How do you deal with rejection?

[cloudbound]

At the moment, I have 2 (male) friends and my boyfriend. We all hang around together, we go camping and stuff like that. My boyfriends brother knows my other 2 friends aswell (but he doesn't ever come out with us or anything), and he has suggested that they all go camping together. He has specified that it be "just the boys". Neither him or us hang out with any other girls, so that just excludes me then.

When it was first decided, my boyfriend thought it might upset me so decided not to tell me just yet (thnx), but my friend got there before he did. He started talking about going camping and since we had another camping trip planned I thought that's what he was talking about, and joined in. He corrected me "I meant a different time, we're going with *my boyfriend's brother*" I just went along with him, but I didn't know if he meant I weren't welcome or what so when I asked my bf he said yep it was gonna be "just the boys". But anyway, I got over that humiliation then yesterday the same friend was telling me where they're planning to camp so I showed interest, and then he just glared at my bf in a confused way as if to say "does she know she's not coming?".

I feel so stupid writing all this down, it sounds so pathetic that I don't even want to post this but I was hoping for some ideas on the best way to deal with it, because at the moment I am so embarrassed that I am not invited such an obvious way, and I feel like they aren't as good friends as I thought they were.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I grew up hanging out with boys and there are certain things they'd leave me out of as well. I never took it personally though.
The fact is-- you are a girl.
Guys like to do stupid things when they're all together. They like to get drunk and talk about things without feeling like they have to censor themselves for the sake of the girl in the group (even if you normally don't mind or take offense)

An all guys weekend is fine.
They're not excluding you because you're not good enough to come along- there are just some obvious differences that could've caused awkward moments such as; having to use the washroom in the bush, having to change, having to hold back on rowdy behavior, etc.

Having friends doesn't mean that you have to spend time with them all the time.
You will get left out sometimes for different reasons but it by no means makes you any less of a friend than everyone else in the group.
Sometimes people just need time apart.
So, you should take the opportunity to do things with other friends- or with family; relax and get a bit of peace and quiet.
You could always plan another camping trip all together for another time if you really want to go.

And don't feel stupid for writing your post.
I feel like it's really normal to feel rejected when you're left out- but the truth is that you will get left out and rejected in life sometimes. Don't take it personally.

 

[Kiwong]

Not very well.

 

[Jetra]

It used to hurt me badly. I'd apply myself for jobs and it wasn't too bad. They were kind enough to at least be easy about it. But then there were a couple that I'd rather not mention. I felt like crud (Trying to stop swearing, thanks to my brother) for weeks before I could get the courage to try again. It gets better, trust me.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

As a guy, I agree with WierdyMcGee, guys act a certain way around women, everyone knows it, Im sure women act a certain way around guys.
Its not them saying they dont want you around or anything, but they may hold back saying or doing certain things and having a little, I hesitate to say freedom, but it does wonders.

 

[coyote]

At the moment, I have 2 (male) friends and my boyfriend. We all hang around together, we go camping and stuff like that. My boyfriends brother knows my other 2 friends aswell (but he doesn't ever come out with us or anything), and he has suggested that they all go camping together. He has specified that it be "just the boys". Neither him or us hang out with any other girls, so that just excludes me then.

When it was first decided, my boyfriend thought it might upset me so decided not to tell me just yet (thnx), but my friend got there before he did. He started talking about going camping and since we had another camping trip planned I thought that's what he was talking about, and joined in. He corrected me "I meant a different time, we're going with *my boyfriend's brother*" I just went along with him, but I didn't know if he meant I weren't welcome or what so when I asked my bf he said yep it was gonna be "just the boys". But anyway, I got over that humiliation then yesterday the same friend was telling me where they're planning to camp so I showed interest, and then he just glared at my bf in a confused way as if to say "does she know she's not coming?".

I feel so stupid writing all this down, it sounds so pathetic that I don't even want to post this but I was hoping for some ideas on the best way to deal with it, because at the moment I am so embarrassed that I am not invited such an obvious way, and I feel like they aren't as good friends as I thought they were.

your friend with the glare

didn't have to act that way

perhaps he doesn't realize

that all he had to do was communicate in an open manner, and simply explain what was going on, instead of making you feel bad

you don't need to take on HIS inability to communicate as a failing on YOUR part

 

[TheSanctuarian]

I am in a similar position as I am usually the only guy in a group of girls. which to some would be arguably worse as girls are a little more......girly. which sounds obvious, but is usually necessary. when they ever have sleepovers or anything else like that I'm always kicked to the curb because I'm the black sheep, it doesn't bother me, I'm used to it. (its usually because of their Dads being overprotective. What do they seriously think will happen?!) anyway, sorry for the tangent but my point is; as the odd one out (especially in a gender situation) you can't feel "rejected" because you unknowingly signed up for it. but just remember that these occasions are few, if they are your friends then they will always be there for you.

 

[nothingtofear]

I totally agree with Wierdy, it's a normal guy thing and you should just let them have their fun and not take it personally. It's nothing against you, it's just that it's a different experience without any women around period. The guy who blurted out "she knows she's not coming right?" was either knowingly being disrespectful/insensitive or he just lacks the social skills and common sense to realize how it could make someone feel to hear that.

I know they're technically rejecting your being there with them on the camping trip but that doesn't mean that they're rejecting you as a person. I think all of us on this forum know what it's like to not want to be around certain people in certain situations simply out of preference for our own sake and not because there's anything wrong with the people we choose not to be around whenever that may be the case. Just like you probably like your own space, to be by yourself, you like to be around one or more specific people without any others in some situations too. This is them doing what they want. If your bf wanted to be alone with you, none of his friends would feel rejected... some might feel jealous, but they wouldn't take it personally. Likewise, sometimes you just gotta let guys be guys.