Guideline for Bullying Victims - Facing Reality

Honda

Well-known member
Im back here to give you people something to think about. I have started again Maui Thai classes, filled my time in life with work and various activities and started to maintain dsicipline aswell. I have to say I have never been this strong and confident ever in life. I discovered that I had the control and choice in shaping myself and world around me and never took the initiative and now i just did. Its not easy but worthwhile & its better late than never..

1. I have to say that "survival of the fittest" is a very true thing and by fittest it doesnt mean necessarily the strongest or smartest.. Life has a good and an evil part as well. You have accept reality and work on managing yourself; finding ways to survive things by accepting and working on your strengths and weaknesses. Its a life long project. Confidence is something that requires hardwork aswell, it doesnt come just like that.. Champions lost their glorious confidence because they got too cocky, too illusioned or just took things to easy.

2. Bullies and evil doers will always be there whatsoever their reasons or agenda.. They will try to hurt people unless you show them a limit and do what it takes to stop them or else they will always target you. Keep your head up no matter what. We are humans, we do mistakes and we all got strengths and weakness. But we also have a choice and an ability to change and sculpt ourselves to better adapt to and survive this world.

3. Discipline, hardwork and challenge is the only way to go up no matter what. Dont jump too high at first.. Be Paitent, take it slow and start gradually pushing yourself harder.. It will never stop even if you reach that super level you should keep going ahead as long as you live.. Have a passion in life and use your heart.. Fight and counter your lazines and fear as its the only way to survive. Some people are better than others in this but we all have the potential to mould ourselves, like i said before.. You must always fill your life with things to do and challenges, never keep yourself unoccupied. There is alot more in life to see and experience..

4. Independence. Try to be self sufficient; thise doesnt mean you leave your parents house and move out alone.. Ive seen people devastate themselves by doing this. Have the tolerance to bear them and co-exist with them no matter how imperfect they are. Make goals and plans for the future and work yourself on finding out and doing things that make you reach closer to your goals. Keep your passion alive.. Plan, Plan, Plan and Think, Think, Think!! Working hard on these is the 1st step in taking action.

5. Dont blame! If your parents didnt teach you to be a man or if you're one of those unlucky people in life then it is up to you to get yourself out of this mess. Blaming things on others or on life wont do a thing. Nobody is the same.. Yes, some people are really lucky in life and got it all while others lived a life full of misery... But nobody can live with what isnt right and people will do what it takes to survive and stand of what they believe in or get drowned in this vortex of misery, pain and fear of not taking action.. You're hurting already might aswell take action and make a stand..

6. Be wise and responsible. Asses the risks involved dont be stupid and just jump into things randomly. Think!!

7. Kill the Ego.. Dont let ego control your decisions in life. Be good dont try to look like you're good.. And dont be a d1ck to prove for people you're something. The last thing you want to do is seek other people's approval. Build yourself for your own sake and people will come to notice you without doing anything..

I hope this is good stuff to go through. Cuz no new age medication, doctors or therapies will ever do anything for you. Its all about you and what you do about yourself and life.. They just want to drive you crazier and make money out of you, trust me nothing is wrong with you were just humans..
 
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Honda

Well-known member
I am taking Maui Thai classes for the past month so far after years of sitting on my fat a** at home.. I have to say I want to keep doing this for a lifetime and possibly learn jujitsu and some mma... It boosted my confidence big time.. I feel like im more confident in standing up talking to people and even apporaching conflict it if ever happens.. I've been sitting with people discussing things about fighting, dating, life, etc to understand things better in life after staying socially isolated for years.. You have to start taking steps slowly.. It needs time but its worth it.. I hope im helping and encouraging people by posting all this stuff... I really would like to help.. I am also reading a dating book which is helping me understand females better; makes it easier to deal with them..
My Maui Thai instructor is a world champion and he is always getting in fights on the street with random idiots and bullies.. He is very confident person but he worked alot to reach this level and he is an inspirational mentor..
 
