..having issues with showing affection

[grapevine]

At first he used to ask to kiss me went we would part - but I would get all shy as it was in the day time and usually the morning when my bdd on my face is highest..

But I want to.

There are so many affectionate things I want to do with my bf, im not talking about sexually here- Im talking about expressing my feelings physically.

Why is it so hard? Sure I will hug and get close - but mainly in the night time. Its like, this morning when we parted ways .. we didnt even bother to hug or anything- really- it was my walking off and closed body language I think that did that. Why do I get so, feel a sense of dread everytime I am to leave him because I know there might be some affectionate/intimate goodbye?

I want to be able to just leap in and take full initiative and show my affections- but I think its hard with this bdd (and I havent being doing anything like self care to help it at the moment).

I just think sometimes a part of me doesnt want to because I am not liking myself outside and think he doesnt too. Esp since the past he has hurt my feelings relating to how I look and so its even hard to look at him in the eyes most times too because of that. BDD.

I just messaged him and told him that I wanted to be more affectionate lol. He said it would get easier. But its like - I feel embarassed that its more on my side that Im like this - because in my family we aren't physically affectionate.

 

[Jungle]

Hello grapevine,

Except kissing, hugging, and holding each other's hands I don't see how you could express your affective feelings more than that.
I do that a lot with my mother, whenever I greet her or when telling goodbye.
Maybe you can add to that a gesture where you'd kiss your hand, and send your kiss to him with your palm up (I don't know how this gesture is called, sorry)...It's hard to think of something else.

I am sure he'd understand that your bdd is the culprit, just don't beat yourself about it.

 

[Megaten]

I have this problem too actually. I can hug and kiss goodbye and all, but other things I see guys doing with their girlfriends in public I struggle with. And I see it a lot as men seem to be real touchy feely with their women. Like putting their hands on the small of their back or hugging them from behind or putting an arm around. Ive worked up the courage to do it a few times but I feel so awkward that it gets uncomfortable. One time I tried to put an arm around my girlfriend while we were standing and almost fell over on her because of the height difference. It has gotten a little easier with time, but I dont lie when I say I feel incredibly insecure when I see romantic movies and see how those guys act and how so many women love that mess. I guess we're just so used to not being in close contact that now its just weird to us.

 

[Louco]

Good. Stop showing any affection at all to this idiot and find someone who you will feel like playing with his body instead of having to make an effort.

Just kidding... But about family... My mother never gave affection to me, she always said the food on the table is her love. The only kind of "touch" I had was the fists and nails of my sadistic older sister. And I think I don't have issues about showing affection in a relationship, so don't let that be a barrier to you.

(I do feel like stabbing all my family members to death every now and then though.)

 

[grapevine]

Good. Stop showing any affection at all to this idiot and find someone who you will feel like playing with his body instead of having to make an effort.

Just kidding... But about family... My mother never gave affection to me, she always said the food on the table is her love. The only kind of "touch" I had was the fists and nails of my sadistic older sister. And I think I don't have issues about showing affection in a relationship, so don't let that be a barrier to you.

(I do feel like stabbing all my family members to death every now and then though.)

Fists and nails of love.. reminds me of my older sister - tho she was emotional fists and nails..



My problem is that I am not kissing him at all and yet I want to. Im not hugging much at all and I want to. And Im afraid of taking initative in doing those things and I want to . lol

There was a time weeks ago when he said 'lets hold hands' as we went on a sunday drive to this nice little town. But at that time I was so involved in my head of BDD stuff that I was so ashamed of myself towards him for how I looked - and comments that he carelessly had said the night before with his scattered brain.. took my body identity of what I had left in my self esteem (relating to my face) for six. It just skewed over everything - and so I said no and run away from him instead jokingly. Yet I really wanted to hold his hand- just felt like at the time that by doing so meant I was agreeing with what he had mentioned to me about looks- even though what he had said was not what I had prob heard idk.

Its just when you dont feel good about yourself and feel that he thinks your not great looking - or what ever - idk- it just makes you feel like hiding instead.

But Im getting to a better stage with bdd now relating to relationships. As I realise there is more than what one looks like.

But I feel like unless I am feeling my my best - I just will find it hard to be affectionate with him.