Holding back, or blank?

[Day_Tripper]

Do you hold back from saying things, or do you just not know what to say to people? Mainly I'm so quiet because I don't really know what to say. I never say the wrong thing, because I know what works and what doesn't, but I just usually end up saying the safe thing, like "yeah" or something.

So do you guys reject the thoughts that pop into your head, or do you not get them in the first place?

 

[Psychedelicious]

I do both!!! Mostly not knowing what to say though. I say "I don't know" more than anything.

 

[Broken_Memory]

YES. I find that I can't think properly (drawing a blank, like you mentioned) and freely the way I might if I were on my own. This limits me to saying pretty basic things. When I work up the courage to (and this is both upsetting AND infuriating while I type and think about it) speak, my explanation or whatever I'm talking about just sounds confusing, I get tongue-tied and I feel like I'm not making any sense. Then the person responds in a way that shows they totally missed what I said.

Lately I've been listening to other people's conversations to try and picture what I'd say if I were in the conversation. Most of the time I picture myself saying "yeah, that's true *nervous laugh* *overly smiley*" and then the conversation wouldn't go much further.

I HATE not being free to say what I want. When I'm away from a social situation I think "I should just ... exist. I'll say what comes to mind". But, as many of you probably experience, nothing DOES come to mind except the negative crap.

Its gotten better for me in the last few years around people that are a bit quieter than me, where if its at school we're just going to talk about school-related stuff. But when the more outgoing students are chatting about other things, I either:

1) Can't contribute because I don't keep up with pop culture (shows, music etc that are popular NOW. I'll probably like them when they're in re-runs lol)

2) I'm much too nervous and feel if I speak, I'll be unheard and embarrassed -or get tongue tied etc

3) I'm extremely sensitive to people's facial reactions

4) I'm horrible at keeping up a conversation and I HATE the feeling I get after I've kept up a 10 second conversation and it.... dies because I can't say think of anything afterwards other than "yeah" or "that's true". Ugh.


So. People at school/work never get to know the real me. I'm certainly in one of my "I hate social phobia" days. Sometimes I like it, at least it keeps me humble and non-clonelike.

 

[ghost_train]

hmm. This is one I could never quite work out. My current thoery is that my thoughts are kind of vetted- sort of pre-filtered at a subconscious level, such that, with some people, my envelope of conversational capacity is basically limitless- I feel completely free to express myself- whilst with other people it is miniscule and I can say very little.

I think this is why I have such trouble talking to girls. I do not understand the female psyche to anywhere near the same extent as I do the male. Therefore I'm too afraid of the uncertainty of the result of what I may say to allow myself much freedom of expression. Hence I'm worried that I come across as dull- adding anxiety and further self-inhibition.

One of these days...

 

[Mike87]

Do you hold back from saying things, or do you just not know what to say to people? Mainly I'm so quiet because I don't really know what to say. I never say the wrong thing, because I know what works and what doesn't, but I just usually end up saying the safe thing, like "yeah" or something.

So do you guys reject the thoughts that pop into your head, or do you not get them in the first place?

Yes, whenever my teachers asks us a few questions while giving lectures just to know how much we understand, I know the answers but never say anything.
When it comes to starting conversations, I have no idea what to say.... but if someone talks to me about something then I'll say a few words.

In general, I mostly reject the things that I think of saying.

 

[Siren]

Both.

I definitely can't think on the spot. Even when asked questions I know the answer to, I still say "I don't know." or I will say some wrong, stupid answer. Then the second they turn their attention away from me, all my competent thought comes flooding back and I'm kicking myself inside. But my mind truly is completely blank when I'm put on the spot, I just say the first thing that comes to mind, which is usually "I don't know."

However, when I'm not on the spot, and I'm just observing a situation or conversation, I'm thinking of all these great things to say or do, but I just can't make myself do it.

 

[Day_Tripper]

However, when I'm not on the spot, and I'm just observing a situation or conversation, I'm thinking of all these great things to say or do, but I just can't make myself do it.

yeah, same here.

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[wooaah]

man... this is so easy to relate to. I'm both too. And even when i'm neither holding back nor blank and actually say something. I go blank in a minute and then... awkward silence.

 

[Ken]

I get that alot. That is why i usually let the other person do most of the talking.

 

[Zarrix]

Do you hold back from saying things, or do you just not know what to say to people? Mainly I'm so quiet because I don't really know what to say. I never say the wrong thing, because I know what works and what doesn't, but I just usually end up saying the safe thing, like "yeah" or something.

