Steppen-Wolf
Well-known member
Albeit quite a lonely one. Didn't actually talk to anyone today, just went to class, did some shoping, some cleaning and that was about it.
It doesn't really bother me all that much, at least not more than any other random day. But since it's my B-Day I at least want to get a few things off my mind, it's been a while since I've done so.
A few weeks ago I decided to ditch my old online "friends" since they were nothing but a placebo for my issues. True life for me exists only in the real world now. At least now I have a lot of courage and I've actually tried to make friends with this girl I really like and admire... but damn, it's been a difficult experience in many ways since I don't know how to interpret many things.
Sometimes it seems like she may like me but sometimes I can't help but to think that she's just being nice to me like she's to everyone else and that I'm just giving myself false hope. I really wish there was someone who could tell me what to do about it, should I stop trying so much to get close to her?, should I just keep doing it and hope for the best?, are those "signs" I've seen real or is my mind just seeing what it wants to see?, it's so frustrating not knowing the answer to any of that.
One way or another my SA has improved a lot in the last few years, I can talk to people in a more or less normal way, I'm not overly anxious but I do feel so... tired and unable to focus. I just constantly feel this emotional void that I want to fill up so badly but I know that I must be patient and hope that some day I find the way to do so, because desperation never helps.
I know I should be proud of everything I've done, how much I've changed, but it all feels meaningless unless I can get that reward... an honest and caring hug.
Oh well, tomorrow will be another day... and the struggle will go on.
It doesn't really bother me all that much, at least not more than any other random day. But since it's my B-Day I at least want to get a few things off my mind, it's been a while since I've done so.
A few weeks ago I decided to ditch my old online "friends" since they were nothing but a placebo for my issues. True life for me exists only in the real world now. At least now I have a lot of courage and I've actually tried to make friends with this girl I really like and admire... but damn, it's been a difficult experience in many ways since I don't know how to interpret many things.
Sometimes it seems like she may like me but sometimes I can't help but to think that she's just being nice to me like she's to everyone else and that I'm just giving myself false hope. I really wish there was someone who could tell me what to do about it, should I stop trying so much to get close to her?, should I just keep doing it and hope for the best?, are those "signs" I've seen real or is my mind just seeing what it wants to see?, it's so frustrating not knowing the answer to any of that.
One way or another my SA has improved a lot in the last few years, I can talk to people in a more or less normal way, I'm not overly anxious but I do feel so... tired and unable to focus. I just constantly feel this emotional void that I want to fill up so badly but I know that I must be patient and hope that some day I find the way to do so, because desperation never helps.
I know I should be proud of everything I've done, how much I've changed, but it all feels meaningless unless I can get that reward... an honest and caring hug.
Oh well, tomorrow will be another day... and the struggle will go on.
