Hello,
I'm hoping to get some advice from other parents that have dealt with their child being bullied, or other kids that have experienced bullying and received some sort of resolution.
My son is 6th grader at a Middle School that apparently has a bad problem with bullying. In fact, the ISD itself has had a problem with bullying and has received national attention due to a suicide that took place a number of years ago.
I know Middle School is rough. I know some kids are as cruel as cruel can be at this age, but that cannot be acceptable. I feel like our school treats bullying as a harmless, almost inevitable part of growing up. But it's not normal and the effects from bullying have such a psychological, negative impact.
I know also that bullying has been going on since the dawn of time. However, I feel like the culture of bullying has gotten far worse in these times.
Getting my son to talk to me or my wife about being bullying is like pulling teeth. He'd rather keep it inside and deal with the bullying rather than deal with the fallout/retaliation as a result of bringing these situations to the attention of the school (basically giving them names and describing the horrible things that are said and done on a daily basis). The saying at his school is "snitches get stitches".
My son is slightly overweight but not fat in any way. He is very tall and big-boned for his age. His wrist bones are larger than mine and his shoulders are broader than mine, his height is almost 5-5, at 12 years old. He also looks older than 12. If you saw my son you might think "how could anyone bully that kid", because of size, maybe even think that he looks like he would be a bully himself. But he has a heart of gold, very kind spirited and a wonderful child- and I'm proud of him for that.
The bullying has gotten so bad that he finally let a lot out last night. You could tell that he's reached a point where keeping it inside is too hard. There are three kids, which he's in several classes with, and a coach. He doesn't lash back at these kids when they do what they do. The way he describes it, and how he feels, I think he just shuts down. These kids are on him everyday and embarrass my son in front of the whole class and the things that are said are just horrible and cruel. His coach is really something else as well. A few months back he was screaming at my son in front of the whole class and called him "big boy". The first day the coach said that these bullies were on to my son saying that even the coach was even "calling him a walrus" because of his size and teeth. He's constantly on my son about getting his knees higher. Yesterday was a pretty bad day with this coach and the bullies. This coach screams in military style. I've asked some of my son's friends about this coach and he is known for being angry and screaming at the top of his lungs. Now this is just PE, not football or the military. He's also hard on other kids, not just my son. I sent an email to this coach a few months back asking him, respectfully, not to refer to my son as anything other than his name. The coach never responded to my email. Though he has referred to my son by his name since. My son also did not know I sent that email.
I want my son to have a positive experience with school. He loves learning, practically a straight A student, doesn't get in trouble. He's in band and loves it, very passionate about it. But I can imagine how hard it must be to learn and be positive with bullies on you constantly throughout the day.
The last thing I want to do is make things worse on him by going to the school. However, as his father, I can't let this go on. Our fear is that if we do address this with the school he'll stop talking to us about what is going on. He feels strongly that there's nothing that can be done... that there's nothing the school can do- these kids won't change. And I'm sure that's the psychology behind bullying and the effects on bully victims.
I'm going to the school either way. I want to demand that these problems be stopped, the bullying to stop immediately and for my son to not have to worry about any retaliation as a result- from the kids or the coach. But is this even practical? Am I not being realistic? This is where I'm hoping to get some advice. I don't want to be the reason, or the problem parent, that gives my son a bad rep that he'll carry with him throughout the rest of his school years. I don't want to be the reason a rumor is started throughout school and things actually do get worse. These three bullies in particular, are constantly in trouble. My son has been in the same school district since he started school- so they can look at his record and see that he's never had issue one with grades, behavior, respect etc. I will explain to the school that my son doesn't know that I'm addressing this with them, however, I know that they'll need to talk to him to get facts if they are going to effectively fix this. But maybe they won't fix or see that it's a problem. Again, thinking that all of this is normal and part of this rough part of school. However, I'm not going to just stand idly by and continue to let this happen. I'm trying very hard to make son understand that he doesn't have to go through this. At the same time, I'm also trying to make him understand that there are always going to be problem people, and situations, to deal with in life. But not to the point where they bully you and break your spirit and self-esteem down to nothing. From what I'm reading, researching on the net, bullying is really bad in Middle School (and throughout Elementary and HS). It seems like the schools could be doing more to raise awareness and educate the kids on bullying. I really wish there were "zero tolerance policies" in place for bullying.
Anyway, I apologize for the long rant. I'm sure that in a lot of this I'm not making any sense. All of this breaks my heart, angers me and it hurts that my son has been going through this. If any of you can give me any advice on how to deal with this (with the school) effectively, I would so greatly appreciate it. Additionally, if any of you have any success stories where bullying was stopped, I would love to hear them. Have any other parents had problems getting your child to talk about the bullying they're subjected to?
Thank you for your time in reading this and any help or advice.
