How do you enjoy forced socializing?

[tooshytosay]

If I could have things my way, I would just stay home all day and have online contact with just the select few people that I know. Most people would think that's terribly boring and "anti-social", but to me, that's the most comfortable and enjoyable thing that I could be doing.

Unfortunately, the realities of life isn't like that and at the moment I'm training in a profession where there will be "forced" socializing with my colleagues for the rest of my life. It's already beginning - I've been invited to "social lunches", "social bowling", "social dinners" etc. (all of which I've managed to avoid with excuses so far... but that won't last); not to mention having to participate in innumerable "social coffee breaks". Ugggghhhh!!

The thing is, I really, really do enjoy "socializing" with people who understand me and "click" with me. But such people are so rare.

Most of the time, it's "forced socializing" for me. Basically, where 10 people are thrown into a room and given one instruction - "socialize". To me, that is like the worst nightmare ever, yet I have to experience it almost everyday now =(.

How do you enjoy forced socializing?

 

[Beatmetrics]

I'm a more tucked away at home kinda person too but to socialize just for the sake of socializing it sucks at first and I'm not going to lie it's never really going to feel completely comfortable but your going to have to try and balance it some how. Except it in some way as a part of life...but do what works for you to make yourself feel comfortable too...

 

[NihilSlayer]

If I could have things my way, I would just stay home all day and have online contact with just the select few people that I know. Most people would think that's terribly boring and "anti-social", but to me, that's the most comfortable and enjoyable thing that I could be doing.

Unfortunately, the realities of life isn't like that and at the moment I'm training in a profession where there will be "forced" socializing with my colleagues for the rest of my life. It's already beginning - I've been invited to "social lunches", "social bowling", "social dinners" etc. (all of which I've managed to avoid with excuses so far... but that won't last); not to mention having to participate in innumerable "social coffee breaks". Ugggghhhh!!

The thing is, I really, really do enjoy "socializing" with people who understand me and "click" with me. But such people are so rare.

Most of the time, it's "forced socializing" for me. Basically, where 10 people are thrown into a room and given one instruction - "socialize". To me, that is like the worst nightmare ever, yet I have to experience it almost everyday now =(.

How do you enjoy forced socializing?

Why are you training in a profession that demands you do so much socializing? Just felt like a challenge or something? Why not train to do something that is a bit more low-key maybe?-- Gravedigger, mortician, actuary... Jobs that don't require that a fellow polishes and waxes his social stick before having to go to work. That'd drive me utterly mad if I had forced bouts of socializing that often. However, maybe you will learn to adapt to this new environment. My mother's whole demeanor changes when she engages in business communication: her laugh becomes hollow, her voice seems saccharine sweet, and after concluding say, a phone call, she drops the receiver down as if extricating herself from a dead, rotting rodent. She's good at it too... Maybe you could develop such skills. Seems a bit masochistic to me though to be perfectly honest... IS it too late to change careers? I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but it just seems like unnecessary suffering.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

that sounds like an interesting profession just allow a day to yourself if you can, like turn off all electronics and read a book or something.. i do this twice a week

 

[Minty]

I'm starting to think that some of us are just on the far end of introversion and we'll never enjoy socialization the way most people do. All we can do, really, is learn coping mechanisms and spend our free time alone to recharge.

If we were the majority, people who are extremely dependent on socialization for their happiness would be put in solitary, "trained" to enjoy silence. That's just not how it works. Anxiety is one thing. Enjoying alone time is another. And no one should have to change because they fall into the latter category. In fact, studies tell us they *can't*.

 

[NihilSlayer]

I've been thinking more about the people who are "good" at business that I know-- most notably my mother. She loves maneuvering socially and using language in creative ways to leave a certain impression or get what information she needs so as to do her job efficiently. I'm sure no one else perceives her "business persona" as I do because they don't know her as I do. But it is like flipping a switch: the whole level and mode of discourse changes to something very ungenuine. She feigns interest in the developments in clients' lives, suffers through tedious conversations about "little Suzie's ballet recital", and laughs a chimey, tinkling laugh whenever told some lame joke. When she does this in my presence I comment on it also: "That was so awesomely fake, mother. People actually fall for that?!" Mother: " Oh be quiet, of course they do". An important thing to note, I think, is that all the people telling these stories might not really care either: they are merely following the unwritten social bylaws of business while using a bit of social lubricant to get what they need (of course while being ethical). Maybe create a whole new persona for yourself... Create a business character and learn his psychology. With practice you could morph into "business man" every weekday for 8 hours, and then go home and resume your normal life. The thing is, this is like the ultimate challenge for a Socially phobic person. You are scaling our Everest. I'm in awe at such an undertaking, but good luck! Bundleup, it can be very cold in those social altitudes!

