Hot girl. Utter dread.

[THeCARS1979]

I wish I could. It terrifies me to even call anyone. Let alone a girl. I could easily get ahold of her. My sister and cousin are very close.

you should do this. I would think about doing it soon. Don't let to long pass
I know how this is uncomfortable. There was once a girl from some kid who knew my sister. Since I dont want her getting into my affairs I never did say anything but that's me

 

[Luckylife]

You need to work on your conversational skills and body language. Learning to ask questions is a crucial part of this. Notice how she asked questions and you responded with closed answers of one word apiece. The closed body language would have been the final nail.

This is a good point. Regrettable I know, if we analyse hers and yours actions, you 'wouldn't' speak to her and she didn't want to draw attention to this. A good woman can only do so much and by the sound of it your parents have realised something is up.

 

[Resurrection]

This is a good point. Regrettable I know, if we analyse hers and yours actions, you 'wouldn't' speak to her and she didn't want to draw attention to this. A good woman can only do so much and by the sound of it your parents have realised something is up.

She tried. I wish I could tell her I'm not an ***, or that I have severe anxiety. She probably knew anyway, it's obvious.
Oh... And believe me... My parents know. They've known about my condition for years. They don't bother to help me get through it, and they don't care at all. No sympathy, no respect. They know I'm terrified, and they crack jokes as if they don't know I have anxiety. But they do know, so theyre basically just asses. :thumbdown:

 

[Resurrection]

you should do this. I would think about doing it soon. Don't let to long pass
I know how this is uncomfortable. There was once a girl from some kid who knew my sister. Since I dont want her getting into my affairs I never did say anything but that's me

I'm going to let time pass. Because I know I'm not going to act. I've never made a move with a hot chick like that before. Well fine, I've never made a move with a girl I find really attractive.
Otherwise I would have had like 5 girlfirends in the past, all very good looking. I really have no idea how I could override my fears and talk to her. Where could I begin? Maybe add her on Facebook? That might seem odd. Maybe I'm over thinking this, and I should just take a chance and tell her I was just nervous. Ask how she's doing. Or maybe that might come off as too obsessiony-clingy-infatuated-like. Eh. Forget it.

 

[Megaten]

She tried. I wish I could tell her I'm not an ***, or that I have severe anxiety. She probably knew anyway, it's obvious.
Oh... And believe me... My parents know. They've known about my condition for years. They don't bother to help me get through it, and they don't care at all. No sympathy, no respect. They know I'm terrified, and they crack jokes as if they don't know I have anxiety. But they do know, so theyre basically just asses. :thumbdown:

Im willing to bet they dont realize just how serious SA can be. A lot of people just dont take it seriously. And Im thinking its because, to a certain extent, everyone experiences some degree of social anxiety. So they think it can be solved by getting some cute girl to try and pull you out of your shell without any sort of warning or guidance. My folks are pretty much the same way. They're like "well we were shy too, but we grew out of it". Theres a big difference in being occasionally nervous/shy and having anxiety so bad that it socially cripples you.

 

[Resurrection]

Im willing to bet they dont realize just how serious SA can be. A lot of people just dont take it seriously. And Im thinking its because, to a certain extent, everyone experiences some degree of social anxiety. So they think it can be solved by getting some cute girl to try and pull you out of your shell without any sort of warning or guidance. My folks are pretty much the same way. They're like "well we were shy too, but we grew out of it". Theres a big difference in being occasionally nervous/shy and having anxiety so bad that it socially cripples you.

Not to mention normal shyness goes away. Social anxiety rarely ever goes away on its own. Having a girl you're intimidated by, be right in your bubble will only make things worse, unless you have the confidence and tools to be able to handle it. When I see a new therapist, I'm going to bring my parents in so they can hear first hand how bad it is.

 

[Bronson99]

I'm going to let time pass. Because I know I'm not going to act. I've never made a move with a hot chick like that before. Well fine, I've never made a move with a girl I find really attractive.
Otherwise I would have had like 5 girlfirends in the past, all very good looking. I really have no idea how I could override my fears and talk to her. Where could I begin? Maybe add her on Facebook? That might seem odd. Maybe I'm over thinking this, and I should just take a chance and tell her I was just nervous. Ask how she's doing. Or maybe that might come off as too obsessiony-clingy-infatuated-like. Eh. Forget it.

