Hiya

B

BaronMunchausen

Member
First off I'll try not to type my whole life story here. =P I've had social anxiety (or at least, I'm pretty sure I do, though I've never had a formal diagnosis) since I was maybe 14-15 and am now 25. I've gradually progressed from merely being shy in class, and around other people, to really avoiding most social interactions altogether. I dropped out of college after only 2 semesters because I felt I just couldn't take a lot of the classes that were required to graduate (speech, anything that required class participation as a grade). I would even muster up courage and decide to speak up in class, but the few times I did I would clam up, blush red as a tomato, and feel embarrassed to even show up to class after that. I've been lucky to find some decent jobs regardless, and in my profession I don't generally have to interact with people much except one-on-one or over email/etc...(I work in IT). But still, it's always been really limiting because I would be terrified to ever speak up in meetings, or confront my boss with ideas, or I would self-sabotage or avoid opportunities to move up because they would require social interaction that I didn't really feel I was capable of.

I lost my job about 6 months ago and things have been really bad for me since then. For the first time in my life I am living in an apartment by myself (I'd always shared with friends before) and it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm terrified to even go outside, let alone speak to anyone. I have two good friends that live closeby but I feel more and more depressed, and avoid initiating any activities with them. I feel like I'm not good enough for them, they're too busy, it will be awkward, etc. I even had a friend who was visiting from out of town invite me to go out this Friday, and I made excuses not to go at the last moment and didn't return her calls. It was extremely rude and I'm embarrassed to even apologize or try to justify my actions. :(

It's been about 5 years since I've seriously dated anyone, and I'm sort of getting to the point where I've totally given up with that. I've been so nervous around people for so long that I don't even really know how to enjoy having a conversation anymore. I have no idea how I would ever develop a meaningful relationship with someone again.

I don't know, I guess I just needed to get a lot of this stuff off my chest. I don't really have anyone I can talk to and be entirely open about this sort of thing.

Can anyone point me in the direction of some good online resources for helping with social anxiety? Is it possible to get treatment locally for relatively low cost if you don't have insurance? (US - MN)
 
rjv

rjv

Member
Hello. :) Believe it or not my SA has improved just by me doing my own research and reading SA workbooks and things like that. I also went through the Midwest Center's Attacking Anxiety and depression program (stresscenter.com) and it helped alot. I heard they'll work with you on payments too.
 
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BaronMunchausen

Member
Thank you everyone for the welcome.

I guess whether or I like it or not (from the forced socialization point of view) I will be returning to school this summer. I'm both excited and really nervous. I feel like shared activities like work or school/etc. are one of the few places where I can make friends because there isn't really the need for introducing yourself and making conversation from the ground up. You can sort of get to know people over a period of time without any pressure...so anyway I'm hoping I can maybe meet some new people. I've had a tendency in the past to be really standoffish in settings like this, too, though, so I guess I'll just have to try at it.

There are some sliding scale/free clinics available in the area. I think I may try to make it to one of them this week (I'm terrible at procrastinating when it comes to things like this...but I think I really need to do it). I may try and search out some online material too to see if that may help.

I'm generally cautious about taking any sort of medication unless it's absolutely necessary, but have any of you had any luck with that? I think something that would specifically soften the whole heart-racing-sweaty-wringing-hands-anxiety-attack that seems to come along any time I might have to speak in front of a group of people. I don't know if anything helps with blushing (I don't know why, but I blush extremely easily) but...I think being even a little more calm in those situations might help a lot.
 
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