Felgen
Well-known member
I haven't posted here in a while, and I'm pretty much cured of my social anxiety as we speak. Allthough I'm still shy and I still have a bit of struggles with the aftermath of social anxiety, at least it no longer controls my life.
The first step to a so-called cure in my case, was to first find the primary reason and work on it (in my case it was Asperger's syndrome) and then work on secondary reasons (bullying in school, learned helplessness and so on afterwards).
One thing that you should keep in mind, is that it's not too late just because you're no longer in your teens. Also, you won't all of a sudden discover that your SAD has magically been cured; most likely, you'll gradually recover—before you one day realize that you no longer have the disorder anymore.
I took a course on social skills. Norway is a welfare state, so this was covered by the health care system. If you enroll in a similar course in the US, make sure that the course is held by trained professionals, with an experience in a wide range of disorders. I also found guides on social skills on the internet, namely Succeed Socially, the article section of Wrong Planet and of course this site. Everyone with social anxiety can benefit from these hints, not just people with Asperger's syndrome. Don't buy any expensive self-help ebooks, as pretty much anything in them that's worth picking up can be found for free.
Second, working on my flaws helped a lot. While people with good social skills can get by without giving a damn about health and looks, the more socially awkward you are, the more people are going to judge you for minor flaws. While nobody expects you to be as well-spoken as Morgan Freeman or as handsome as Brad Pitt, working on your looks (getting in shape, mostly) will boost your self-esteem.
Third, I was also unhappy because I was going nowhere with my life. I took a chance and changed studies from economics to engineering. This isn't something that you should do unless you're unsuccessful at your present day situation, but I finally got good grades for the first time in mye life—and I felt like what I did really mattered. This was one of the biggest turn of events, and I'll be a qualified computer engineer in a few months.
Fourth, find a free time activity you can excell at. I took up weightlifting; this gave me a massive confidence boost, it made me more bold and assertive—and having 18.5" arms keeps those pesky salesman who try to push phone subscriptions onto you at distance. It doesn't have to be weight training, it could really be anything—whether it's music, mechanics, running or arts.
Fifth (and probably most difficult), forgive your enemies, but always work to be better at them. You don't have to be on speaking terms with them, but don't let them take any of your time. Realize that they were wrong, you are right and that you are better than them. I'll soon make more money than the boss who laid me of unfairly when I was young and naive (and I'm less than half his age), and I'm easily strong enough to overpower any middle school bully. Forgiving someone and outperforming them at the same time, is giving them the middle finger and turning the other cheek at the same time.
Lastly, let the past be the past. Everyone have regrets and everyone have made blunders. Johnny Cash put this better than anyone else could:
Shortly summarized, this is no step-by-step guide, but it worked for me. I hope other people here will eventually recover as well.
Everything after you've recovered won't be all sunshine and sparkles—you'll still face obstacles and you'll struggle with the aftermath for a couple of years. Having said that, recovering can give you a social life, the opportunity to get an education, better job prospects, romantic relationships and a normal life.
The first step to a so-called cure in my case, was to first find the primary reason and work on it (in my case it was Asperger's syndrome) and then work on secondary reasons (bullying in school, learned helplessness and so on afterwards).
One thing that you should keep in mind, is that it's not too late just because you're no longer in your teens. Also, you won't all of a sudden discover that your SAD has magically been cured; most likely, you'll gradually recover—before you one day realize that you no longer have the disorder anymore.
I took a course on social skills. Norway is a welfare state, so this was covered by the health care system. If you enroll in a similar course in the US, make sure that the course is held by trained professionals, with an experience in a wide range of disorders. I also found guides on social skills on the internet, namely Succeed Socially, the article section of Wrong Planet and of course this site. Everyone with social anxiety can benefit from these hints, not just people with Asperger's syndrome. Don't buy any expensive self-help ebooks, as pretty much anything in them that's worth picking up can be found for free.
Second, working on my flaws helped a lot. While people with good social skills can get by without giving a damn about health and looks, the more socially awkward you are, the more people are going to judge you for minor flaws. While nobody expects you to be as well-spoken as Morgan Freeman or as handsome as Brad Pitt, working on your looks (getting in shape, mostly) will boost your self-esteem.
Third, I was also unhappy because I was going nowhere with my life. I took a chance and changed studies from economics to engineering. This isn't something that you should do unless you're unsuccessful at your present day situation, but I finally got good grades for the first time in mye life—and I felt like what I did really mattered. This was one of the biggest turn of events, and I'll be a qualified computer engineer in a few months.
Fourth, find a free time activity you can excell at. I took up weightlifting; this gave me a massive confidence boost, it made me more bold and assertive—and having 18.5" arms keeps those pesky salesman who try to push phone subscriptions onto you at distance. It doesn't have to be weight training, it could really be anything—whether it's music, mechanics, running or arts.
Fifth (and probably most difficult), forgive your enemies, but always work to be better at them. You don't have to be on speaking terms with them, but don't let them take any of your time. Realize that they were wrong, you are right and that you are better than them. I'll soon make more money than the boss who laid me of unfairly when I was young and naive (and I'm less than half his age), and I'm easily strong enough to overpower any middle school bully. Forgiving someone and outperforming them at the same time, is giving them the middle finger and turning the other cheek at the same time.
Lastly, let the past be the past. Everyone have regrets and everyone have made blunders. Johnny Cash put this better than anyone else could:
Johnny Cash said:
Shortly summarized, this is no step-by-step guide, but it worked for me. I hope other people here will eventually recover as well.
Everything after you've recovered won't be all sunshine and sparkles—you'll still face obstacles and you'll struggle with the aftermath for a couple of years. Having said that, recovering can give you a social life, the opportunity to get an education, better job prospects, romantic relationships and a normal life.
