how do you respond to these kind of questions?

[TheNewZero]

How do you respond when your family or friends asks why you don't have a social life, never have had a boyfriend/girlfriend, or don't have any friends? My mom has been yelling at me for this ever since I moved back home and I don't know what to say. At first I just sort of laughed it off and made a joke, but now she's been asking me seriously and gets mad at me when I'm not serious. What am I supposed to say? That I'm a loser and don't know how to talk to people? She doesn't even know about my SA and thinks that I should be a 'normal' person. I can't even begin to tell her the truth, because the truth makes me feel like an idiot. Is there a...polite, sort of vague thing to say to these types of questions that doesn't make you come off as rude? Ugh I hate trying to be normal.

 

[Ubersonic]

"I'm working on it"

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I never know what to say either when people start asking me personal questions. If you're close to your mom, though, maybe you could just tell her the truth. Or write it down. But let her know what you've been going through & why things are the way they are with you. Maybe she'll understand things better then.

 

[enchantress24]

I tell them I'm a lesbian and I hate people.

 

[dpr]

I would say: "Life is not a race"

and maybe follow it up with: "Mind your own business" if they're really bugging you about it.

 

[afraidofyou]

The only one asking me about is is my 11 year old niece. I just shrug and say that I don't really want a boyfriend. And that's mostly true.

 

[Satine]

If someone's going to ask me such personal questions I make my displeasure known:

Why you don't have a social life,

"Because most people I know are twats, that's why."

never have had a boyfriend/girlfriend,

"Why, are you interested?" << really tends to annoy them, that one!

Or don't have any friends?

Ditto with: "most people I know are twats".

My mom has been yelling at me for this ever since I moved back home and I don't know what to say. At first I just sort of laughed it off and made a joke, but now she's been asking me seriously and gets mad at me when I'm not serious. What am I supposed to say?

Say the above. None of them are actually her business. If what she's driving at is, 'why do you still live at home?' then she needs to say so. I'd say that the answer to questions one and three are true enough even if they are 1/2 in jest. So if she tries to get you to answer them truthfully, repeat the answers. She'll get the message.

She doesn't even know about my SA and thinks that I should be a 'normal' person.

Ah, my other half's dad is like that. According to him there's no such thing as mental illness, depression, being upset or anything like that. As far as he's concerned, some people just start moping around for some reason. As far as I'm concerned, for as long as he insists on taking that view, he doesn't deserve a proper response.

I can't even begin to tell her the truth, because the truth makes me feel like an idiot. Is there a...polite, sort of vague thing to say to these types of questions that doesn't make you come off as rude? Ugh I hate trying to be normal.

Just be direct, mate. If someone's going to be that rude to you - including the 'rents - then be just as rude back. Don't try to be vague, be firm about it. If you don't feel comfortable around others, it's your right to feel that way. If you're annoyed that you're at a stage in life where you feel like that, it's your right to be annoyed about it.

Those are your feelings and they're valid. State them. And if she has a go at you for it, tell her I made you do it

 

[Joan6466]

Thanks for posing a tough situation- all the responses are good. All of us struggle with communication that require an assertive response--it's the toughest area in communicating. Since you've moved back home--which I suspect many will be doing in this tough economic environment--Mom is reverting to her old role - as Mother her job was to run quality control on how you developed-- tie your shoes, brush your hair, do your homework, etc.that was her job when you were growing up. Now you're an adult--but that doesn't prevent Mom from reverting to her old job, especially when you're back under the same roof.
You could say something like,"Mom, I'm not feeling very successful now-- and I'm struggling with being more social. What would help me the most is for you to cheer me on- to say "good for you for trying".
It does not mean that Mother is going to change her role over night--but you've planted the seed of thought, and you've gotten a little practice in this tough area of communicating. Nonshy people also struggle with assertiveness.
Best wishes to you!

 

[Emmmmy]

Mom, I'm not feeling very successful now-- and I'm struggling with being more social. What would help me the most is for you to cheer me on- to say "good for you for trying".

I like this response, that's what you should say ... but I probably couldn't help but be more rude though.
You say she's 'yelling' at you - I'm sorry she's not a bit more sensitive - at least everyone here understands.
My mum's lovely, bless her, but she's in complete denial about my SA and says things like 'why don't you send some christmas cards' when I say 'look, you know I haven't got any friends' she just says 'course you have'

It makes me feel shameful that she has to kid herself that her daughter has lots of friends. I feel like an embarassment.

 

[Lea]

Until now I used to say, I don´t know I am just like this. I am a solitary person. Now I´m going to say I am not OK in my head, I am a bit autistic and have asperger syndrome. I wonder what people´s reactions will be. Anyway I don´t take myself dead seriously, my mother says "don´t you say it anywhere", but I kind of take pleasure of making fool of myself .

 

[madmike]

Don't be afraid to explain your SP to them (maybe they really don't understand). Other people talk about their problems, so it's your right to do so as well. If after that your parents still don't understand or are willing to be more helpful/advising tell them to bugger off, seriously, don't allow them to make your life any harder!

 

[dpr]

"Why, are you interested?" << really tends to annoy them, that one!

That is a great response! And so true... why ARE they interested? Probably because their own lives are pretty boring.

Ah, my other half's dad is like that. According to him there's no such thing as mental illness, depression, being upset or anything like that. As far as he's concerned, some people just start moping around for some reason.

My dad used to think like that when my mom's mental issues first started, back when I was a kid. Now, because of the issues with her and me, he understands it better. He still doesn't understand fully I don't think... but I think that now he at least knows it is not "all in our heads," and we aren't faking it.