 

[Bittersweet]

I've been thinking more about the people who are "good" at business that I know-- most notably my mother. She loves maneuvering socially and using language in creative ways to leave a certain impression or get what information she needs so as to do her job efficiently. I'm sure no one else perceives her "business persona" as I do because they don't know her as I do. But it is like flipping a switch: the whole level and mode of discourse changes to something very ungenuine. She feins interest in the developments in clients' lives, suffers through tedious conversations about "little Suzie's ballet recital", and laughs a chimey, tinkling laugh whenever told some lame joke. When she does this in my presence I comment on it also: "That was so awesomely fake, mother. People actually fall for that?!" Mother: " Oh be quiet, of course they do". An important thing to note, I think, is that all the people telling these stories might not really care either: they are merely following the unwritten social bylaws of business while using a bit of social lubricant to get what they need (of course while being ethical). Maybe create a whole new persona for yourself... Create a business character and learn his psychology. With practice you could morph into "business man" every weekday for 8 hours, and then go home and resume your normal life. The thing is, this is like the ultimate challenge for a Socially phobic person. You are scaling our Everest. I'm in awe at such an undertaking, but good luck! Bundleup, it can be very cold in those social altitudes!

How interesting. I thought my mother was the only one who did this. You're absolutely right, it's like flipping a switch.

I've spent years resenting such behavior, but I've tried it in necessary daily social interactions with sales people, cashiers, waiters and waitresses etc and it absolutely works. You get a much better response ( not to mention service).

I don't do this with real friends though.

It seems fake to people like us, but it's actually self preservation. You have to put your game face on when you're in public, or people will walk all over you.

 

[NihilSlayer]

How interesting. I thought my mother was the only one who did this. You're absolutely right, it's like flipping a switch.

I've spent years resenting such behavior, but I've tried it in necessary daily social interactions with sales people, cashiers, waiters and waitresses etc and it absolutely works. You get a much better response ( not to mention service).

I don't do this with real friends though.

It seems fake to people like us, but it's actually self preservation. You have to put your game face on when you're in public, or people will walk all over you.

Exactly! I always found the whole facade incredibly contemptible, but it is self-preservation, and people learn to adapt and excel at it. I tried my hand in this realm with disasterous results. I guess you could say I was running away from reality as fast as I could, and during a layover back home my parents forced me to get a job; I searched in vain for a job that would meet my specific needs, but to no avail... All I could get was: telemarketing. So... With a grimace and an intense feeling of nausea I tucked in my shirt (always made me uncomfortable doing this cause it gives me the feeling everyone is looking at my bum... wretchedness), and did and interview and got the job. I had to call people on a long list for hours and hours a day, and was a purely commisioned job, but it kept my parents off of my back... I lasted 3 days before having a panic attack mid-shift, telling the boss "sorry, but I quit!!", and driving home in a frantic haze... Of all the things to endure... sigh.

 

[Kiwong]

I don't do it. I just say no to the invites, socialising with people you don't want to isn't compulsory. I usually have other more interesting activities to be involved in.

 

[BornThisWay]

I hate it! In class I almost never worked in groups. I would be absent or try my best to get out of it. It was so terribly uncomfortable for me. I would sit there and just felt so prejudged for being quiet.

 

[NihilSlayer]

I'm sorry you went through such stress! Have you been able to find another job more suited for you?

I also tried a job in telemarketing and quit before training was over ( are we living the same life?) , for the same reasons you posted.

I found a job in an art studio, run by two ex-hippies who kept the music and laid back attitude going. It was fantastic, but it only lasted a few months.

I'm currently not working because I'm unable to find a job that doesn't require fast paced, endless interaction with people on a superficial level.

I have to work-- no choice. I found a job working in a kitchen chopping vegtables all day. I really don't like my job, but the people accomodate me by leaving me utterly alone. I just do my work and socialize with no one during the course of my day more or less, and this suits me, and they seem to not care-- which works. One thing I don't like about my present job (besides the horrid pay), is the fact that that there is no peace in a restaurant. Everything is chaotic always. I have too much chaos within to have to deal with outer chaos methinks... But yes, a telemarketing job for a person with social anxiety is really a kind of sadistic torture I'm glad to be done with. In addition to working, i'm finally just now going back to school. I quit in my freshman year of Uni because I had to give a presentation and completely lost my mind. I don't even remember the presentation honestly-- just snippets, but i'm told that I swore repeatedly upon trying to find words to express myself, blushed and overall made a fool of myself, so I left. So have you ever spontaneously dropped F bombs in a classroom environment when trying to do a presentation? If so, we may very well be living the same, absurd life!

 

[Bittersweet]

Your job sounds very trying, but it sounds promising that you've been able to return to school.

