ComplexCouple
Member
Hello, good evening everybody! So this i sour situation: One day chatting in an english talking chat, half the reasons not to lose command of it and the other half to avoid boredom, I found this girl from Australia, me being from Portugal…
She’s two years older than me she just finished her degree at uni, smart, sensitive, with an amazing capability to describe and analize feelings, good hearted girl… And to add more, she’s got the kind of beauty that can be unnoticed in public but at the same time it’s overwhelming once you have her in front of you.
From the beginning we tried to be mature with the fact that we’re 20000 kms far away from each other, but truth be told the idea of forgetting about each other was much more painful than that one of being apart, so, in the most coherent and fair way for both, we’re working up this relationship; we write mails daily and try to see and chat 3 nights per week the least; on occasions we’ve spent the whole night up talking (real talking, not writing), when I never thought I could be using my vocal chords for some 10 hours with the same person. We’ve got serious plans for meeting this summer and try to be see each other from then on monthly at least till I can move in as soon as possible. We’re calm and ready to assume the drawbacks of it, and we’re confident about being together with time. I’m so sure that “She’s The One”… As corny as it might sound, I love her endlessly.
It’s been three months since I met her and by the end of our first it was evident we loved each other, but it took two for her to tell me why did she avoid talking about her family or recent past: My girl has OCD. Being a child she had some unassisted symptoms, yet always was able to hide them to the rest; arguments with parents and siblings/brothers seem to be the root to the flourishing of her OCD, until at a certain point she started washing hands for hours; this could be followed by nights without sleep wandering around the house, tissues box in hand, to open doors avoiding to touch the knob not to contact “dirt” or “contamination” that her family were “causing” in their normal lifestyle, or avoiding to stay in the most crowded spaces of the house. Shower, her torture chamber as she called it when she confessed his issues to me, drove her to stay in the floor of the bathroom exhausted under the water, not knowing what to do but lying there for 16 hours even.
Back in her history are the years in which she dropped out of uni for a while, streaks of 4-5 days without eating anything but water, all day in her room, and keeping it under lock and key anytime she needed to go out (which happened rarely) being paranoid their parents could enter and disturb, untidy or pollute her room… She would make up mental lists of rituals to carry out to avoid anxiety that would be so long that she had to write them down, making everything like in slow motion to make sure she was doing what her mind was telling her ‘cause she wasn’t able at all to trust her feelings.
The situation was so violent at home that her parents obliged her to start therapy, making her enter the psychiatric ward of the hospital secured in a police car; she spent a time there trying to get healed with treatment and pills and a procedure by which she had to be like “checked out” every ten minutes to see she was ok. Seeing herself like this and with a low self-esteem she took the whole pack of pills until overdosing not once, but twice! Tears start to appear anytime I think what would it be of me without her now.
So now everything’s going good more or less… She barely has symptoms, since we met she says she hasn’t ever felt this happy and loved in her whole life and that she only succumbed once to washing hands when she came back from the family therapy that they (parents and my girl) have started to attend to. She’s been under treatment for like 3-4 years with meds and she says the nurses there in the hospital were like angels to her and that it all saved her life. It’s good to know at least that she’s conscious about her issue and that she’s willing to get healed.
Nevertheless family counseling’s being real tough for her as she thought it was more or less over, her parents are trying to get things straight now that they’re more conscious about it all… And there’s me who can just encourage, listen to her and make sure she’s the happiest girl in the world in spite of the distance… I’d offer to go with her to therapy if needed or accompany her or whatever but I physically just can’t, so here I am now asking for your advice.
What can I expect? She now really leads a normal kind of life and now that she ended her degree she’s starting to work and so on, she’s eager to get better and share all her sufferings and worries with me, but what should I do? Be a little bit more pushy and talk about it or wait for her to come to me with the topic? Is there any more ways for me to really help? Any advice wil be really appreciated.
So that’s all, I can just thank you all, thank you for your patience and time and apologize for any mistake I might have committed as this is not my native language.
