group discussions/gatherings

[andy316]

Hello,

New member here,and I have a little question about this.

The thing is,I can go well with one on one talk,but when there is more than one there,it turns into me being quiet fool.I occasionally throw a comment here an there,but as usual,no one reacts to it and they just continuing talking what they are talking.Why is that?Why doe no one talk when I atleast throw in some comments to the discussion?And for worse,it turns out if I say something do bad,it might gt picked and turned against me(making fun of).I know people who don't even know the subject well that is being talked about but still manage to contribute.IT just feels my mind goes blank.

Now,I am sure most here have experienced this.Is this Aspergers syndrome?

 

[Shyangel]

Warm welcome to the forum, Andy!

I think your better off then me, I'm terrified in either situation.
I suppose the people talking are just involved in the current subject, I wouldn't take offense. I really doubt it's meant personally.

I don't know anything about that syndrome. I'm sorry I can't help you.

I do wish you the best.

 

[lonely_drummer]

Hello,

New member here,and I have a little question about this.

The thing is,I can go well with one on one talk,but when there is more than one there,it turns into me being quiet fool.I occasionally throw a comment here an there,but as usual,no one reacts to it and they just continuing talking what they are talking.Why is that?Why doe no one talk when I atleast throw in some comments to the discussion?And for worse,it turns out if I say something do bad,it might gt picked and turned against me(making fun of).I know people who don't even know the subject well that is being talked about but still manage to contribute.IT just feels my mind goes blank.

Now,I am sure most here have experienced this.Is this Aspergers syndrome?

I am the same way. I'm pretty good one on one for the most part, still pretty awkward but once I'm around more than one person I barely speak and I find when I do like try and say something funny I notice it just goes silent, the completely opposite reaction I was expecting.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

One on one usually works better for me. Group settings can be intimidating for the reasons you mentioned. If I don't know the people well, I tend to stay silent. What has helped me though is speaking clearly when I do say something and saying it loud enough for them to hear me (that also helps limit the "what did you say?" questions and comments which just add to my anxiety); the way we say things matters just as much or more than what we actually say. Asking questions is sometimes how I contribute when I don't know much about a subject. The cool thing about that is that sometimes I learn something new and can talk about it later. I don't know if what you describe are symptoms of Asperger's or if it is a social anxiety thing or maybe just plain introversion. Welcome to the forum btw

 

[Invisibleman]

For some reason im the complete opposite. Im uncomfortable in a group but im much more comfortable than one on one. When im in a group albeit scared, I can talk with such a booming and confident voice and everybody listens. One on one however im extremely uncomfortable,when I talk my voice is so shaky and nothing more than a squeak. This is what makes me wonder if il ever get a girlfriend,im yet to come across somebody im completely comfortable with one on one.

 

[Griffin]

The thing is,I can go well with one on one talk,but when there is more than one there,it turns into me being quiet fool.I occasionally throw a comment here an there,but as usual,no one reacts to it and they just continuing talking what they are talking.

Yeah, I'm quite similar. I'm a lot more comfortable when it's me and another person or two. In bigger groups, I tend to fade away into the background unless someone directly involves me.

Sometimes, it depends on what comments you're making and your timing. Any comment that takes things on a tangent away from the current topic of conversation (usually) isn't going to draw a good reaction.

 

[Moo]

I'm the exact same way. I feel like I can be almost totally anxiety free with one on one (obviously depending on who it is) whereas in a group situation I'm awful. In groups of more than 4 or 5 people I lose my voice entirely. The weird thing is (although I hate it) I can speak in front of a group if I'm given an entrance to the conversation by someone asking me a question. The problem is when it's all on me to join it.. my voice is nowhere to be found.

 

[andy316]

I want to tell a little story here and maybe people here might help me why is this happening.

I live in an aparent with 3 people.Now roommate A came here new and knows very few people(only people from his own home).He just met someone here a while ago in a CLASS and now because of him,not only he goes to clubs but met all his friends.That is some serious luck.

Roommate B is from here so he hangs out with his old friends.Maybe he met people her I dunno.A great guy but you get idea that he isn't too interested in making friends with any of us.Again,he is lucky since he has people here who haven't left yet(kept the story bare so that you can get the idea)

This is just a simple example on how luck plays here and how it helps you.So far A and B get along pretty good lately but obviously I am left out with no how of ever knowing them.I can be all open and social as I want(join groups),but what point is there if they don't want to talk to me and I have no luck or skills.

I just wish I was dead long ago.

 

[Mickery]

I'm the same, and I think it's because a group of people feels like having an audience instead of a direct interaction. Speaking in front of people is a very common fear of course, and it's something that someone with SA is naturally going to be sensitive, but I think it's more than that... like the spotlight effect of making a speech combined with the intimate criticism of personal interaction, both at once.

It's hard to explain, but I suppose I'm preaching to the choir anyway. At least one of the evaluation questions during my therapy - that you have to do every 2 weeks to track progress - was about how uncomfortable you feel doing things in front of other people. Not in the sense of making a speech that would bother most people, just normal things. Lots of people hate being on the phone in front of other people too, I don't know. I think I've seen eating mentioned quite a bit. It strikes me as one of the traits that has something in common with the wider world.

Edit: Hm, that was rambling. Oh well.