OP sounds like a Jet Li movie script, but martial arts are nor as useful as we use to believe, because in a real situation have influence a lot of not-controlled factors, like be attacked by surprise, getting nervous, or facing more than one enemy. I bet you are an amateur excited with what is beginning to learn, but that's normal when somebody starts off with something new. I do shito ryu karate every week and I know that feeling of being almost invincible, but with the passing of time you'll realize that all what you learn at the dojo doesn't work IRL if you're are not a badass street fighter or something. One year ago I was mugged by a gang of three muslims, and I was defeated although I fought them back bravely, or at least I tried (
icon_lol.gif
). There's a little difference between saying and doing.

Moreover, to defend yourself from bullies and annoying people what you have to do is learn from them and know how to be like them in order to make them taste a dose of their own medicine. Not learning to fight, but learning to humiliate them laughing at them saying things you know will hurt their feelings pissing them off. Forget fair play, with this kind of people is absolutely useless, even counterproductive, because they will interpret your intgretity as profitable weakness. At my school, I was a victim, the most unpopular retarded guy in the playground, everybody treated me like shit; but at the secondary school, I tasted for the first time the delicious pleasure of revenge, becoming a predator for my ancient stalkers. Suffering is the best master in life, and revenge a pleasure reserved for the wise.

YouTube - Mozart: Marriage of Figaro Glyndebourne 1990 Bartolo's aria La vendetta


Maybe someday I'll open up to you about how to put bullies on their knees in another thread. They deserve it.



PS: Good luck with your lessons.
 
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Feathers

Well-known member
Honda, great post! :)

I love it how you started making constructive changes in your life!!

I agree that martial arts can be great for building confidence etc. and to be more fit and have better posture etc. some cool people there too..
Please don't rely on them too much tho. Have you watched the movie Karate Kid? Of course you probably did. Other great masters of martial arts often say the best way is to avoid a fight at all too...!! So, you learn to observe the world differently, keep people at a leg's distance, in certain situations... (so you can kick) etc. Knowing the moves is good, best is to not have to use them at all..

I don't think it's good if a dojo master goes into street fights all the time.. maybe he's still young and needs to prove his ego, or 'advertise' the dojo? (or is he a bouncer in a club/on sports events?) while he may teach you a lot, do learn from people who know how to use martial arts, but don't use them often...
Also waitresses or more 'peaceful' bouncers can have some useful tips on how to deal with drunk/violent people/bullies..

Hamelech, sorry to hear you got mugged.. Revenge can be dangerous though, if you take it too far.. And why would you want to be like your bullies/predators?? :(
Isn't the idea to be on a higher level than anyone like that? To rise above the troubles and just live your life FOR YOU?
Sarcasm or pissing people off can be a bit dangerous at times too.. So don't advise everyone to do that.. If you insulted those muggers or made them angry I don't think it would be good...? Situations and people can be different and different things may work...
Ignoring people or using humor/comedy can help, you have to know what you're doing, approximately..

Sometimes, it's good if you can make those other people admire you, or kinda 'make friends' or at least 'respectful allies/enemies' outta them (that's advanced tactics, I guess..) I've seen it happen.. (if there's a common 'enemy'/bigger plan or something..) Though I don't necessarily recommend it either..

I don't think just belittling people is a good answer.. Karma says what goes around, comes around.. They will probably get their lessons in life anyway...

I like #6 be wise and responsible :)
 

panicsurvivor

Well-known member
HA!! Awesome Honda. Why MT? LOL. That is the most brutal martial art out there. Don't get me wrong I am not opposed, far from it. MT sheds a lot of the bull**** that doesn't work that they teach you in other styles and it really focus's on kicking some serious ass. One of my teachers who taught me a lot of different styles, taught me some MT. He wanted me to condition my shins!!!! I did this later in Kenpo with my forearms and elbows. I smashed them up against wooden beams and metal support struts. It was incredibly painful but it worked. LOL. But I drew the line at my shins. He wanted me to condition my shins like that!!!!:eek::eek: No way! I don't know if they are going to ask you to do that where you are training but if you do it, you are tougher than me. Good luck. Training to fight is one of the funnest and fulfilling things that I have done in my life. If you stick with it you won't be dissapointed. :D:cool:
 

Honda

Well-known member
Im not saying that we should jump on the streets and start beating the crap out of everyone.. I agree with the fact that some situations are hopless and you will not be able to do much about it & im sorry about the situation you got into Hamelech..