I hate to all of a sudden act like a "tough love" Dr. Phil, here, but really I can see just from this, you have an entitlement problem. You are acting as if you're "owed" an attractive girl, and that the only reason you haven't gotten one is because you haven't tried. That speaks of entitlement, to me. It's something you will have to work on. The more entitled you are... the greater your frustration as well as INERTIA will be.

I'm a half-decent looking guy, myself, and have tried some kind of online dating stuff recently. Certainly I can't get a single woman interested in me.. not even those that I'm not normally interested in. With this experience, there goes any thought I had that "if I only tried, it would be easy." Online, at least, that thinking does NOT work. Entitlement does not work. I can't imagine it would work any better in real life.

So, get over yourself! You're not owed an attractive girl because other guys are privy to them. Certainly I've believed that long enough, myself.. the only result is incredible frustration and loneliness. I'm asking you to work on this, before you fall into this "entitlement" trap so far, you can't get out.

/end Dr. Phil "tough love" speech

 

[Resurrection]

I hate to all of a sudden act like a "tough love" Dr. Phil, here, but really I can see just from this, you have an entitlement problem. You are acting as if you're "owed" an attractive girl, and that the only reason you haven't gotten one is because you haven't tried. That speaks of entitlement, to me. It's something you will have to work on. The more entitled you are... the greater your frustration as well as INERTIA will be.

I'm a half-decent looking guy, myself, and have tried some kind of online dating stuff recently. Certainly I can't get a single woman interested in me.. not even those that I'm not normally interested in. With this experience, there goes any thought I had that "if I only tried, it would be easy." Online, at least, that thinking does NOT work. Entitlement does not work. I can't imagine it would work any better in real life.

So, get over yourself! You're not owed an attractive girl because other guys are privy to them. Certainly I've believed that long enough, myself.. the only result is incredible frustration and loneliness. I'm asking you to work on this, before you fall into this "entitlement" trap so far, you can't get out.

/end Dr. Phil "tough love" speech

Nooo. That's not what I mean. I've had self esteem issues regarding women, so no way do I feel they should be crawling to me. I just meant that I've had nice looking women come up me to talk out of nowhere, I've had classes with them in which I sat next to them and they tried talking to me quite a bit, and I know some of them were interested, but I was too afraid to do anything so they eventually just gave up. All I meant. If I had great social skills toward women, and a lack of fear, I probably would've dated at least one I'm sure. No way am I trying to say I'm a chick magnet. Last thing I'm trying to enforce is arrogance and charm. But I'm giving you the facts.

 

[State_Of_Trance]

I hate to all of a sudden act like a "tough love" Dr. Phil, here, but really I can see just from this, you have an entitlement problem. You are acting as if you're "owed" an attractive girl, and that the only reason you haven't gotten one is because you haven't tried. That speaks of entitlement, to me. It's something you will have to work on. The more entitled you are... the greater your frustration as well as INERTIA will be.

I'm a half-decent looking guy, myself, and have tried some kind of online dating stuff recently. Certainly I can't get a single woman interested in me.. not even those that I'm not normally interested in. With this experience, there goes any thought I had that "if I only tried, it would be easy." Online, at least, that thinking does NOT work. Entitlement does not work. I can't imagine it would work any better in real life.

So, get over yourself! You're not owed an attractive girl because other guys are privy to them. Certainly I've believed that long enough, myself.. the only result is incredible frustration and loneliness. I'm asking you to work on this, before you fall into this "entitlement" trap so far, you can't get out.

/end Dr. Phil "tough love" speech

I'm not attacking your intentions or anything, but I think if you look back at his posts you'll see that he didn't intend to sound entitled or anything. He was venting frustrations about a really awkward situation. He never says anything bad about the girl, for example, never suggests that she should have "done something more for him" or anything like that.

When certain subjects come up, we can often hear what someone says and mistakenly group them with a category of arguments we've already heard. So, for example, on a hot button issue where we've all heard the most common arguments, it can be tempting to skim a post and think "Oh, he's doing that argument," when in reality what the person said might not have been "that argument," it was just similar sounding but had its own nuances.

