So Im new, and I have sa. Looking for for some people to maybe help me out. I go to college. As far as parting goes, I drink a lot to socialize. It sucks because people meet me as one person and then see me as another. I wish I could be myself all the time but the only thing that seems to loosen me up is drinking or something. On a normal basis I feel as though people are looking at me or judging me. I usually hate making eye contact with strangers.
Hey, Im new.
- Thread starter Jay22
- Start date
Hi & Welcome!
I didn't drink at Uni (most of the time) and it did sometimes make it awkward, but then I just escaped to the dancefloor with my friends and bother everyone else! Music was my 'getting hi' means (good music mind you!!) Maybe you can try something like this?
It helped to have people I knew from classes or from dorm there too, so we could talk and dance together, and it was more easygoing...
I also didn't expect to 'have fun' at parties much/some of the time, just something to 'go to' and 'endure' - and usually I did end up having a lot of fun!
Could you also go to a drama club or something like that, that helped me open up a lot.. Or any other interesting clubs/societies/volunteer groups? Or learn from any sociable roommates/flatmates? (That helped me big time too!)
Please stay away from alcohol as much as possible, it nearly destroyed lives of many of my relatives. :
:
I didn't drink at Uni (most of the time) and it did sometimes make it awkward, but then I just escaped to the dancefloor with my friends and bother everyone else! Music was my 'getting hi' means (good music mind you!!) Maybe you can try something like this?
It helped to have people I knew from classes or from dorm there too, so we could talk and dance together, and it was more easygoing...
I also didn't expect to 'have fun' at parties much/some of the time, just something to 'go to' and 'endure' - and usually I did end up having a lot of fun!
Could you also go to a drama club or something like that, that helped me open up a lot.. Or any other interesting clubs/societies/volunteer groups? Or learn from any sociable roommates/flatmates? (That helped me big time too!)
Please stay away from alcohol as much as possible, it nearly destroyed lives of many of my relatives. :
:
philly2bits
Well-known member
Welcome Jay and Minty.
Thank you all for the welcomes and the tips. Minty I totally know what you mean about the hugs/greeting people. I never know what the situation calls for. Anyone else have that problem? And does anyone know how to improve eye contact with a person? I really attempt to hold eye contact but I always look away.
Bones
Well-known member
Hi and welcome Minty and Jay22, hope you find everything you need here, I used to have the same problem with eye contact until I watched people and noticed that (despite what I thought) people don't stare into each others eyes while they talk. They tend to have eye contact for a few seconds then look around a bit while talking (at hand gestures or anything that caught their eye etc), so when talking just dont feel as if you need to stare in their eyes...
and welcome (again)
and welcome (again)
Jay- I usually know what's required in a given situation but can't bring myself to do it because it's too awkward. All my friends know not to give me hugs, lol. I have problems with looking strangers in the eye, but if I know the person, I can hold eye contact in a conversation pretty well. My mom always taught me that eye contact shows you're honest and have nothing to hide; I know that's not true AT ALL and anxious people like ourselves have difficulty with eye contact (even though many of us are honest). So, that's probably why I do it with friends/family.
My guess would be practice. Practice looking people in the eye who you're comfortable with, then move onto acquaintances, then try it with strangers. Go SLOW, don't push yourself.
My guess would be practice. Practice looking people in the eye who you're comfortable with, then move onto acquaintances, then try it with strangers. Go SLOW, don't push yourself.
Hi and welcome Minty and Jay22, hope you find everything you need here, I used to have the same problem with eye contact until I watched people and noticed that (despite what I thought) people don't stare into each others eyes while they talk. They tend to have eye contact for a few seconds then look around a bit while talking (at hand gestures or anything that caught their eye etc), so when talking just dont feel as if you need to stare in their eyes...
and welcome (again)
Ty for the welcome, guys!
I've noticed that too. It's kind of creepy if you stare at a person without a break. XD I usually give eye contact when I'm listening and then when I'm replying, I'm usually thinking and my eye contact will break as I try to remember certain things. It's easy with people I'm close with because I'm not self-conscious.
Welcome dudes!
