Have no clue what to say

[KJC]

I don't know

I don't know

 

[Ren Koutaisou]

Tell jokes instead of conversing.

 

[kihira]

One big issue is that I really have no idea what to say to other people, and that holds true even if I'm writing. I had to write a cover letter and a thank you letter in class and I gave up after three sentences even though it was supposed to be three paragraphs. I literally have nothing to say. Or more accurately I have nothing to add beyond the absolute minimum necessary to make a point.. What should I do?

When talking with others, asking questions about them can work well, then they do most of the talking.

When writing, think of all the aspects that could be covered, then fill them in by writing in a long winded, waffling way. Just have fun with it.

for example

"Hello cat, nice day"

"My sincerest greetings to you, my fine whiskered feline friend. What splendid, splendid hours greet us as rises the morning sun into a sky of azure blue"

 

[JamesSmith]

This was always my main problem too. I've been at parties and I just wound up standing there being bored out of my mind and feeling like a weirdo because everyone is else is talking to someone. Eventually, when I was with my friends, I told myself okay, let's thing of something to contribute to the conversation. And finally I figured out that I really don't have anything to say, even when I try to think of something. I think that if SA is bad enough, the ability to communicate with people is taken away for the most part. At least that's my problem.

 

[Lea]

I hate cover letters to employers where I have to talk about myself. Why do I need to have a great personality in order to be able to work? I find this quite silly employers need to know so much beforehand. I believe in trying the people out and either it works, or not. This is probably not so much on the topic, but anyway..

 

[kihira]

I hate cover letters to employers where I have to talk about myself. Why do I need to have a great personality in order to be able to work? I find this quite silly employers need to know so much beforehand. I believe in trying the people out and either it works, or not. This is probably not so much on the topic, but anyway..

Very valid point. How often it is that the crap worker who can talk their way in gets the job,while the quiet good worker misses out yet again

 

[honeydippedxo]

its awful not having anything to say. it makes me feel so akward and pretty stupid. and with job interviews? forget about it. i couldn't get a job to save my life. its so unfair. i have all the right qualifications and i work so hard with everything i do but my personality sucks so its like everything ive ever accomplished was for nothing. then there's people like my mom who can show up to an interview late, poorly dressed with no resume sippin on some coffee and land any job she wants. everyone in my family is so outgoing and fun. no fair! when someone talks to me my mind just goes blank. i feel like a waste of space.

 

[JamesSmith]

This is why SA is such an enormous weakness. The planet isn't made for our kind to succeed. Most employers ask for strong communication skills even when they aren't needed. I don't even want to be a gas station attendant because i know there is no way i could communicate with people over and over again like that. There are so many jobs I can't work, it's a nightmare out there. And then if you ask someone who doesn't have SA they just say "why don't u just get a job at a gas station?" It's like we are supposed to fail.

 

[Lionheart]

This is why SA is such an enormous weakness. The planet isn't made for our kind to succeed. Most employers ask for strong communication skills even when they aren't needed. I don't even want to be a gas station attendant because i know there is no way i could communicate with people over and over again like that. There are so many jobs I can't work, it's a nightmare out there. And then if you ask someone who doesn't have SA they just say "why don't u just get a job at a gas station?" It's like we are supposed to fail.

Thats very true.The people think your lazy and they dont know that this is the reason why you dont do thinks that you want,normal people just dont think deep enough to understand.

 

[Feathers]

One big issue is that I really have no idea what to say to other people, and that holds true even if I'm writing. I had to write a cover letter and a thank you letter in class and I gave up after three sentences even though it was supposed to be three paragraphs. I literally have nothing to say. Or more accurately I have nothing to add beyond the absolute minimum necessary to make a point.. What should I do?

Okay, cover letters can be difficult to write, especially if you don't know who or what you are applying to.. Maybe it helps to imagine a great job (or find a really good job ad online) and research the company (what they want etc) and pay close attention to the job ad that says what they want.. then it's easier to write.. There are lots of tips on how to write great CVs and cover letters online.. Read and research.. Yes, a lot of that stuff really works.. (Use some common sense too..)

Also for a thank you letter, 3 paragraphs seem quite a lot - you can still think of something you were or would be really thankful for and then describe it and thank for it genuinely?

About what to say to other people: it helps to get to know them and then talk about their interests or their life etc - they absolutely LOVE this and think you're a great person to talk to!!

You just need to steer conversation and pose some basic questions to start with and nod and 'uhm' and 'aha' sympathetically or recap or provide some feedback or some more questions and often they will absolutely LOVE talking to you!!

(The idea is to be mostly non-judgemental and open-minded, learn from them, build on what you both are interested in, stay away from strong judgements or disagreements or controversial issues unless absolutely necessary.. Of course stand strong on the really important things, it still helps to be diplomatic about it if you can.. Yes, you can learn being diplomatic too..)
It helps if you are genuinely interested in people.. Otherwise, try to find more interesting people or such that you have more in common with..

 

[punklove]

I agree with Ren Koutaisou.
Also the reason you may be having difficulty of thinking of what to say is because you probably feel pressured.. try to relax and let your mind wander and then you might be able to think of something to say/write

 

[Acegame]

Hey KJC, i know what you mean, because this is something i often have myself. It is getting better though. Definatly caused by SA because you get distracted by all kind of negative thoughts instead of focussing on conversating (even writing letters). You should accept that you have this problem, but its not because you are boring! That is very important to realise.

This may sound weird but you can train this on chatroulette. When i first heard about chatroulette and tried it out i felt very uncomfortable, just like talking to someone face to face. So i figured this is a nice way to train on social skills. You never have to see these people again anyway. In the beginning its hard to get a conversation going but this get easier each time. Also you will get nexted allot or people make fun of how you look, especially in the beginning because you probably look nervous. That can be very confronting but eventually you care less. Everytime you have a nice conversation with someone you get a little more confident. (try to ignore the perverts)

Btw ive written a couple of cover letters myself lately because im searching for a job. Its hard to even get one good sentence on paper sometimes. Its a bit easier when you apply for a job you like, so try to figure that out first. And like Feathers said, online you will find good instructions about how to write one. The first cover letters are a struggle but it gets easier. Just don't beat yourself up about it (thats something people with SA do to much about everytying)