So in this case, yeah, there are a fair amount of lazy guys who are bitter at girls for not being more into the guy and yeah, this is unreasonable entitlement. With a thread title like "Hot girl. Utter dread" I guess I can see how this thread could have been one of those lazy entitlement things, but it's really not. Go back through that first post. I think he was just venting about an uncomfortable situation.

 

[Resurrection]

I'm not attacking your intentions or anything, but I think if you look back at his posts you'll see that he didn't intend to sound entitled or anything. He was venting frustrations about a really awkward situation. He never says anything bad about the girl, for example, never suggests that she should have "done something more for him" or anything like that.

When certain subjects come up, we can often hear what someone says and mistakenly group them with a category of arguments we've already heard. So, for example, on a hot button issue where we've all heard the most common arguments, it can be tempting to skim a post and think "Oh, he's doing that argument," when in reality what the person said might not have been "that argument," it was just similar sounding but had its own nuances.

So in this case, yeah, there are a fair amount of lazy guys who are bitter at girls for not being more into the guy and yeah, this is unreasonable entitlement. With a thread title like "Hot girl. Utter dread" I guess I can see how this thread could have been one of those lazy entitlement things, but it's really not. Go back through that first post. I think he was just venting about an uncomfortable situation.

Yeah, exactly. In no way am I bitter or expecting some special attention and respect. I'm upset about my SA preventing me from talking to girls. I get chances once in a great while and I don't try to take them any further. I'm not mad or demanding of anyone. Just upset about my condition. Thanks for understanding.

 

[Megaten]

By the way, have you brought this particular fear up with your therapist? They might be able to offer some ideas of self talk to help alleviate the anxiety at least a little. Or maybe figure out what the root is. Because a lot of those reactions are tied to this core belief we have about ourselves and others. And a lot of the time we dont really know what it is since it hits fast and out of nowhere. But until that core belief is discovered and dismantled, any negative self talk coming from it will be near impossible to get rid of.

 

[Resurrection]

By the way, have you brought this particular fear up with your therapist? They might be able to offer some ideas of self talk to help alleviate the anxiety at least a little. Or maybe figure out what the root is. Because a lot of those reactions are tied to this core belief we have about ourselves and others. And a lot of the time we dont really know what it is since it hits fast and out of nowhere. But until that core belief is discovered and dismantled, any negative self talk coming from it will be near impossible to get rid of.

Very true. The fear is so automatic. It's basically amygdala hijacking. I have to see a new therapist soon. But first I have to fix some financial issues. As soon as I see a new one, I'll for sure talk about this stuff. Only problem is that the last time I seen my previous therapist, I had a panic attack. Right in his room and he has no windows or anything. I felt trapped. I just hope that doesn't happen with the next therapist.

 

[Bronson99]

I'm not attacking your intentions or anything, but I think if you look back at his posts you'll see that he didn't intend to sound entitled or anything. He was venting frustrations about a really awkward situation. He never says anything bad about the girl, for example, never suggests that she should have "done something more for him" or anything like that.

When certain subjects come up, we can often hear what someone says and mistakenly group them with a category of arguments we've already heard. So, for example, on a hot button issue where we've all heard the most common arguments, it can be tempting to skim a post and think "Oh, he's doing that argument," when in reality what the person said might not have been "that argument," it was just similar sounding but had its own nuances.

So in this case, yeah, there are a fair amount of lazy guys who are bitter at girls for not being more into the guy and yeah, this is unreasonable entitlement. With a thread title like "Hot girl. Utter dread" I guess I can see how this thread could have been one of those lazy entitlement things, but it's really not. Go back through that first post. I think he was just venting about an uncomfortable situation.

I suppose so, in hindsight.. he probably is not showing entitlement. But give me this.. it could still be problematic for him in a way he is not yet aware of. People underestimate just how pervasive the problem of entitlement really is for men, in this day and age. I dunno, I mean, it took me until I was AT LEAST 25 years old to realize I was expecting things but wasn't owed them.

More cynicism ahead: I feel if the OP had used slightly more spirited language or complained in some overt way, this really *would* have been a hot-button thread with a few of the familiar names showing up to paint him as a villain, etc. Certainly, he's not that, though.. but just saying.