I also quit my freshman year, due to depression and anxiety. I plan to return when I can.

No, I've never sworn during a presentation, but one time I spontaneously darted out of the class room because I felt like I was about to have a panic attack.

The teacher sent a few students out looking for me. It was embarrassing.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Yeah I don't leave my house...
I really, really need to get some courage and honestly I need to face my fears but somehow I end up just right back at home. I seem to live in a fantasy world and anything else just won't do. Reality sucks.

 

[NihilSlayer]

Your job sounds very trying, but it sounds promising that you've been able to return to school.

I also quit my freshman year, due to depression and anxiety. I plan to return when I can.

No, I've never sworn during a presentation, but one time I spontaneously darted out of the class room because I felt like I was about to have a panic attack.

The teacher sent a few students out looking for me. It was embarrassing.

After I quit school I ended up going on some crazy jaunt far away from my home in hopes to start a "new beginning" or something (failed ideal borne of desperation and other things)... After varies jaunts to and fro, and finding myself in the most intensely ridiculous situations which really made my anxiety reach such a fevered pitch that I was starting to be seriously paranoid, and distorting reality in the most frightening ways; I came back home with my tail between my legs, and ultimately just decided "to quit" -- to resign from it all. I wasn't even depressed or emotional, just fed up and pissed off at my constant lack of success in my environment: it was exasperating. My thought process was akin to: "I done, I wash my hands of the world... I'm just going to sit here and wait to rot. I sat... and sat... and sat... Rotting really takes a long time!!! My sense of self-preservation forbade me to go on that way. In the end what drove me to action was just pure, unadulterated anger and rage. Channeled appropriately, anger/rage and pride represent my salvation from the morass of apathy and weakness. That and the realization that has slowly been coming to me that it is all so gloriously absurd!!! All of it has no value outside of what we attribute to it. I just need to learn to make my own attributions. And in these moments of realization it is all I can do to keep from crying with laughter. Maybe I truly am cracking up, but I think I will make my way out, eventually. Even as the idea posed in the very first post of this thread fills me with terror, one day-- through my focus on self-overcoming and attributions-- I'll be able to chuckle pleasantly at all such mundanities... and when boredom sets in i'll just walk away and find something more meaningful... This is my plan, anyway. Everyone has to try to find something that works for them. But you really might as well fight. In some 60 years or so I'll be dead, and it will all be as if it had never happened... I would rather charge into battle with a sword held high, exacting a bit of my will on the world and shaping it into beauty as I see it rather than sitting back and just watching the bloodbath from the sidelines. Even if by the end of it I have cursed in 100 classes in a state of extreme anxiety, there is always a chance that next time I'll do it with full knowledge of what I say!: this is the absurdity I love in it! Why not?! Why not just say.. "This is my f*** presentation and it's going to blow all of your f*** minds!... So sit back my darlings and soak it in". Life isn't so bad sometimes.

 

[Apotheosis]

I don't. Especially if someone is trying to order me to do it.

Can't help you, sorry :x

 

[NihilSlayer]

Also, I am well aware of the contradiction in my posts from the beginning of this thread through the end. Who can keep one state of mind always though-- i'm mercurial. You pick your battles. Most people have their over-arching approach to recovery, and they have their more (in the moment) approach to a stimulus... One of the strongest weapons we can use in any given situation is our own preference. I don't like interacting with people in groups: that will never change. I don't expect to ever like dealing with people in groups, but I do wish to change the way groups negatively affect me from realizing my full potential and muting my will. We seek to engage in the greater society to the extent our ambitions and desires drive us... So we need to dicern our preferences that sometimes hide under the cloak of anxiety. I think...

 

[Sprunk]

I have things that come up every now and then where i am forced to socialize,(mainly family events).And i always feel really guilty if i don't go,though when i do go i end up in this situation where nobody talks to me and i wonder why i bothered in the first place.

 

[Honda]

I fear looking weird and awkward... It turns people off when they see that you lack social skills.. It kind of puzzles them and drives them away... Nobody gives you a chance and i dont understand why... I mean all people are the same, they feel the same emotions, fears, weaknesses... They know it even if the fact is that its varies in degrees from person to person... In reality, without all those society barriers life would be straight forward..

 

[Beatmetrics]

No one can hide from this all their life though...sometimes you just have to .If you don't think of all the different experiences you'd miss out on. There are so many bigger things than us happening out in the world we are just going to stay here and hide ourselves. If we don't educate ourselves on how to at least cope with what we have (cause we are so worried about being true to ourselves) we'd be the one reason the world didn't improve. Ideas missed...so on and so forth.

Keep a good heart but learn to just deal with it.

 

[carecrab]

forced socialization is the chance for you to be yourself around people