I left my last job because my social anxiety along with ostracism, isolation, etc. got too much for me to bear. I'm currently looking for another job and I get anxious every time I think about whether I will be comfortable and if people will like me. I work in Accounts Payable/Finance. I do my job very well but after about a month things go downhill because I don't socialize. It's ok to be quiet when you're new but soon people expect you to socialize. Then there are the dreadful holiday party's or office pot lucks or meeting up after work for drinks. I try to avoid all of these things and soon I begin to stick out like a sore thumb. This condition is ruining my career and you can only come up with so many excuses as to why you left your previous job. Most of the time, I wish I could just stay in my house and never come out. I am so tired of feeling like this.
Hard trying to keep a job
- Thread starter LRP
- Start date
I was in the same situation as you. I have no advice and will not try to give you one because I am lost.
I was at McD's as a cook and the crowd is like over extroverted and got to the point that people were zeroing in on my quietness. I had to quit because since cliques formed and I was part of no one's clique I would be ousted.
The summer before I went to college, I worked at McDonalds and once they put me on the registers, I was finished. I could not deal with all the customers. The restaurant was full of customers and I screwed up somebody's order. This man was very angry with me and started yelling. I was so embarrassed. I quit that day and later got a job working in a factory on an assembly line. I actually felt more comfortable because there was no pressure to socialize and most of the people were so much older than me, that it just looked normal for me not to say much. Back then, I didn't know what a social phobia was. I got diagnosed in my second year of college.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Oh, I sooooo know how you feel! Pretty much every job I've had has been this way. I worked in Finance most of my career and people in this field are not the quiet little "bean counters" who have their noses to the grindstone that they'd seem to be! I switched to the medical field thinking people who work as caregivers to others would be extra kind and pleasant to work with but unfortunately this is not always so! I'm trying to be more sociable, but it's not easy. I feel your pain, LRP!
Sora
Well-known member
I feel the same and I don't really go out that much unless it's for work. I just got told yesterday that I will eventually be trained on tills and I can not do that. I have done well to do what I do now but I can not do till work. It would be the case of getting another job, I can get over a lot of things but not this. Some people are just not meant to do customer service, this is so clear to me but the world...well that world is stupid and generalises everything, not everyone can do everything so people who are clearly not working on tills should not be made to work on tills.
Weird that you posted this after yesterday, and me hearing about this. Ah the Universe, what an amazing thing it is lol.
I guess there is nothing you can do except find a job where it will never be till stuff, if they require me to do till stuff I will be leaving. I work as a supermarket assistant, originally on nights but now do day shifts.
My social anxiety is through the roof sometimes, just on the shop floor. Just doing simple things but I can manage it and the more I do the better I get but I can not be in one place surrounded by tons of strangers and having to interact with them, at least on shop floor I am constantly moving. I know that sounds strange but it makes a difference.
I hope you find something, I've always liked the thought of night jobs or a warehouse job for the shear fact you will be left alone and don't have to socialise much. I don't actually mind socialising a little bit but definitely will never go to parties or anything - that is just weird to me but to the rest of the world it is "normal" and if you don't do it your "boring" or "weird" and they never shut up asking why are you not coming? so I know what you feel there but don't let it bother you just say no and say u don't enjoy that and prefer to do your own thing. Chances are they will never get it, some people can only see one side but just leave them to it
Weird that you posted this after yesterday, and me hearing about this. Ah the Universe, what an amazing thing it is lol.
I guess there is nothing you can do except find a job where it will never be till stuff, if they require me to do till stuff I will be leaving. I work as a supermarket assistant, originally on nights but now do day shifts.
My social anxiety is through the roof sometimes, just on the shop floor. Just doing simple things but I can manage it and the more I do the better I get but I can not be in one place surrounded by tons of strangers and having to interact with them, at least on shop floor I am constantly moving. I know that sounds strange but it makes a difference.
