to stop obsessing about self-ugliness?

[Pacific_Loner]

So you think all 'ugly' people should be miserable and cry all night? Do you think this would make the world a better place?

Or course not... I never said they should... I never said I should. I mean nobody should, that's the point. Nobody should be so obsessed with their appearance that it keeps them from being happy and doing what they want to do. I just don't understand how to get over it. I'm looking for a revelation that would make me believe it doesn't matter.

 

[coyote]

for what it's worth, I think you're good looking

 

[Pacific_Loner]

for what it's worth, I think you're good looking

Thanks for the good intention ::

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I am totally obsessed by the fact that I am ugly. I can't sleep right now, because I was just thinking too much about how ugly I am, and I had to get up. I'm thinking about this all the time. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up and it's the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. It's really a problem. Everytime I'm with people, I feel like I am imposing my ugliness to them.

I am a realist. I don't tell someone they're pretty if I think they're ugly (or even average). I always prefer an unpleasant truth to a pleasant lie.

You are a pretty girl, and I'm really glad I've seen your face. If I thought you were ugly I'd just be silent on the matter of your appearance.

So, um yeah--I think it's lobotomy time to solve that 'ugliness' problem. ::

 

[Sial Axetder]

I am a realist. I don't tell someone they're pretty if I think they're ugly (or even average). I always prefer an unpleasant truth to a pleasant lie.

You are a pretty girl, and I'm really glad I've seen your face. If I thought you were ugly I'd just be silent on the matter of your appearance.

That's the word. Realist.
Pacific, Nathaniel speaks truth.
How about some random smiles: ::

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Lol thank you Nathaniel and Sial. I will start looking up for information about lobotomy.
Seriously I guess there is no magic answer to that. For now I'm able to put aside these superficial matters when I'm overwhelmed by my entusiasm about something.
Unfortunately it never last. But I guess it's a good place to start. Keeping the mind busy.

 

[Minty]

Minty, it's true that you bring a good point. Personality matters more. But this is the reason why I feel that I need to have an amazing personality. But I don't... not that I'm not trying, but you can't really change who you are. I'm not doing really good in life, I keep losing my jobs, I'm not good socially, I'm not really going anywhere, I'm not successful, and I feel like if at least I was pretty, that would excuse me, because at least I would make the landscape prettier. I have no idea if that sounds stupid. it probably does.

It doesn't sound stupid at all. I think most people feel that way because society places a lot of value on beauty. It also places a lot of value on a "good" personality, which society defines as extroverted, bubbly, fearless, life of the party, etc. But the truth is most people cannot tolerate being around a person like that for too long. It's exhausting. They're fun to be around at parties, sure...but what about when you just want to relax? What about when something serious has happened to you and you need someone to listen? Someone who understands what it's like to be insecure?

You have a beautiful personality even if it's not what society values. And your personality is compatible with the personalities of many others out there, including many of the people on this site. And that bubbly, outgoing personality is NOT compatible with many people. So don't think you have to change.

 

[coyote]

almost looks like you could do it yourself

 

[bsebring]

almost looks like you could do it yourself

zombify me doc!

 

[hoddesdon]

This is just a projection of social phobia, as can be seen in this thread http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/i-am-ugly-30186/ and in the various "post your picture" threads. This issue was discussed in this thread http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/what-is-the-relation-between-bdd-and-sa-30320/.

It is actually hilarious that pictures are put up with a comment about the person's ugliness, and everyone else contradicts them. The ones doing the contradicting then say exactly the same about themselves. Person A says "This is my picture, but I am ugly", Person B says "No, you're not"; Person B says "This is my picture, but I really am ugly - everyone else mistakenly believes so, but I am the only one who is right", Person A says "No, you're not".

You put your picture up briefly, and were told you are not ugly. Was the person lying? If so, what is their motivation?

When you say you feel you "have to be the most amazing person ever", that is mentioned in this article:

Social phobia: diagnosis, assessment ... - Google Books

The article says that unrealistically high expectations, and the feeling they can not be met, lie at the heart of social phobia. So perhaps realising that you are not ugly, and therefore do not have to be the most amazing person ever, would really help.