But sometimes in some situations some people try to make a show of aggression and need to be put right where they should be.. When people see you have a tough build and a sense of confidence their reaction and perception of you changes.. Respect and leverage kind of stuff.. My master just has this hate for those wana be tough bullies that hit on girls thinking they are cool and stuff.. He's most of his time in night clubs and bars and on rare occasions gets into a fight.. Dont get me wrong he is respectful, diplomatic and non-egoistic person; he knows its wrong and that its inapropriate to do such stuff and tells you to avoid trouble.. As a matter of fact were mixing some mma techniques in our training lately which im having a hard time doing..

Where I live, street fights and mugging are almost impossible but you'd mostly end up fighting with someone at a club or a bar for hitting on your girl..

Its just I dont want be the same coward that puts himself in the position of being a victim just like I used to be in school.. I want to live with and accept, fear, nervousness, hesistation and such. It has been diffuclt and whats more difficult is the fact i did not take the initative to take action earlier in life as im 23 now. I definietly dont want to repeat the experience of being a fearful coward no matter what.. I can see that my dojo senses this kind of weakness in me sometimes but I try to show him that im worth training and working on as he assumes that finds it ok to oneday take me for an amatuer fight in the future..

I agree with all of you guys; you make alot of valid points there, thank you.. Im going to be paitent and keep pushing myself ahead; nothing better to do in life for the meantime aside from work at the office as i dont see any friends or any girls.. Plus, Im taking some salsa classes aswell for the past 2 months so far looks promising..
 
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Not sure i agree with your methods but i sure understand them,many times i have thought what it would be like to see my attackers suffer but the truth is i'm not like them and nor do i wish to be.The danger is you become the bully.
 

AGR

Well-known member
Good,I also picked up boxing again,its been 7 months its a huge confidence booster,dont want to think of confrontation outside of the ring or get in a huge argument here,its only a hobby,but yes muay thai is useful because it has full contact sparring,of course nothing is usefull against knifes,a lot of oponents(it really depends on who they are),but it helps to keep controled in hard situations and conditions your body.
 

Honda

Well-known member
I dont seek any fights or ask for trouble on the street and thats not my intention but knowing that you can physically deal with some situation makes you more confident in verbally confronting it as its a confidence booster... I hope you got what im trying to say..

Well Its been 3 months now on my new style of life, every month i feel more
confident than the one before.. I still get scared, anxious and worried of the same things yet I feel like I have more control and management on these now... I am no longer being affected by negativities as much as I used to in the past... Im still finding it hard to approach women as I feel I dont have the sufficient 'knowledge' when it comes to dealing with them... Im trying to make an approach or two but Its still hard yet my mind starts thinking of trying stuff, talking to people and confront some of my fears almost all the time... Dont get me wrong I do lag behind every now and then but just push myself again to keep up.. I am doing mistakes and i do feel embarrased of them yet get over them really easy and learn alot from them now...

Let me see how things go from this stage on but all is moving forward so far..
 
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Vlogger

New member
Hi Honda, I totally agree with you! It's good to be prepared and take a stand against bullies when necessary, just like that high school boy Casey Haynes did. Although its true, you cant walk around trying to be a bully vigilante. If bully victims don't take a stand, who will?
 
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I wonder if ideally bystanders should be taking a stand against the bullying instead of standing around watching and videoing it, one girl stepped in between the two after the retaliation happened? Allowing incidents to escalate to violence leaves open the possibility of serious, permanent injuries happening, bad for the victim and the bully. Would the Casey incident be viewed if the bully had landed on and broken his neck?
 
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Honda

Well-known member
^ Yes, very true but people and society should take a stand against fights and bullying.. People live a very comfortable lives nowadays in many places around the world and they forget what conflict is about and usually will avoid it and runaway from it.. Its important to accept that not only crossing the line is wrong but also allowing other people to cross the line is also wrong...