I hope you find something, I've always liked the thought of night jobs or a warehouse job for the shear fact you will be left alone and don't have to socialise much. I don't actually mind socialising a little bit but definitely will never go to parties or anything - that is just weird to me but to the rest of the world it is "normal" and if you don't do it your "boring" or "weird" and they never shut up asking why are you not coming? so I know what you feel there but don't let it bother you just say no and say u don't enjoy that and prefer to do your own thing. Chances are they will never get it, some people can only see one side but just leave them to it
Why are you listening to these people telling you to avoid these situations even more? Maybe that will help in the short term but in long term you have to find a real solution. Please get help, there are many, free 24/7 hotlines in almost every county/state and country. You can set up a plan or just let out your feelings to someone, and they will care (that's why they chose that job).
There are many ways to get professional help, and they specialize in people who struggle with things like Social Anxiety Disorder. Please get help. You don't have to like this, no matter what anyone suggests or says.
There are many ways to get professional help, and they specialize in people who struggle with things like Social Anxiety Disorder. Please get help. You don't have to like this, no matter what anyone suggests or says.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
^^ I don't think we're telling her to avoid the situation - just sympathizing with her. I'm trying my best to be more social with my co-workers because it's to my benefit to do so, but it's not easy! I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to find a job which is more suited to your personality traits either. Yes, you're going to have to interact with people in most jobs, but someone with SA going for a sales job doesn't really make sense either!
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Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
I know how you feel too 
However I managed to survive at the same job since more than 1 year for the first time in my life and I think people kind of appreciate me at some level or at least tolerate me well enough, so I'm going to try some advice:
Next time you get hired somewhere, try to not avoid social events in the beginning. You can avoid it later when they got to know you. I think going to the drinks after work the first couple of times they ask you to shows your good will - once they figure out that it's not your thing at all, they won't mind if you stop going, I think.
Just saying "hey" and/or smiling when you pass someone in the hallway or when you arrive in the morning makes a huge difference.
Be open to someone who is trying to engage a conversation. It doesn't really matter if you suck at it, the point is that you're trying. Anyway you're there to work, not to talk, so as long as you're nice, friendly, cooperative, good at what you do and that you try to communicate once in a while, it should be ok.
I have no idea if this is going to help you :idontknow: but but I hope so :/
However I managed to survive at the same job since more than 1 year for the first time in my life and I think people kind of appreciate me at some level or at least tolerate me well enough, so I'm going to try some advice:
Next time you get hired somewhere, try to not avoid social events in the beginning. You can avoid it later when they got to know you. I think going to the drinks after work the first couple of times they ask you to shows your good will - once they figure out that it's not your thing at all, they won't mind if you stop going, I think.
Just saying "hey" and/or smiling when you pass someone in the hallway or when you arrive in the morning makes a huge difference.
Be open to someone who is trying to engage a conversation. It doesn't really matter if you suck at it, the point is that you're trying. Anyway you're there to work, not to talk, so as long as you're nice, friendly, cooperative, good at what you do and that you try to communicate once in a while, it should be ok.
I have no idea if this is going to help you :idontknow: but but I hope so :/
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WishingICould
Well-known member
With all due respect, you don't have SA so you have no idea how hard it is. You cannot just force yourself to do certain things. Not unless you want to have a panic attack.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
As difficult as it is, I think you're right about these things! I made the mistake of not going out to drinks when I was invited in the beginning and now don't get invited much anymore (not that I really want to go, but still). I did get invited to go out to a karoke thing the other night and really should have tried to go, but for once I did actually have plans the next day which I had to get up early for, so I declined. Next time I'm going to try and go though.
I'm really bad about saying "hello" to everyone when I get to work too, or saying "goodnight" to everyone when I leave. I think it's because I don't like all the attention focused my way. But, for some reason I'm good at greeting other people when they arrive or saying goodbye when they leave. I've improved some as I've become more comfortable with my co-workers though. I'm just a huge work-in-progress, lol!
Sora
Well-known member
I don't understand all you people saying just do it, u have to try blaa blaa blaa, why? why does the poster have to socialise? I don't have to and if I don't want to I won't or I will do very little of it and I am fine with only socialising when I want to. There is nothing wrong with not socialising. I go to work to do just that...WORK
Society is broken, don't feel you have to go down to that level, if you want to socialise then by all means try it but don't feels pressured into doing it.
Society is broken, don't feel you have to go down to that level, if you want to socialise then by all means try it but don't feels pressured into doing it.
