Have you ever been guilt tripped?

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#1
Today, I was texting someone on the phone and, apparently, it led to a horrible
miscommunication. I told him I was worried about someone in my family who has extreme night terrors and he told me life goes on.(terrible advice to give in this situation!) Also he kept accusing me of not trusting him, but I've opened up myself a lot to him over these past few years.

I felt so bad that I ended up crying . I apologized and told him I'm sorry if I offended him. I also said when we text, it probably leads to miscommunications like these. But he's already jumped to conclusions, assuming that wasn't true and that I don't trust him. He kept pressuring me to answer him if I trust him or not. He was also kinda oblivious to my feelings as well. Do I deserve this?
 
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FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#4
I don't know if he was trying to provoke a reaction out of me, but he'd keep saying how "I don't think you trust me and that I'm avoiding issues we haven't talked about."

The thing is, he already knows what's going on in my family and personal life. I think I pretty much have told him everything that was going on, including personal issues. Yet, he gets the impression that I haven't told him enough. WTF?? I don't understand. When I cried to him, he asks me "Why are you crying." I told him this is too much to handle. And his reply is "What do you mean? Because you were asked to be honest?" Talk about antagonizing!

I thought for a while, he was the kind of person who could sit down and actually validate how I was feeling. Now, it's like he didn't even acknowledge my feelings. That just wasn't like him to be so aggressive. I did apologize but only because I felt like I offended him. Makes me wonder if a lot of therapists use this tactic on their clients
 
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#6
Whenever I have been to a therapist, the first question they always ask is "Why are you coming here, what do you wish to accomplish through therapy?" I'm not sure if you were asked that or what answer you gave if you were, but if so it might shed some light on his actions. If you intention was to change or grow or improve, challenging you on things you don't want to be challenged on may be needed along the way. Validating your feelings all the time would just keep you treading the same water.

Now, if his intention is to be aggressive or to genuinely guilt trip you I don't think that is appropriate. Or if all you wanted was an ear to listen to you and nothing else, and he knew that and kept pushing you, that's not really his place either. From what you have said, it sounds like he's doing more harm than good regardless of his intentions. If that is the case, maybe another therapist would be better.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#7
Whenever I have been to a therapist, the first question they always ask is "Why are you coming here, what do you wish to accomplish through therapy?" I'm not sure if you were asked that or what answer you gave if you were, but if so it might shed some light on his actions. If you intention was to change or grow or improve, challenging you on things you don't want to be challenged on may be needed along the way. Validating your feelings all the time would just keep you treading the same water.

Now, if his intention is to be aggressive or to genuinely guilt trip you I don't think that is appropriate. Or if all you wanted was an ear to listen to you and nothing else, and he knew that and kept pushing you, that's not really his place either. From what you have said, it sounds like he's doing more harm than good regardless of his intentions. If that is the case, maybe another therapist would be better.
The thing is, I've expressed my concerns to him about problems in my life and all he did was minimize them.

Just because he doesn't deal with the same problems as me, doesn't make mine any less important. It's always just "Life goes on." And "Haven't I helped you." I've met a lot of people who were/are like him and it crushes me. The extreme lack of empathy that I get. Guilt won't help someone to become better. It makes them feel worse, withdrawn.... ashamed even. All I want is to be told that I'm not wrong for having these feelings, not be subjected to more stress and bad feelings. My concerns are genuine and I felt like the conversation became more about him than me.
 
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#11
The thing is, I've expressed my concerns to him about problems in my life and all he did was minimize them.

Just because he doesn't deal with the same problems as me, doesn't make mine any less important. It's always just "Life goes on." And "Haven't I helped you." I've met a lot of people who were/are like him and it crushes me. The extreme lack of empathy that I get. Guilt won't help someone to become better. It makes them feel worse, withdrawn.... ashamed even. All I want is to be told that I'm not wrong for having these feelings, not be subjected to more stress and bad feelings. My concerns are genuine and I felt like the conversation became more about him than me.
Is he your therapist specifically, or is he just a friend who happens to be a therapist? The way you describe him sound like (a somewhat bad) friend is why I ask. But a very unprofessional therapist. I don't think a professional you are paying to see should have their own personal issues spill over to the way they treat you in any way. Talking to a therapist should feel safe, and feeling guilted or judged is not ok in that type of relationship especially.

I think trusting your therapist is important, but the need for him to know you trust him sounds more like an insecure romantic partner than a therapist. It just seems really out of place for a professional to say. I don't understand the logic, and if I were you I would directly ask why he needs to know that. If he can't give you a clear and direct answer to why, I think there's an issue. A therapist shouldn't be throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, everything should have a rhyme or reason and be connected to some sort of methodology and process to help accomplish what you wish to accomplish. Every therapist I've been to has usually explained, in detail, exactly what he's going to try, why he's going to try it, and what he hopes to accomplish by doing so. It's not some great mystery. If there's action he's taking that doesn't make sense, he should be able to explain it or there's an issue.
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
#12
Sometimes the people in your life who are supposed to know better wind up being the main ones who hurt you. Since you trust them, their words carry more weight than others. But this person is in the wrong. He may be a good friend but keep in mind that he's a human too and, as such, he is imperfect. Therapist or no, he is making you feel badly (possibly manipulating you) for no good reason.
 
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