Last thursday, we walked out of a night club and there was this big drunk muscluar guy which was screaming on another guy which just beat up that big guy for making fun of his goatie and insulting him, fair enough.. The big guy was yelling and screaming and then he started walking towards the goatie guy to fight again with him; suddenly, one skinny asian valet parking guy ran towards the big guy and started holding him back, the big guy pushed him away and the poor asian guy fell on the floor and broke his leg... We later on walked towards the big guy to stop him but he just turned back to see how stupid he was to hurt the innocent asian guy who was trying to neutralize stuff.. He was a stupid bully that caused so much damage that he injured a guy, probably permanently and got his ass to prison... There should never be bystanders to allow chaois guy to continue his chaos; the asian guy was doing the noble thing yet was too small to handle the task and i pray his injury wasnt dangerous...

I got scared from the big guy's behaviour but was stupid to listen to my fears as i assume i can handle a drunk idiot like him but even if you're scared you have to do something about it. A second later, I saw my friend walk to hold him back and i decided I should help him out and not stand there and watch like an idiot before this guy does more chaos or even hurts more people...

People like and are used to comfort and easy life yet they should never forget the brutalities of life and the impact of their actions/behaviour on life and society in general..

Dont let the guilt control you but do not deny or forget that pain as its you're drive to move ahead and become a better person in life..
Society needs to overhaul its outdated 'bystander' codes and face and control the fears, pain and negativities of life not run away from them...
 

Honda

Well-known member
The idea is as follows... And it applies to almost anything.. If you think alot about it, you will never do it... Yes plan before but never thing when doing things..

The more you think, the more you hesitate, the more you start avoiding the situation...

Sometimes i sink into depression for an hr or two but i just stop thinking about it and everything is fine... Things go back in order and i move ahead cuz when my mind is clear i notice that i achieve alot of things..
 

Honda

Well-known member
Its every bullying victims duty:
Bullied Sydney teenager Casey Heynes is fighting back, joining forces with NRL boxing trainer | thetelegraph.com.au

Either you sit back or fight back:
Boxers who were bullied? - Boxing Forum

Nobody come and tell me that fighting back is stupid and immature... Go ahead and take insults while you're sitting quiet and tell me how it feels.. I wish I joined boxing when I was in high school and kicked every bastard's ass.. Now im going back to training and I want to train hard just to feel satisfied that nobody can have anything on me... To know that I am strong enough and feel good about it and even help future victims get over it..

Either you sit and get sucked in misery and defeat or you fight it back, in both cases its hard work, might aswell pick the more productive path..
 

Honda

Well-known member
Re: BULLYING - My Life Far (Recommend you Read)

Its my 8 month boxing training. I was never focused on my career, life, fitness and future like I am today..

I have changed alot, physically, mentally, etc.. Alot has changed.. I have no friends or life I barely see people except in work and boxing gym..

I dont feel bad about it, because I know I am building something out of myself and I am proud.

I am no longer afraid of many situations, I have got over alot of fears and now I know that there is no excuses for not getting where you want. I will keep doing this for the rest of my life.

I am even going back to college next year to continue studies. Hopefully I will meet new people there.

Its just a matter of taking the 1st step regardless of how scared you are from facing certain social situations, people, etc.. Think about finding out what would be waiting for you on the other side..

Social Phobia is pure crap, just an excuse to stay where you are.. We all got issues and its a matter of how we live with it and progress in life because there is never such as thing as peace of mind, nothing.. Just life and you gotta live it and know that you are doing what it takes to get somewhere..

I hope you all agree with me and follow a path similar to mine. I have suffered alot because I chose to suck it up rather than face it..

Final, thought, always surround yourself with positive and productive people.. The people I met in my boxing gym aged (12-28) are amazing people that really changed my attitude and personality.. They are noble, respectful and productive.. I enjoy their company and so do they..

Bless You All and Best of Luck. You will get there if you work hard and even if you never do at least you tried hard, no regrets!!
 
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