How do you make friends if you are shy?
- Thread starter Dodger
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Joan6466
Active member
It feels so difficult, doesn't it!
I used to teach classes in communication skills and shyness. Remember, when you have to push through fear to make the attempt, it just takes longer.
Start with where you have an intrinsic interest-- something that you're curious about or liked in the past. If you head out the door just to make friends, you probably won't go-- it's too hard.Saying to yourself, I've got to get out and make friends will rarely get you out the door. The problem with shyness is that it gets in the way of exploration, so sometimes we don't even know what we might enjoy, as we haven't had the opportunity to explore. Circle anything where you feel the stirring of curiosity-- look at Parks and Recreation classes, for example. When I move to a new area I almost always start with the library, an exercise class, a political cause I'm angry about. Memorize the body language of looking friendly- practice in front of a mirror, so you don't intimidate people. Always know ahead of time how to do a departure-- if you know you won't get trapped you're more likely to try. No matter what happens you always praise yourself for attempting- for ex. I got there-- I stayed 10 minutes- I got out of the car- I said "hi" to one person. It's honoring the attempt, because in the beginning the punishment is higher than the reward. Don't give up!
I used to teach classes in communication skills and shyness. Remember, when you have to push through fear to make the attempt, it just takes longer.
Start with where you have an intrinsic interest-- something that you're curious about or liked in the past. If you head out the door just to make friends, you probably won't go-- it's too hard.Saying to yourself, I've got to get out and make friends will rarely get you out the door. The problem with shyness is that it gets in the way of exploration, so sometimes we don't even know what we might enjoy, as we haven't had the opportunity to explore. Circle anything where you feel the stirring of curiosity-- look at Parks and Recreation classes, for example. When I move to a new area I almost always start with the library, an exercise class, a political cause I'm angry about. Memorize the body language of looking friendly- practice in front of a mirror, so you don't intimidate people. Always know ahead of time how to do a departure-- if you know you won't get trapped you're more likely to try. No matter what happens you always praise yourself for attempting- for ex. I got there-- I stayed 10 minutes- I got out of the car- I said "hi" to one person. It's honoring the attempt, because in the beginning the punishment is higher than the reward. Don't give up!
Errordotocx
Well-known member
Yeah and i'm a rather shy guy and I still do make friends. I'm just not the quickest.
hey. I had the same problem ..it's better now I picked up this technique from this guy on this site. How To Never Be Nervous Around Girls Again-Learn How To Stop Shyness On Dates actually works if you are getting nervous or shy.I don't know if this helps.
gsmax5
Well-known member
Danfalc
Banned
ive always struggled to make friends,i get very lonley...but in a way sometimes i prefer being alone just because of how anxious it makes me being around people,or how it reminds me i dont fit in.
Put some people will give you a chance,I had one best friend...hes just been sent to prison tho which sucks :
: and he just accepted me totaly.It didnt happen over night and i had to force myself through alot of anxiety.But he seem to pick up i didnt like eye contact...so he didnt try to maintain it with me.If i wasnt being talkative he didnt try and force conversation out of me,but there was no akward silences.
Anyway im ranting..it is tough,but there are people out there who will accept us for who we are.
Put some people will give you a chance,I had one best friend...hes just been sent to prison tho which sucks :
: and he just accepted me totaly.It didnt happen over night and i had to force myself through alot of anxiety.But he seem to pick up i didnt like eye contact...so he didnt try to maintain it with me.If i wasnt being talkative he didnt try and force conversation out of me,but there was no akward silences.Anyway im ranting..it is tough,but there are people out there who will accept us for who we are.
Friends blah
Yup! You Don't. And if there is a way, I have got no fυcking idea how. It has nothing to do with avoiding either, it's just the way it is I guess.
Yup! You Don't. And if there is a way, I have got no fυcking idea how. It has nothing to do with avoiding either, it's just the way it is I guess.
Rise Against
Well-known member
Initiate conversations on facebook or myspace. Then once you get to know them a little its easyer to talk face to face.
Billy Nasty
Banned
I duno. when iam in contact with strangers and have a bit of a small talk it leads most of the time to nothing. sometimes i do meet people who i click with from the start and loose all my inhibitions in an instant. I think iam a complicated person and just like certain types of people.
Last edited:
Reiji Moritsugu
Well-known member
Re: Friends blah
This.
At least until we find the way, assuming there is one in the first place.
This.
At least until we find the way, assuming there is one in the first place.
BlueTeaTree
Member
I don't even try to, and I have many (at least for someone like..me/us?) freinds. Honest.
My now-best-friend approached me, and we talked about soemthing I didn't even remmeber, and we became friends. With the others, we simply are around each other. Like, say, K (shortened, I'm so clever). I met him by just being near him at lunch and in class. Eventually, we talked, and then (I forgot to stress this) AFTER A VERY LONG LONG LONG PERIOD OF SLOW, GLACIALLY SLOW, LIKE THE MOVING OF THE UNIVERSE FROM THE EPICENTER OF THE BIG BANG SLOW, we became friends.
So...I suggest being you, they shy you, anything, not that "Be yourself, and by that I mean be more social, dammit" stuff. It takes freaking forever, but it works.
My now-best-friend approached me, and we talked about soemthing I didn't even remmeber, and we became friends. With the others, we simply are around each other. Like, say, K (shortened, I'm so clever). I met him by just being near him at lunch and in class. Eventually, we talked, and then (I forgot to stress this) AFTER A VERY LONG LONG LONG PERIOD OF SLOW, GLACIALLY SLOW, LIKE THE MOVING OF THE UNIVERSE FROM THE EPICENTER OF THE BIG BANG SLOW, we became friends.
So...I suggest being you, they shy you, anything, not that "Be yourself, and by that I mean be more social, dammit" stuff. It takes freaking forever, but it works.
CK23
Well-known member
In my experience you just reach out as best as you can... it wont be easy but trying 'WILL' eventually make it easier... so next time, you step out into the world, try and make social contact.. say 'hi' to the people you meet... find out what they like to do... like 'How's it goin today Mike, or how was your weekend Tom'... that creates opprotunity for interaction... though, be prepared to be let down... most people are snobbish and plain rude... they would make you want to walk away by their negative attitude and if they do this the only option for you is to look somewhere else!
How to make friends if your shy?
You talk to people..
What if you fear talking to people?
You become confident..
How do you become confident?
You fake it until you make it!
It's really easy once you get going.. Begin to look people in the eyes and give them a friendly smile. Start with giving 3 people you don't know a friendly smile and feel the sun inside you to begin shining =)
You talk to people..
What if you fear talking to people?
You become confident..
How do you become confident?
You fake it until you make it!
It's really easy once you get going.. Begin to look people in the eyes and give them a friendly smile. Start with giving 3 people you don't know a friendly smile and feel the sun inside you to begin shining =)