Opaline
1
I overheard a conversation on the bus the other day and I forgot about it until just now. It got me thinking about something that really frustrates me.
These two women were sitting in front of me, speaking loudly enough that I couldn't really concentrate on the book I had in my hands. One of them was trash-talking another woman to someone. From what I could see/hear she seemed like she was in her 20's, but the things she was saying made her sound like a high schooler (although... again, you know how females are, haha). I heard her saying things like, "Ugh, everyone tells her she's so pretty but she wears too much makeup and like, she just seems too enthusiastic about everything. Like can you really be that happy all the time?" and so on. Her friend interrupted her at one point and said something like, "I really don't think she's that bad. No offense, but I think she's nice and... to be honest you just sound jealous. It's been almost two years now so why are you still talking about her like that?" There was a beat or so of awkward silence - or maybe I was the only one feeling awkward, but I almost empathized with the trash-talker - and the other girl replied, "I'm definitely not jealous. I just find her annoying sometimes," and the friend said, "Well I'm sorry but you sound like it." The trash-talker said, "Trust me, I'm not," and the two of them were quiet for a bit, one checking her phone, the other looking out the window. The bus actually arrived at the station about 10 seconds after that so I couldn't hear how the rest of the conversation panned out. Bummer, hehe.
Now, this is nothing new. We all know people can be vicious. It does seem like most of the problem is with girls though - the cattiness and gossip. I've had my share, as well as heard other people's stories, of gossip and slander. Hell, I lived in a house with 10 other girls for 3 years in high school. People always like to say, "Oh, so and so is just jealous." I don't think this is always the case. Some people are just cruel or self-seeking. But many, many times I think some of these people do speak this way out of jealousy And it isn't always JUST females. But male or female, I think there are certain things that clue you in whether it's jealousy or not, like the time frame. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone going on and on about someone, quite a while after an incident occurred or the person was out of his or her life. It makes you wonder why they're still so obsessed if this person is supposedly so inferior to them?
My younger sister is an example. She's only 15, but while she was in boarding school she was really jealous of one of her classmates. She didn't outright say she was (at least, not right away), but I could just tell. Even after she left boarding school for good, she would constantly bring this girl up and criticize her pictures on Facebook, trying to find any little thing wrong with her - although she didn't really believe these things, I don't think; she was just trying to convince herself. She seems mostly over it now, but once in a while she'll mention the girl and I'm just like, not this again... but I guess I can't talk, I bring stuff up over and over, they're just not specific people
What I'm kind of dreading is having to deal with this bitchiness all throughout my life. There is nothing so soul-sucking as a catty gossip. I certainly don't want any of those types in my personal life. If I discover someone is like that, sayonara. No toxic people, please. Not to say we don't all talk about others to some extent. But there's a fine line between that and being someone who constantly puts down others.
Anyway... I wanted to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think that girl was right - does trashing someone like that, or seemingly looking for flaws in them, make you sound jealous, or not necessarily? Because I hear that a LOT - "she's just jealous of you" - and I'm not sure how often it's true. When do YOU think it's jealousy and when is it just meanness or a love of gossip? Any personal experiences with this?
*I should probably note that a lot of times it's probably envy and not jealousy - people often confuse the two. It would only be jealousy if it's a perceived threat to a relationship or something similar, I would think.
These two women were sitting in front of me, speaking loudly enough that I couldn't really concentrate on the book I had in my hands. One of them was trash-talking another woman to someone. From what I could see/hear she seemed like she was in her 20's, but the things she was saying made her sound like a high schooler (although... again, you know how females are, haha). I heard her saying things like, "Ugh, everyone tells her she's so pretty but she wears too much makeup and like, she just seems too enthusiastic about everything. Like can you really be that happy all the time?" and so on. Her friend interrupted her at one point and said something like, "I really don't think she's that bad. No offense, but I think she's nice and... to be honest you just sound jealous. It's been almost two years now so why are you still talking about her like that?" There was a beat or so of awkward silence - or maybe I was the only one feeling awkward, but I almost empathized with the trash-talker - and the other girl replied, "I'm definitely not jealous. I just find her annoying sometimes," and the friend said, "Well I'm sorry but you sound like it." The trash-talker said, "Trust me, I'm not," and the two of them were quiet for a bit, one checking her phone, the other looking out the window. The bus actually arrived at the station about 10 seconds after that so I couldn't hear how the rest of the conversation panned out. Bummer, hehe.
Now, this is nothing new. We all know people can be vicious. It does seem like most of the problem is with girls though - the cattiness and gossip. I've had my share, as well as heard other people's stories, of gossip and slander. Hell, I lived in a house with 10 other girls for 3 years in high school. People always like to say, "Oh, so and so is just jealous." I don't think this is always the case. Some people are just cruel or self-seeking. But many, many times I think some of these people do speak this way out of jealousy And it isn't always JUST females. But male or female, I think there are certain things that clue you in whether it's jealousy or not, like the time frame. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone going on and on about someone, quite a while after an incident occurred or the person was out of his or her life. It makes you wonder why they're still so obsessed if this person is supposedly so inferior to them?
My younger sister is an example. She's only 15, but while she was in boarding school she was really jealous of one of her classmates. She didn't outright say she was (at least, not right away), but I could just tell. Even after she left boarding school for good, she would constantly bring this girl up and criticize her pictures on Facebook, trying to find any little thing wrong with her - although she didn't really believe these things, I don't think; she was just trying to convince herself. She seems mostly over it now, but once in a while she'll mention the girl and I'm just like, not this again... but I guess I can't talk, I bring stuff up over and over, they're just not specific people
What I'm kind of dreading is having to deal with this bitchiness all throughout my life. There is nothing so soul-sucking as a catty gossip. I certainly don't want any of those types in my personal life. If I discover someone is like that, sayonara. No toxic people, please. Not to say we don't all talk about others to some extent. But there's a fine line between that and being someone who constantly puts down others.
Anyway... I wanted to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think that girl was right - does trashing someone like that, or seemingly looking for flaws in them, make you sound jealous, or not necessarily? Because I hear that a LOT - "she's just jealous of you" - and I'm not sure how often it's true. When do YOU think it's jealousy and when is it just meanness or a love of gossip? Any personal experiences with this?
*I should probably note that a lot of times it's probably envy and not jealousy - people often confuse the two. It would only be jealousy if it's a perceived threat to a relationship or something similar, I would think.
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