How to help someone depressed

[divethruhaze]

When you are feeling down or are depressed, what do you want? If you had a friend, what would you like this friend to do? what could this friend say to you to help you feel better?

Thanks in advance for your replies, ideas and opinions.

And also what should I avoid doing/saying?

 

[pebblesdundee]

A ffiend to Listen to me moan, give me a good hug, let me cry onto their shoulder, and just be there I guess. Just reassurance helps me, knowing someone's there who wants me to be happy. But that might just be me

 

[mikebird]

I believe it's not easy to accomplish, but there a magic moment, a spark, or idea, or lucky time, when something will solve all problems, and after so much trying (months... years) will also make it obvious that it could have been done easily right at the start, but you didn't realise it then.

It's all about experience.

It takes someone with more experience of misery than the mate you want to help.

Talking to a depressed person as a person with a higher disposition of glee, etc will never help, and probably make it worse! eg. Hey! Come on! Cheer up! Go on! I'm fine! Come outta your shell!! Come on!! Go on!!!

Someone who's really been down, and remembers it well, but is now on top of things, that's how it's possible...

 

[Phoenixx]

When I'm depressed, all I want is for someone to just listen to me. Listening is always important. It would be nice if someone gave me hugs too.

 

[katgrrrl]

For me.. its the same as others have said.. just someone there to listen if i want to vent or i dont feel like talking to just let me cry and give me hugs.

I had an ex who would just get mad at me eventually.. tell me to grow up and stop being a cry baby.. to act my age.. to get over it and try to tell me how to feel. Things definately no one wants to hear when they are feeling depressed.

Just let your friend that know that you are there for anything they need and let them know also that its ok to feel this way. Not to be embarrassed or ashamed.

 

[divethruhaze]

thanks, interesting replies so far.
Also, as mike and katgrrrl pointed out, what should people avoid doing?

 

[Beatrice]

It's all about experience... It takes someone with more experience of misery than the mate you want to help... Someone who's really been down, and remembers it well, but is now on top of things, that's how it's possible...

This is EXACTLY what I told someone before. No one told me this, I just sort of thought..... this is what would be best. I said, I'd like to have a friend who has been there before. Not someone who has never been down but is always cheery; and not someone who is currently depressed. Someone who has been very depressed in the past and overcame it.

They would be able to tell you what may help you most. They would understand you and not give you useless (albeit well-meaning) advice.

And yeah, as Phoenixx said.... hugs. I miss physical contact with other human beings.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Well I'm not sure you should read what I'm going to write because it seems to be the opposite as everyone else wrote but... When I'm really depressed, all I want is everyone to back off and leave me alone. I don't answer the phone, I don't answer e-mails, and there is no way I am ever going to answer the door.

So I think someone who would wants to help me efficiently would have to do it against my will. This person would probably have to harass me until I open the door, bring me healthy food, force me to go outside and walk, give me vitamins and call me repeatively in the morning to force me to get out of my bed and open the curtains.

... Then I would probably be well started enough to remember that there is a way out of this and start working on my own recovery.

But maybe what your friend needs is a ear, a shoulder and some hugs. I don't know. Depends why he/she is depressed I guess.

 

[djkghigh]

get the person to speak of whatever is affecting them
exercising and listening to favorite music helps
engage in enjoyable activities with that person to take their mind off these things

 

[Bustn Justin]

When I am depressed I like to be alone and just rest.

When I am ready to talk about it I like my buddy to just talk to me and a hug too.

 

[divethruhaze]

ok, so i guess that I should try and pick up from what the person wants (either listen/hug/leave them alone) and make myself available to listen when it is needed.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

Conmpany, someone that shows interest about you but not in an intrusive way.

Make him know that you there for him/her but don't try to force him/her to open up about what's going on.

In time he/she will call for you.

 

[vj288]

I'd address the person about the cutting. Not in a "You're so dumb/don't do that" kind of way. Just sort of bring it up "Hey, what's up with your arm?" and go from there. If they're like me and make up an excuse and brush it off as if there's nothing wrong, leave it like that. Without knowing or understanding why, it's hard to help, but what I'd try to do is pay extra attention to them. Make them feel special, make sure they know they are important to you. That they matter, that you enjoy there presence. If you know the person is cutting they're not being overly secretive about, and is aware people may find out (I don't know, maybe they outwardly told you about it.) It's not necessary a cry for help, but they are not against people knowing.

I wouldn't go to get your friend help unless it starts to become dangerous, like you see deep cuts down the arm instead of across. Cutting isn't safe, but your friend would benefit more from you caring and paying attention to them than if they are shipped off to some mental hospital. The little things really matter, so even if you don't think something is helping, it is.

 

[Conspiracy]

Uh....Mine is usually caused by certain people in my life not giving me the attention I want. As in not being able to see them when I really want to. Guess I just need someone to cling on to >_> Too bad people like that are few.

And for your friend, just make it seem as you're being there for him. When people are depressed they'll either be alone and mop in self-pity, or feel like venting out their issues to someone who really cares.

 

[Conspiracy]

If he/she cuts him/her -self, then just say "Can I join in?" xD