So do you guys reject the thoughts that pop into your head, or do you not get them in the first place?

Sometimes its the former, other times its the latter. If someone says a random thing, I will have no idea how to respond, and usually say 'yeah' or 'hmm' like you do. If someone asks me about my personality, then I know what to say, but rarely do I ever say it.

 

[Argamemnon]

Yes, it's all very familiar. I have little to add. It sucks.

 

[princess_haru]

I get tongue-tied and I feel like I'm not making any sense. Then the person responds in a way that shows they totally missed what I said.

Yeah, it's horrible when someone totally misunderstands what I've said. I usually can't be bothered to correct them, because explaining myself is just too much effort and draws attention to the fact that I couldn't string a coherent sentence together in the first place :?

1) Can't contribute because I don't keep up with pop culture (shows, music etc that are popular NOW. I'll probably like them when they're in re-runs lol)

2) I'm much too nervous and feel if I speak, I'll be unheard and embarrassed -or get tongue tied etc

3) I'm extremely sensitive to people's facial reactions

4) I'm horrible at keeping up a conversation and I HATE the feeling I get after I've kept up a 10 second conversation and it.... dies because I can't say think of anything afterwards other than "yeah" or "that's true". Ugh.

So. People at school/work never get to know the real me. I'm certainly in one of my "I hate social phobia" days. Sometimes I like it, at least it keeps me humble and non-clonelike.

I can relate to all of the above. I don't bother to keep up with pop culture either, as most of it bores me to be honest and I'd rather follow my own interests. I'm really sensitive to people's facial expressions too, constantly monitoring them for negative signs. I also get what you mean about sometimes liking being this way in that it keeps me individual and self-aware...

 

[Argamemnon]

I'm extremely sensitive to people's facial reactions

Same here.. I'm also extremely sensitive to people who cough, I always assume that I somehow made them feel uncomfortable :?

 

[Siren]

Then the person responds in a way that shows they totally missed what I said.

3) I'm extremely sensitive to people's facial reactions

Sometimes I like it, at least it keeps me humble and non-clonelike.

Agree with all of the above.

I hate that expression people get when I can tell the conversation is going down hill, and they have no idea what I'm talking about.
I'm constantly looking at their expression and their body language, and it's usually the "get me out of here" sign. I've been told I'm imagining it, but I see it, and as soon as I see that, I get even more uncomfortable, and start trying to end the interaction asap. It usually starts about 5 seconds in to what I'm saying.

But I know what you mean about staying individual. The introspection SA brings is interesting, makes you very aware.

 

[SilentStranger]

For me its a combination of both. There are times when I want to put forward my opinion, but I am too scared of stuffing up or being wrong. Most of the time the effort involved with vocalising my opinion is painful and difficult. So I keep my mouth shut.

At other times, both at work and socially, I am completely lost as what to say. My mind is blank and I have no opinion. This was highlighted in a recent work meeting where people actually pointed out my silence to the whole group!

I think broken_memory covered some of the reasons very well.

For at least apart from the obvious SP, which is reason for bad social skills, I think at least some of this is related to my bad memory. My mind seemed to be so scattered most of the time which is wreaking havoc with my small attempts as coming out of this shell and more importantly its effecting my work at well.

-SS

 

[tool1919]

I think i'm so used to analysing everything i'm about to say that by the time i'm about to say it the moment has passed and its irrelevent, or i've overanalysed it and decided it could come across wrong and decided not to say it. HOLDING BACK

I also think that i spend so much time analysing everone's reactions (in general and their reactions to me) that i don't actually LISTEN to them so i don't have a response because i haven't actually HEARD what they are saying. Therefore i have nothing to say. BLANK

In summary, a bit of both.

 

[princess_haru]

I think i'm so used to analysing everything i'm about to say that by the time i'm about to say it the moment has passed and its irrelevent, or i've overanalysed it and decided it could come across wrong and decided not to say it. HOLDING BACK

I also think that i spend so much time analysing everone's reactions (in general and their reactions to me) that i don't actually LISTEN to them so i don't have a response because i haven't actually HEARD what they are saying. Therefore i have nothing to say. BLANK

In summary, a bit of both.

What you've written is exactly what I do, too. I'm trying to get out of the habit of analysing and worrying instead of listening and responding, but it's a very hard habit to break since I've had it practically all my life.