Having a bad day...

[bcsr]

Isn't it funny how having one bad day can make you almost instantly revert back to old habits? Saturday was pretty much the worst day I've had in a long time. I got really depressed, punched a steel pole, and might have broken my index finger.

I've been hitting the gym hard for almost 5 months now, getting healthy, in preparation for police academy. In my practice runs, I exceeded all their requirements, rather easily. Felt so good about this, was so hyped about taking the exam and fitness test on Saturday. This has been my dream since I was 12.

Problem was, I work nights. By the time I get off and get home it's almost 6am, and I had to be there at 9am. I knew I was going to be exhausted, so I set TWO separate alarms, and I slept through them both. And despite doing 80mph the whole way there, I was 2 minutes late. Once the test starts, doors are locked, no exceptions. I have to wait for the next academy before I can try again. It was such a miserable feeling. I would have much rather taken the test and failed.

I got depressed, and I knew sitting at home alone was going to just make things worse, so I texted a few friends to see if anyone wanted to go out. Half of them didn't even respond. Made me feel bad, like I'm not even worth 30 seconds of your time to respond. Ended up sitting around feeling sorry for myself the rest of the day.

I'm fine now. But damn, it's SO easy to fall back into those old patterns, and old ways of thinking. Social anxiety really is a lifelong problem, it's like living with an incurable disease, all you can do is manage it and control the outbreaks.

Venting Session Complete.

 

[theslowesthand]

Yes, some things from the past seem to be just "laying in wait", waiting for their associated trigger, and they all come out JUST like it was long ago in "the bad old days", perhaps even childhood. I suspect that ONLY some forms of "subconscious therapy" would be able to remove these unwanted "programs" from the past. Otherwise, they may stay in their "dormant" state for our whole lives??

 

[The Observer]

So you had a bad day, we all get them. The main thing is as you said "your fine now" seems like your on top of your SA, good job. Maybe don't punch anymore steel poles lol

 

[Iluv]

Sorry to hear you were having a bad day. *Hugs*
And glad to hear you're doing better now!
We need some good policemen so don't let SA get in the way of it. All the best of luck!

 

[Feathers]

((hugs)) Hope things get better!!

We need some good policemen yeah!!

I've heard a good 'cure' to not oversleep is to drink plenty of water/tea in the evening, so in the morning you 'need' to wake up! (Not sure how it would interfere with any exam or such? You might try it on non-exam days first? And next time maybe you could get a day or a few off for the exams?)

(Another thought was maybe you could just stay awake and not go to sleep inbetween - I know that's difficult though, one gets sleepy later on!! So yeah, better try to get at least a day off next time?)

It's great you're working - remember we are only human!! Even Superman had to sleep!!

And friends probably just adjusted to your 'new' schedule - and got into habit you sleep/work around that time... maybe they were sleeping/working too?