Has SA made you Shallow in regards to friends?

[Tomasso]

Despite the mountain of evidence pointing to the contrary, I still feel that only cute/hot girls are worthy of my friendship.

As for men? I see two kinds of men, "guys who get girls" and "guys who don't get girls". I have tried to shake this belief for a while now but it is impossible.

I have no interest in being more than acquaintances with "guys who can't get girls". Then for "guys who get girls" I want their approval but I don't want to take the risk of becoming their friend because I feel intimidated that my lack of lady skills would be obvious, exposing my lack of masculinity.

Hence my desire to only want friendships with attractive women. They are like social currency.

As a result of this clearly fvcked up way of thinking, I have rejected every "inferior" guy's hang-out invite I have gotten since my social anxiety kicked in. It's obvious that I reject them because I don't want anybody to get close enough to see the real me. I hate the real me.

As a result I have no friends.





Anybody have a similar story they'd like to share?

 

[theslowesthand]

Being Schizoid, Avoidant, SA, shy, etc, etc .. i have great difficulty (in fact it's basically impossible) in forming "friendships" with people, male or female.
But i have found that whenevr i've come accross you know, a hottie, i almost always seem to have a temporary "abheration" in my thinking process, which results in those issues not really being much of problem anymore, & hence losing my fear of higher levels of intimacy (friendship & more). But having no real people skills, nothing has ever happened. With women i've been less attracted to, who are attracted to me, i just couldn't really be bothered trying...

 

[Kinetik]

Well I can sort of relate. I've only ever gotten close to women who are romantically or sexually interesting to me. I never had female friends because I felt it would be misleading to them - to pretend that I'm being platonic when I know full well I will want more. I can't remember ever being close with a woman where nothing romantic or sexual happened. So I never had pointless friendships or endless conversations with women for no real reason - it was always very direct and I would try to make something happen within a day or two. But I never had any super high standards in that regard. Her being attractive was generally enough for me.

As for befriending other guys, I never really did it because it took too much social energy out of me. I figured if I was going to make the effort to be sociable, which I find extremely draining, I'd at least want to be able to get lots of different things out of it (companionship, love, sex) so I only really concentrated on women. It's a bit like shopping for everything at Walmart instead of going to a hundred specialty stores.

 

[twiggle]

Despite the mountain of evidence pointing to the contrary, I still feel that only cute/hot girls are worthy of my friendship.

As for men? I see two kinds of men, "guys who get girls" and "guys who don't get girls". I have tried to shake this belief for a while now but it is impossible.

I have no interest in being more than acquaintances with "guys who can't get girls". Then for "guys who get girls" I want their approval but I don't want to take the risk of becoming their friend because I feel intimidated that my lack of lady skills would be obvious, exposing my lack of masculinity.

Hence my desire to only want friendships with attractive women. They are like social currency.

As a result of this clearly fvcked up way of thinking, I have rejected every "inferior" guy's hang-out invite I have gotten since my social anxiety kicked in. It's obvious that I reject them because I don't want anybody to get close enough to see the real me. I hate the real me.

As a result I have no friends.





Anybody have a similar story they'd like to share?

Are you saying that you feel that you only want to hang around with attractive women so that it can make you look better in front of others?!

In one sense I understand, because you have a low opinion of yourself and feel that having attractive and popular friends could raise your profile a bit and then possibly your confidence too. It really is a very shallow attitude though, and I don't think it's going to do you any favours to think that way.

Friendships are friendships, it doesn't matter what somebody looks like or how sociable they are, all that matters is the friendship itself - the connection; being there for one another, listening and understanding each other. You don't automatically get that just by hanging out with a pretty face.

I think you really need to try and shift this way of thinking and see the real meaning and beauty in friendships, then you'll see how irrelevant somebody's looks and status really are.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I don't think this has any specific connection to SA but probably has more to do with the shallowness of society and the media which often shapes our values. But I suppose it is possible that since you haven't formed any meaningful relationships with others you probably can't see that people are a lot more than what they appear to be. If you were to form connections with those you consider 'inferior', then you could look past their looks and social status and see who they really are. They are not much different and certainly not any less significant than those you deem worthy. In the end we are all human and we are all equal and thinking otherwise is not right.

If you judge people based upon shallow principles it is also likely that you will judge yourself the same way (correct me if I'm wrong). It is possible to change your values, as that's where the problem lies, it just takes a lot of consistent work. Also, thinking of 'attractive' women as social currency is very wrong and I hope you don't actually believe that.

 

[Kiwong]

No I don't think I am worthy of friends. I think that girls are better off without me attractive or not. I have a mental illness I have not lived well, no one needs that inflicted on them. Me being in a relationship would be like selling faulty goods.

 

[The Observer]

No it never did.

 

[da_illest101]

Well I'm somewhat like that, just that I really don't care about the type of girl, but it has to be a girl. Except for the male friends that I have since I was younger, I never tried to become friends with other guys. I'm more looking for a potential mate than a potential friend that's why I never had interest in guys to begin with

 

[Gaucho]

hi everyone. this is my first pot after reading for like 1 month everyday.

Yes I'm like this, my subconscious makes me think like that, every time i realize that I'm thinking like that in a specific situation , i hate myself. I really hate myself for being thinking this way , but i can't control it. Probably because i realized tht making friends with other guys who don't have friends, or don't even have the same interests as me, doesn't improve the situation, as you will complain together about the world(lol thats a a bit exaggerated).
And with about the girls.. its more or less the same.
I started university and have 0 friends so far, and pretty sure it will stay like this because my SA kicked in really bad again(what sometimes is gone) and my depression, going so far that i don't leave my room. what a waste of life I'm.