How do you listen?

[Toomuchfear]

I can't listen.

Not because I'm rude. But because anxiety is blocking my ears.

With my anxiety and fear bubbling away inside my head, I find it next to impossible to listen to someone. The more people around the worse it gets. My subconscious mind will be busy worrying that 'I'm not cool' 'I look weird' 'People hate me' 'what to say next'and this will completely distract me from the conversation, and I will have little recollection of what the conversation was about.

Does anyone know any successful methods on how to really listen to someone?

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Physically you MUST be relaxed. Mind/body connected. Seems like chicken or egg which calm first? I try start physical... but cant always do this in the moment. Hard to clear head in moment of a convo... gotta try force those thoughts aside; but... it's hard. Gotta be aware of your thoughts and stop each one. This wont help you listen better initially. But you need to activly challenge those thoughts in the moment.

Idk I just woke up my thoughts are like chicken farts atm, so this convo stuff what I struggle with too usually =D

 

[Toomuchfear]

My eye contact is fine, although sometimes I stare a bit too much as I'm not really listening.

I will try and shoot down each distracting thought. It often feels like having 2 conversations at one, with your mind and one with the other person.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

BEcause you are. But... this wont magically go away or one thing to do to change it all. It'll take time and effort. This is what CBT and things try to change, that mental process.

 

[Sial Axetder]

yeah, mental process once deeply rooted is hard to undo. So very hard. But doable.

 

[bigcat1967]

I know I keep going back to this - but you have to turn those negative thoughts into positive. Don't allow a negative thought into your mind. Remember, YOU DO CONTROL your thoughts.

Good luck with this.

 

[Toomuchfear]

How would I go about doing CBT, can it be self-taught or? I can fuel my mind with good positive thoughts but it is tricky for these thoughts to become ingrained. I've been fearful since a wee child, and these negative thoughts are so natural that I don't realise they're taking place . I would love to unroot these processes once and for all and be the man I want to be

 

[Kiwong]

I find it very hard also, I'm concentrating on my fearful thoughts, not what people are saying. The only the way to do it is with practice, the more people you speak to the better you get.

 

[Sial Axetder]

I find it very hard also, I'm concentrating on my fearful thoughts, not what people are saying. The only the way to do it is with practice, the more people you speak to the better you get.

yep. true. I was forced into it with work. yeah, true it is.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

How would I go about doing CBT, can it be self-taught or? I can fuel my mind with good positive thoughts but it is tricky for these thoughts to become ingrained. I've been fearful since a wee child, and these negative thoughts are so natural that I don't realise they're taking place . I would love to unroot these processes once and for all and be the man I want to be

It CAN be self-taught; but self practiced... I just find it difficult to apply it MYSELF, for I am also my own worst enemy. I think best is with help, someone tho who KNOWS and specializes in CBT and SA. I

 

[Pacific_Loner]

You probably heard that before but you really need to stop focusing on yourself and focus on the person talking to you. That's what it is about after all. How can you listen to them if you are listening to yourself?