NightTimeForever
Well-known member
And by fears, I mean of course "social phobia" but also more specifically fears of intimate relationships. I just wonder what the success rate is.
Has anyone here overcome their fears?
- Thread starter NightTimeForever
- Start date
Carol
Well-known member
I doubt that people who overcome their fears completely continue to use this website.
I go through seasons when I feel like I'm doing very well. I typically don't use this website when I'm feeling good. I started using it a few years ago but sometimes I don't log on for several months at a time. I've also noticed that most of the people who were using this website when I joined don't seem to be using it now. Which COULD mean that those people don't feel like they need it anymore because they're doing better.
I go through seasons when I feel like I'm doing very well. I typically don't use this website when I'm feeling good. I started using it a few years ago but sometimes I don't log on for several months at a time. I've also noticed that most of the people who were using this website when I joined don't seem to be using it now. Which COULD mean that those people don't feel like they need it anymore because they're doing better.
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AimeeSP
Well-known member
I never used to think i'd get over social phobia, and i still believe i never will cause it's become a part of who i am. The difference with me now and how i used to be a few years back is instead of social phobia being in control of me i'm now in control of it. 
Over the past year i've managed to change my thinking, the 5 years of CBT i had has finally made sense and stuck with me. I used to fear public transport now i get at least 4 buses each week because i now volunteer at a charity shop which i wouldn't have done even 4/5 months back.
As for relationships, i wont be going there again for a long time.
Over the past year i've managed to change my thinking, the 5 years of CBT i had has finally made sense and stuck with me. I used to fear public transport now i get at least 4 buses each week because i now volunteer at a charity shop which i wouldn't have done even 4/5 months back. As for relationships, i wont be going there again for a long time.
Deus_Ex_Lemur
Well-known member
Sadly prob not that... but I know ppl do leave when they think they've done enough which is a shame, should use your experience to help even more so then.
Don't discount overcoming little fears also - everything builds. I overcame my fear of driving when I was 19; which was a result of deeper fears which connect to social anxiety, aka low self esteem, not trusting myself, negative, etc. But slowly and by doing it enough - it's so habitual and fun, sure going new places or hectic city driving like S.F I dont look forward to but yeah...
facing/conquering or CONTROLLING a fear like that should be used as experiential proof overcoming the big bad - SA - or whatever it is for you - is VERY possible.
tripmywire
Member
This is a good topic. When I was a teenager I had severe social phobia and panic attacks and had to be taken out of school. It kinda disconnected me from the real world and hindered my progress as a young adult.
Looking back as an adult (27) now, what I was afraid of then was the wrong thing to have been afraid of. I remember walking through the crowded halls and just fearing the other kids, of confrontation or being bullied.
The worst thing that could have happened was losing face or being embarrassed in front of a lot of people. But instead I withdrew from society and in reality THAT was way worse for me in the long run. I became envious of "normal people" outside my window. Life sucked then.
I missed out on a lot of experiences like prom and parties. Once I got to community college things were better, but only after I realized that I literally had to FACE my fears and not avoid them.
What's the worst that could happen? I found out the worst that could happen was being cut off from society by my own choosing. So each anxiety ridden moment was
looked squarely in the eye. In speech class I would volunteer for group leader or speaker knowing that if I was allowed to fade in to the background I would do just that and things would never change. Once I would face a fear (like public speaking) It was such a relief and I remember thinking "This isn't so bad after all." I met a really good boyfriend in college because I spoke to him first (he was shy like me), asking him something really banal like "How do you like this new campus?" and then it went from there.
I don't know if my experience will help anybody. Learning to say "eh whatever, f*** it" at embarrassing social moments and not over analyzing them until I went crazy really helped me. Life has it's ups and downs, but It's not supposed to be all downs. Most of the up moments have come by my initiative.
It's like that movie "what about bob." Bob's psychiatrist tells him take baby steps to overcome his anxiety. Now I realize with each customer I talk to or look in the eye, or stranger I say "What's up with this rain?" to, or chance I take that little by little I can overcome my fears.
Looking back as an adult (27) now, what I was afraid of then was the wrong thing to have been afraid of. I remember walking through the crowded halls and just fearing the other kids, of confrontation or being bullied.
The worst thing that could have happened was losing face or being embarrassed in front of a lot of people. But instead I withdrew from society and in reality THAT was way worse for me in the long run. I became envious of "normal people" outside my window. Life sucked then.
I missed out on a lot of experiences like prom and parties. Once I got to community college things were better, but only after I realized that I literally had to FACE my fears and not avoid them.
What's the worst that could happen? I found out the worst that could happen was being cut off from society by my own choosing. So each anxiety ridden moment was
looked squarely in the eye. In speech class I would volunteer for group leader or speaker knowing that if I was allowed to fade in to the background I would do just that and things would never change. Once I would face a fear (like public speaking) It was such a relief and I remember thinking "This isn't so bad after all." I met a really good boyfriend in college because I spoke to him first (he was shy like me), asking him something really banal like "How do you like this new campus?" and then it went from there.
I don't know if my experience will help anybody. Learning to say "eh whatever, f*** it" at embarrassing social moments and not over analyzing them until I went crazy really helped me. Life has it's ups and downs, but It's not supposed to be all downs. Most of the up moments have come by my initiative.
It's like that movie "what about bob." Bob's psychiatrist tells him take baby steps to overcome his anxiety. Now I realize with each customer I talk to or look in the eye, or stranger I say "What's up with this rain?" to, or chance I take that little by little I can overcome my fears.
Kathryn.fr
Well-known member
Yesterday I got on a crowded street train, because I was hungry and tired of packing around a 20lb back pack. I got on, had a little bit of anxiety someone looked like, directly at my eyes. Made a fist and breathed for about 30 seconds and it was good. I think I'm doing pretty good. I did have to take the greyhound home for 2 1/2 hours and the bus was late and I had kind of a crazy episode outside the station but I collected myself.
I've overcome a lot of fears but i still struggle, which is why i'm here
Specifically, i used to have fear of saying 'hello' to people i work with. I'd been working with them for literally years, passing their desks every morning, but i never said hello because i was too scared. These days, i get up from my desk and approach my workmates and just chat to them for fun, and i have no fear at all in doing this. Yay!
I was also terrified of getting intimate with a man. At 35 I was still a virgin. But I've managed to overcome that fear too which is a huge big deal to me. I'm pretty happy with my progress, but i still have moments when i agonise about sending chat messages to my friends in case they don't want to hear from me, and stuff like that.
Specifically, i used to have fear of saying 'hello' to people i work with. I'd been working with them for literally years, passing their desks every morning, but i never said hello because i was too scared. These days, i get up from my desk and approach my workmates and just chat to them for fun, and i have no fear at all in doing this. Yay!
I was also terrified of getting intimate with a man. At 35 I was still a virgin. But I've managed to overcome that fear too which is a huge big deal to me. I'm pretty happy with my progress, but i still have moments when i agonise about sending chat messages to my friends in case they don't want to hear from me, and stuff like that.
tripmywire
Member
Hey armadillo I agree about the sending chat messages, fear of rejection thing too.
Overcome fears every day. Not just the large fears exist. Small as well exist.
simpsons2007
Well-known member
No. I know that I will probably never overcome my fears because thats the way I am and will probably be this way for the rest of my life. But I am trying not to give up hope that one day I will be able to manage my fears better and have a happier life.