How do I solve the root of my problem?

froghat

froghat

Well-known member
I'm pretty miserable right now cause I've never had a girlfriend in my life and my life is pretty much meaningless. I have no social life. Not because I'm afraid to talk to people, but because I never feel natural around people. I never know what to say to people and more importantly I'm a very nervous person and cannot for the life of me make eye contact with people without it feeling unnatural. My social skills = akward. So, how do I solve this problem? I try to overcome them, but at the end of the day I still feel awkward and it just depresses me and I have no confidence to talk with people. Just the other day I tried talking to this girl who works at one of the stores I deliver to and it was so awkward. I'm good looking enough to get a girlfriend, but my social skills are just killing me. My confidence is shot and the older I get the more I hate dealing with this BS. I've been to therapy, been on meds, tried forcing myself to make eye contact, but it just seems like a big waste of time. Nothing helps. I feel like all the social skills people take for granted feel so diffcult for me to handle.

So, what is my next step? I can talk to a billion girls, but if I can't improve my social skills which are neccesery to connect with people, it seems hopeless. My last therapist did CBT with me, but it went nowhere. Are there any places that help you improve social skills? lol Cause I need it or I will be a lonely old man who dies without any happiness.
 
froghat

froghat

Well-known member
About a year. Pretty much every issue you can think of. The only one my therapist didn't do was eye contact cause he didn't really understand my problem. Plus, I did CBT in high school when I first had anxiety. Maybe my therapist just stinks. Dunno, either way, I still have the same problems. Can't connect with people
 
Rheves

Rheves

Well-known member
****in eye contact? right? Its so weird. Sorry I'm no help. That one just really gets me sometimes.
 
Satine

Satine

Well-known member
When did all of this start for you? Have you always felt estranged from other people, or is it because of an event in your past that made you back away from others?
 
P

PeterDavies

Member
Hi Froghat,

Seems like you are in a tough place at the moment. I would like to suggest something:

What are your interests? What I mean is if you like doing something in your spare time why not try and join a local group in your area/city/town. This would be a good way to meet like-minded people in your area. You will immediately be able to break the ice because you have something in common.

Give a shot and see how you go!
 
froghat

froghat

Well-known member
Sataine, I've been quiet all my life, but it seems the older I get the more awkward I get around people. Back in school I could sit in the back of class, not talk, but feel at ease. Now, I walk around in a store and I feel so awkward and self attached from people. Not a good feeling!

Peter, I would do something like that if I felt it could go somehwere, but I feel like I have to solve my problems before I can actually connect with people. Like, these problems I have are so deep, I have them with my parents and sisters. I can't have a conversation with someone without feeling weird over eye contact. I look away and therefor I never can truely connect with someone. It's hard to explain, but it's like I forgot how to just be natural and relax.
 
no1

no1

Banned
yea you know I feel the same way soemtimes.

where can you find groups one can be in? you talknig about a social circle or something?
 
BlackKids

BlackKids

Well-known member
I know how you feel man. You see couples together and sometimes the guys a prick. It doesn't seem to make sense as they seem to find it so easy. If I had a GF id F**king worship her. Not to be big headed (im far from it) but I'm not too bad looking, kind, selfless , well mannered . It shouldn't be that hard.
I think its how you project yourself. Nobody is going to respect you if you don't respect yourself right. As for social activities I reckon the more the better. I'm going to start playing tennis or whatever can get me out. One thing is for sure, I haven't met a women hanging out at my house for the last few years so I should try somewhere else.
 
J

jordybb

Member
Well there is only one thing i can suggest yyou , make good friends like similer to your interest and hang out with them .... just do not think about it ...
 
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