How can I stop people drifting off when I speak?

[Hero]

Hi hope everyone is having a nice evening.

I'm really annoyed. I find conversation very difficult. People always look bored when I speak to them, including friends. I run out of things to say and I get these awkward silences (ahhh i hate them, I'm sure you do too?). I find people are always looking like they want to get away from me, when simply, I just want to be friends with them!
I was talking to this nice Polish girl in the supermarket. I was feeling very confident so I started a conversation with her! I asked about her job, what her plans in life were etc, things were going well. Then she began to drift off and look at the products on the shelf instead. We began to walk around the store, and then she said 'you ask too many questions." I felt she was no longer interested in me, and I didnt want to feel like a stalker, so I made a quick exit
Another example was when I was explaining my SA to a friend, and she suddenly started talking to someone else midway throught what I was saying. I didn't have the heart to say 'I haven't finished speaking.'

This happens to about 95% of people I meet. They just drift away, and their attention snaps onto something else, whether it be a fly buzzing around or a car going past. I don't like it, I feel like I'm talking to brick wall. I feel I want to give up and just become a lonely troll and live in a tower somewhere

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Ahh... don't really know what to say.
There really isn't a surefire way to get people to listen to you short of waving your arms infront of their faces and telling them to let you finish talking, I suppose...

I've just gotten used to being ignored much of the time.
It doesn't mean you should stop trying to have conversations though.
Some people just won't be interested in listening- some people have ADHD- and a few people will actually listen. That's just the way it goes.

Please try not to get discouraged.
All can say is-- if you give up, you'll be alone and really unable to talk with people. It's probably better to keep practicing and find a few people who really do like listening to what you have to say. <There are those people out there. They're just fewer than the people who don't really care to listen (who are not worth your time anyway).

 

[kihira]

Maybe your conversations are too long. A long conversation should be at the right place and time (not the supermarket). Try keeping them short and sharp with an obvious ending and see how it goes. People dont like to feel trapped in conversations

 

[N0D]

also what's wrong with silences? at least with like people you are close with sometimes it's nice to take a bit of break and then get back into it.

 

[IGotSeoul]

I'm not sure the reliability behind it, but I've found this interesting.

The Art of Conversation

developing conversational skills won't come entirely from reading. it derives from having confidence in yourself, steady exposure/practice, and a genuine interest in wanting to have a conversation with the person you're speaking to.

also take mind, as the above post stated; conversations take two, it must share mutual elements.

 

[upndwn]

I'm not sure the reliability behind it, but I've found this interesting.

The Art of Conversation

developing conversational skills won't come entirely from reading. it derives from having confidence in yourself, steady exposure/practice, and a genuine interest in wanting to have a conversation with the person you're speaking to.

also take mind, as the above post stated; conversations take two, it must share mutual elements.

Interestingly, most popular people I know fail at, at least two of the points posted in your link at average.

 

[Illusions]

Interestingly, most popular people I know fail at, at least two of the points posted in your link at average.

Same applies to some of the more outspoken people I know.


I share your frustration, OP, it's very exasperating. I haven't mastered the art of small talk and maintaining conversation either, and find myself at a loss of what to do a lot of the time. *sighs* Though I'd say exposure and practice are key.

 

[Minty]

It's like a dance. You can lead but the other person has to follow, otherwise you're just dragging them along and no one likes that. Take a step and wait for them to follow. In other words, introduce a conversation topic and pause to let them take it where they want it to go. They'll pause and let you take it where you want to go. Eventually, you find common ground and a special connection forms.

If you're just going to talk at someone, what's the point? A conversation is meant to be shared. That's what makes it special.

 

[fitftw]

Hero, give us a play-by-play on what you talk about when people start to want to get away from you.

You probably just aren't putting yourself in their shoes. This is why I don't talk much at all.