Good luck to you all and hang in there guys!
She’s two years older than me she just finished her degree at uni, smart, sensitive, with an amazing capability to describe and analize feelings, good hearted girl… And to add more, she’s got the kind of beauty that can be unnoticed in public but at the same time it’s overwhelming once you have her in front of you.
From the beginning we tried to be mature with the fact that we’re 20000 kms far away from each other, but truth be told the idea of forgetting about each other was much more painful than that one of being apart, so, in the most coherent and fair way for both, we’re working up this relationship; we write mails daily and try to see and chat 3 nights per week the least; on occasions we’ve spent the whole night up talking (real talking, not writing), when I never thought I could be using my vocal chords for some 10 hours with the same person. We’ve got serious plans for meeting this summer and try to be see each other from then on monthly at least till I can move in as soon as possible. We’re calm and ready to assume the drawbacks of it, and we’re confident about being together with time. I’m so sure that “She’s The One”… As corny as it might sound, I love her endlessly.
It’s been three months since I met her and by the end of our first it was evident we loved each other, but it took two for her to tell me why did she avoid talking about her family or recent past: My girl has OCD. Being a child she had some unassisted symptoms, yet always was able to hide them to the rest; arguments with parents and siblings/brothers seem to be the root to the flourishing of her OCD, until at a certain point she started washing hands for hours; this could be followed by nights without sleep wandering around the house, tissues box in hand, to open doors avoiding to touch the knob not to contact “dirt” or “contamination” that her family were “causing” in their normal lifestyle, or avoiding to stay in the most crowded spaces of the house. Shower, her torture chamber as she called it when she confessed his issues to me, drove her to stay in the floor of the bathroom exhausted under the water, not knowing what to do but lying there for 16 hours even.
Back in her history are the years in which she dropped out of uni for a while, streaks of 4-5 days without eating anything but water, all day in her room, and keeping it under lock and key anytime she needed to go out (which happened rarely) being paranoid their parents could enter and disturb, untidy or pollute her room… She would make up mental lists of rituals to carry out to avoid anxiety that would be so long that she had to write them down, making everything like in slow motion to make sure she was doing what her mind was telling her ‘cause she wasn’t able at all to trust her feelings.
The situation was so violent at home that her parents obliged her to start therapy, making her enter the psychiatric ward of the hospital secured in a police car; she spent a time there trying to get healed with treatment and pills and a procedure by which she had to be like “checked out” every ten minutes to see she was ok. Seeing herself like this and with a low self-esteem she took the whole pack of pills until overdosing not once, but twice! Tears start to appear anytime I think what would it be of me without her now.
So now everything’s going good more or less… She barely has symptoms, since we met she says she hasn’t ever felt this happy and loved in her whole life and that she only succumbed once to washing hands when she came back from the family therapy that they (parents and my girl) have started to attend to. She’s been under treatment for like 3-4 years with meds and she says the nurses there in the hospital were like angels to her and that it all saved her life. It’s good to know at least that she’s conscious about her issue and that she’s willing to get healed.
Nevertheless family counseling’s being real tough for her as she thought it was more or less over, her parents are trying to get things straight now that they’re more conscious about it all… And there’s me who can just encourage, listen to her and make sure she’s the happiest girl in the world in spite of the distance… I’d offer to go with her to therapy if needed or accompany her or whatever but I physically just can’t, so here I am now asking for your advice.
What can I expect? She now really leads a normal kind of life and now that she ended her degree she’s starting to work and so on, she’s eager to get better and share all her sufferings and worries with me, but what should I do? Be a little bit more pushy and talk about it or wait for her to come to me with the topic? Is there any more ways for me to really help? Any advice wil be really appreciated.
So that’s all, I can just thank you all, thank you for your patience and time and apologize for any mistake I might have committed as this is not my native language.
Good luck to you all and hang in there guys!
. Keep us posted!
