206Raider
Well-known member
we'll I've had problems with anxiety forever as some know here but every once in awhile I get this fight inside of me to either die or fight out of this hole I'm in. and over the past few months I've felt like dying and not trying, I lsot all my friends, my sister who I was the closest to my whole life doesn't talk to me anymore becuase of an argument and haven't talked for 5 months and I been pretty housebound lately and progressivly worse everyday, I was never afraid to answer phone calls like some of you and now I am.
Now I've got this past week like "okay you have to fight back or you'll never change" feeling. I try to think of everyday as a positive and give myself positive reinforcment as much as possible. last week I hung out with my cousin and got drunk and it was a fun night. Then these past couple days I've been applying at jobs everyday and take care of myself make sure I look good even if I don't feel that way as in not putting on a t-shirt and sweats and sitting on the couch watchin TV or surfin the net, and isntead put on some ironed jeans and cool shoes and just look clean. I've answered the phone and called places becuase I jsut think "if you don't do it you know you'll regret it and no progress is made like the past 2 years really"...
recently I was talkin to some girl on the internet and she wanted me to call her ( becuase she thought I was cute, I get that a lot but that doesn't help my social awkwardness) and I sat there like 5 minutes panicking but if you just press send there is nothing you ca do so I jsut pressed the button and conversation was a fail but I try to think it's a plus becuase even though I stumbled over words and talked too fast so that she asked "what?" a few times it was awkward but I did it, so that has to be progress. I just feel like for some reason I just been waiting for somebody or something to get me going but I'm realizing if I want to change I have to climb the big ass hill infront of me myself becuase nobody is comign to the rescue. My anxiety is very high and I still can't talk to people well but I'm forcing it. I know I hit rock bottom again cause I just really wanted to die last week. Now I wanna change.
My question is how can you keep this feeling, lol? this isn't the first time I've had this high were I feel I can finally break the barrier. Maybe ya'll don't know but I figured my best answer comes from ya'll success stories. It just seems the devil gets in my ear eventually like "you really haven't done shyt, your a failure" and then I believe it becuase believe me I hear myself thinkin this constantly still.
Now I've got this past week like "okay you have to fight back or you'll never change" feeling. I try to think of everyday as a positive and give myself positive reinforcment as much as possible. last week I hung out with my cousin and got drunk and it was a fun night. Then these past couple days I've been applying at jobs everyday and take care of myself make sure I look good even if I don't feel that way as in not putting on a t-shirt and sweats and sitting on the couch watchin TV or surfin the net, and isntead put on some ironed jeans and cool shoes and just look clean. I've answered the phone and called places becuase I jsut think "if you don't do it you know you'll regret it and no progress is made like the past 2 years really"...
recently I was talkin to some girl on the internet and she wanted me to call her ( becuase she thought I was cute, I get that a lot but that doesn't help my social awkwardness) and I sat there like 5 minutes panicking but if you just press send there is nothing you ca do so I jsut pressed the button and conversation was a fail but I try to think it's a plus becuase even though I stumbled over words and talked too fast so that she asked "what?" a few times it was awkward but I did it, so that has to be progress. I just feel like for some reason I just been waiting for somebody or something to get me going but I'm realizing if I want to change I have to climb the big ass hill infront of me myself becuase nobody is comign to the rescue. My anxiety is very high and I still can't talk to people well but I'm forcing it. I know I hit rock bottom again cause I just really wanted to die last week. Now I wanna change.
My question is how can you keep this feeling, lol? this isn't the first time I've had this high were I feel I can finally break the barrier. Maybe ya'll don't know but I figured my best answer comes from ya'll success stories. It just seems the devil gets in my ear eventually like "you really haven't done shyt, your a failure" and then I believe it becuase believe me I hear myself thinkin this constantly still.
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