Help Me Find Inspiration & Hope!

[schauger]

Okay, so just let me clue you in on how I'm starting out. I'm 19, gonna be 20 this year. I'm overweight by 50 lbs. Don't eat healthy & exercise. I also have social anxiety my whole life that makes everyday living a challenge. I'm a shy, awkward, quiet person, mainly due to my social anxiety. I'm actually really funny & outspoken when I'm comfortable with someone, which happens to be only my sister & a few best friends. But these past years it has been getting worse. I get tightness in my chest from the anxiety now, which became new to me last year around this time. My social anxiety is so bad that I stay home ALL the time & avoid most social situations. The only time I'm eager to go out is when alcohol is involved so I won't have to deal with my social anxiety. & Yes this means I don't have very much friends & I'm lonely most of the time, usually "eat the loneliness away". It's also very hard for me to keep a job because of my social anxiety, so I live with my mom for obvious reasons. Also I'm too anxious to even attempt to drive, so yeah my social anxiety is pretty bad.

But now I'm getting so sick of this, struggling day by day & being lonely. The most thing I want to work on is my social anxiety. It has too much control over me, which is really overwhelming. I'm going to start, tomorrow morning when I wake up, by counting calories, eat healthier & getting exercise into my life. Since I heard that can help it. I just want to be a better, new me. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to go out in the world & not have social anxiety hold me back. I also have dreams of going back to school (only made it to grade 11 because of family issues, a personal trauma & my social anxiety played a factor too), keeping a job & moving out of my mom's place, preferably a new town too. And eventually becoming a Biologist. I also just want to be fit & healthy, weight wise especially. I want to be that outspoken, random person that I know I am deep down inside. I'm also considering taking medication for my social anxiety, but I'm just curious if it's worth it or not. I've also made a deadline to straighten my life out before I turn 20 (which is in 5 months).

I'd just like to know & see stories about people who have recovered or maintained there social anxiety, if there is actually hope to recovering or maintaining a balance with it. I accepted that I'll always have this, but what I seek is control & a balance. I'd also like to see feedback on what you guys think of my plan & if I should use medication or not & which kind of medication too. It would be very appreciated!

 

[Ashiene]

I used to be fit and my anxiety was just as bad as it is now. Now I am overweight because of binge eating but somehow I feel better able to cope with my anxiety now because I use binge eating as a distraction. So nothing has really changed. I didn't feel healthier when I was fit because I still had physical symptoms of anxiety like squeezing in chest, palpitations.

At least now I can neutralise my anxiety for brief moments with binge eating. When I was fit I could not do that because I was watching my weight. Food has become one of the few things that keep me going. If I were now still fit and did not binge eat, I would not know how else to cope.

 

[Flanscho]

In my early twenties, I was, due to years of bullying in my teens, nearly unable to speak to others, and social situations of any sort were a nightmare. Now, in my early thirties, I got a bunch of friends, go to parties, board game evenings, movie evenigs, festivals, got my own flat and whatnot. While parties are still not my favorite event, going there is no problem either. I'm still somewhat introverted, but I consider that to be part of my character, and not as a flaw of any sort. Things still improve year over year a tiny bit. I was once in therapy for chronic depressions for a while, but that's not necessary anymore, and went to a support group for SA, but that's not really necessary anymore either.

What worked for me was:
- Moving out of my parents home in my early twenties. While living at home was quite comfortable, I realized that I had to become more independant. I still phone with my parents once a week, and visit them a couple a times a year. I moved to a large city (university, good job opportunities, good chance to meet nice people), and shared there a flat with some friends of a friend I had at that time. I shared that flat with them for about ten years. Then, last year, I decided it was time to do the next step, and moved into my own flat.
- No drugs. Mostly because of the chronic depressions I had. I was worried that when I'd drink socially, I might also start drinking when I'm alone ('hey, look, that beer is left'), and that this might get worse quickly. Sometimes, like when I have a new job and people offer me a beer, they at first look at me a bit strangely for not drinking, but people always accepted it, and at least three of my friends don't drink either for various reasons.
- Biking. I think biking is the perfect way of transportation for people with SA, to reach any target within 15 or 20 miles. It saves money, is very healthy, saves time too, saves nerves (no traffic jams), is more social (like biking somewhere together with friends), more flexible. You don't have to deal with obnoxious people in the subway / bus either. And when you are out alone at night, you don't have to worry about the times of public transportation. Or that some creepy people suddenly approach you, because you are far too fast in any case.
- Trying to be positive. I sometimes imagine what a person I'd consider to be really outgoing, positive and forward would do, and then try to do the same to overcome certain worries.
- Join social events. I still worry about them at times, like about large festivals, but I never regretted going to one.
- Be reliable. If someone asks me "hey, do you join us for XYZ", I don't say "yes" and then simply don't show up. If I say yes, I will show up. If I don't want to, I say "sorry, not feeling like that these days". And if I'm unsure, I'll simply say that too. But I always keep my friends informed, so that they know what is going on.
- Thinking about what kind of events I like and organize them myself. For example, I really like cooking with one or a maximum of two friends at a time. It's healthy, you learn new recipes, improve your cooking skills, is relaxing, you can talk while doing that (unlike when you go to the movie or something). Or sometimes I go swimming with some friends. Or whatever. Or, most of my life, I ignored my birthday. Now I invite people for a boardgame day. People like that too, and I enjoy it much more than a regular party.

I think I had some other points too, but just forgot them. Oh, wait, this one:
- If you want to meet new people, think of a hobby that can be shared with others. For me, that would be board and card games and roleplaying games. Then it's quite easy to find groups of similar people in your city. While going there the first time might require quite some effort, overcoming the worries and doubts, I think it's the best way to get to know people who are somewhat similar. Other stuff of the like would be sports. Or participate in voluntary courses where you can learn new stuff, like languages, cooking, philosophy, writing or whatever.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.