-Eric
I'm hoping to get some advice from other parents that have dealt with their child being bullied, or other kids that have experienced bullying and received some sort of resolution.
My son is 6th grader at a Middle School that apparently has a bad problem with bullying. In fact, the ISD itself has had a problem with bullying and has received national attention due to a suicide that took place a number of years ago.
I know Middle School is rough. I know some kids are as cruel as cruel can be at this age, but that cannot be acceptable. I feel like our school treats bullying as a harmless, almost inevitable part of growing up. But it's not normal and the effects from bullying have such a psychological, negative impact.
I know also that bullying has been going on since the dawn of time. However, I feel like the culture of bullying has gotten far worse in these times.
Getting my son to talk to me or my wife about being bullying is like pulling teeth. He'd rather keep it inside and deal with the bullying rather than deal with the fallout/retaliation as a result of bringing these situations to the attention of the school (basically giving them names and describing the horrible things that are said and done on a daily basis). The saying at his school is "snitches get stitches".
My son is slightly overweight but not fat in any way. He is very tall and big-boned for his age. His wrist bones are larger than mine and his shoulders are broader than mine, his height is almost 5-5, at 12 years old. He also looks older than 12. If you saw my son you might think "how could anyone bully that kid", because of size, maybe even think that he looks like he would be a bully himself. But he has a heart of gold, very kind spirited and a wonderful child- and I'm proud of him for that.
The bullying has gotten so bad that he finally let a lot out last night. You could tell that he's reached a point where keeping it inside is too hard. There are three kids, which he's in several classes with, and a coach. He doesn't lash back at these kids when they do what they do. The way he describes it, and how he feels, I think he just shuts down. These kids are on him everyday and embarrass my son in front of the whole class and the things that are said are just horrible and cruel. His coach is really something else as well. A few months back he was screaming at my son in front of the whole class and called him "big boy". The first day the coach said that these bullies were on to my son saying that even the coach was even "calling him a walrus" because of his size and teeth. He's constantly on my son about getting his knees higher. Yesterday was a pretty bad day with this coach and the bullies. This coach screams in military style. I've asked some of my son's friends about this coach and he is known for being angry and screaming at the top of his lungs. Now this is just PE, not football or the military. He's also hard on other kids, not just my son. I sent an email to this coach a few months back asking him, respectfully, not to refer to my son as anything other than his name. The coach never responded to my email. Though he has referred to my son by his name since. My son also did not know I sent that email.
I want my son to have a positive experience with school. He loves learning, practically a straight A student, doesn't get in trouble. He's in band and loves it, very passionate about it. But I can imagine how hard it must be to learn and be positive with bullies on you constantly throughout the day.
The last thing I want to do is make things worse on him by going to the school. However, as his father, I can't let this go on. Our fear is that if we do address this with the school he'll stop talking to us about what is going on. He feels strongly that there's nothing that can be done... that there's nothing the school can do- these kids won't change. And I'm sure that's the psychology behind bullying and the effects on bully victims.
I'm going to the school either way. I want to demand that these problems be stopped, the bullying to stop immediately and for my son to not have to worry about any retaliation as a result- from the kids or the coach. But is this even practical? Am I not being realistic? This is where I'm hoping to get some advice. I don't want to be the reason, or the problem parent, that gives my son a bad rep that he'll carry with him throughout the rest of his school years. I don't want to be the reason a rumor is started throughout school and things actually do get worse. These three bullies in particular, are constantly in trouble. My son has been in the same school district since he started school- so they can look at his record and see that he's never had issue one with grades, behavior, respect etc. I will explain to the school that my son doesn't know that I'm addressing this with them, however, I know that they'll need to talk to him to get facts if they are going to effectively fix this. But maybe they won't fix or see that it's a problem. Again, thinking that all of this is normal and part of this rough part of school. However, I'm not going to just stand idly by and continue to let this happen. I'm trying very hard to make son understand that he doesn't have to go through this. At the same time, I'm also trying to make him understand that there are always going to be problem people, and situations, to deal with in life. But not to the point where they bully you and break your spirit and self-esteem down to nothing. From what I'm reading, researching on the net, bullying is really bad in Middle School (and throughout Elementary and HS). It seems like the schools could be doing more to raise awareness and educate the kids on bullying. I really wish there were "zero tolerance policies" in place for bullying.
Anyway, I apologize for the long rant. I'm sure that in a lot of this I'm not making any sense. All of this breaks my heart, angers me and it hurts that my son has been going through this. If any of you can give me any advice on how to deal with this (with the school) effectively, I would so greatly appreciate it. Additionally, if any of you have any success stories where bullying was stopped, I would love to hear them. Have any other parents had problems getting your child to talk about the bullying they're subjected to?
Thank you for your time in reading this and any help or advice.
-Eric