SilentAndShy
Well-known member
SA wrecked one of my graduate jobs that I was so chuffed to get. It was in a big office environment where the extroverted, assertive personalities existed. My SA just got worse, feeling so uncomfortable that I left before I was pushed. My recent job in a call centre ended because the job got so frustrating, more so that I was struggling that I hacked it in. Back to square one. But hoping to try and push things forward by assessing my strengths (writing) and putting them to use.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Because some of us need to keep our jobs, and in order to do so, we have to try our best to "go with the flow". Believe me, I'd rather just go to work and keep to myself too. But, life isn't always how we want it to be!
tempelton
Member
I've moved around in jobs a lot over the years, never staying longer than 2 years at anything really (until my current job). It is definitely tough dealing with holidays and parties etc (along with the 'tyranny' of the well intentioned but utterly clueless extroverts, who demand to know why you are not joining them in their revelry!) But, sooner or later, you do get lucky in a job, by finding the right one - with the right environment, circumstances and mixture of people (quirky is best!)
Hang in there and keep searching (without making a total mess of your resume obviously!) I managed to find a good job in the end, with just the right people (all of whom know, to varying degrees, about my anxiety and who cater very well to it), and so I've been here for five years now and counting. I promise that it can be done!
Hang in there and keep searching (without making a total mess of your resume obviously!) I managed to find a good job in the end, with just the right people (all of whom know, to varying degrees, about my anxiety and who cater very well to it), and so I've been here for five years now and counting. I promise that it can be done!
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
I second that... Not everyone has the chance of having a boss and a team who doesn't care about our social skills and how we contribute or not to the "good vibes" in the office or whatever
I've moved around in jobs a lot over the years, never staying longer than 2 years at anything really (until my current job). It is definitely tough dealing with holidays and parties etc (along with the 'tyranny' of the well intentioned but utterly clueless extroverts, who demand to know why you are not joining them in their revelry!) But, sooner or later, you do get lucky in a job, by finding the right one - with the right environment, circumstances and mixture of people (quirky is best!)
Hang in there and keep searching (without making a total mess of your resume obviously!) I managed to find a good job in the end, with just the right people (all of whom know, to varying degrees, about my anxiety and who cater very well to it), and so I've been here for five years now and counting. I promise that it can be done!
Thank you, this is very encouraging.
Sora
Well-known member
:S you can not be fired for not socialising at work...it's harder than you think to get fired...or at least that is how it is here.
I never socialise or go to party things and I am doing fine. I talk to people when they talk to me but I have never done anything outside of work yet and when someone asked me I straight up said No, and they never had a problem with it, they did ask why but I just blanked them as they slowly moved onto the next thing to say
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Richey
Well-known member
I agree with this. I'll say why. Even though i do find 1-2 people to talk to and i will try to help people with work related stuff. One of the loudest guys at work doesnt go out much. He likes movies and isn't into parties at all and he's the funny louder type (so alot of things don't make sense). There is one guy who says the one liners every so often but is mostly quiet..so there is a wide variety at work of different personas but not that much judging. The only gossip is about work politics usually. Like "Did you hear such and such said this". ....Or "such and such is a bit slow" ....
So i think it is possible to be quiet or loud. actually alot of employers prefer the quieter types who don't question everything and chip away at things. the louder ones are also seen as good because they are sort of pseudo managers when the managers aren't around.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Well, I worked at a major tech company where you were required to go on company outings and would get marked down on your review if you didn't. And, when it comes down to times where jobs are outsourced or there is a downsizing, who do you think are the ones to go? Being social is a huge part of how things work in the tech industry where I live - and the primary reason why I left it!
Sounds like you've just been lucky!
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Sora
Well-known member
Sounds like the wrong job to me then as I have just been kept on where I work and I don't interact anywhere near as much with staff as others do. Out of choice I keep quiet and keep working.
At the end of the day if a company picks someone who talks more over someone who works more then they are a stupid company. I go to work to work, unlike half the lazy people in this generation.
I talk now and then but not much and when I do it's mostly work related questions or when we have to wait for something.
I'd rather lose my job and find another job that keeps you on based on WORK not social stuff. That is just stupid and I'd rather lose my job than have to give in to that pressure.
I find it hard to believe this happens today though as they have to cater for all kinds of things now but then again the real world is stupid...