Gay or shy

[summertimesadne]

Hello!

I am deeply in love with someone who i cant figure out. I met him year ago and i caught him staring at me every time. We held hands when crossing street. It was just amazing night out.
He went away to study in Europe. We chatted almost every day and i was the one, who was the first who started and i told him that i feel weird starting convos, like being annoying. He said no and "no bother". We talked hours and hours, about everyything.
When i chat with men, in some point they get a bit naughty but he didnt. When he came home for one week, he messaged me and we met- i went to get him from the club and he was a bit tipsy. So yeah, he was all over me...

Then he went back and now he is back for good. I have said that lets meet up, he says yeahyeah we must. Still.. it has been 6 months and we havent met.

Now we talk 1 day in a week but i would want to talk to him for days, every day, i cant stop thinking about him. everything i do or hear or happens, i wanna tell him. i want him by my side.. but i cant figure him out.

Is he gay or just shy? He only adds male friends to FB. I havent heard him talk about some girl friend NEVER! He had a relationship when he was 16-18 and now he is 26 and no girl. not once.

I cant say he is shy because he has so many friendcircle, he knows everybody etc. He likes to talk in front of a large group of people.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to be clingy. Everytime i go out to party, i think of him and just get super sad, because i miss him.

I have no idea how he feels... when we talk, we talk about everything. He search answers for me, he gets protective when i speak about when someone acts badly with me.

Sorry for the long story but have somebody been in this situation, that they cant figure out if the guy is super shy or he isnt just into you?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, there are multiple explanations for his actions. His adding male friends on Facebook could be due to him being gay or it could be that he feels more comfortable talking to men/is intimidated by girls. He could not be mentioning girlfriends because he doesn't want to talk about it for whatever (personal) reason. He could be too busy to be able to see you right now. There are far too many explanations for his actions with little evidence to support any of them. You would be the best judge for that, I would think. If all else fails, ask him directly how he feels about you.

 

[Odo]

Adding male friends means you're gay?

I was under the impression that gay guys usually have more female than male friends. I guess if the male friends are flamboyant looking and make comments like 'you go girl' or whatever then yeah, he might be gay, but I don't think that not having female friends means you're gay... it wasn't even so long ago that the exact opposite of that was true.

I don't know what's up-- why don't you ask him?

 

[summertimesadne]

Well.. to be honest, i forgot the very important part that usually gay guys have more girlfriends. Well.... this is a smth to think about. How could i be so stupid that i forgot this very important detail..

so this leads to this- maybe he is super shy around girls and thats why he doesnt have any?


I dont know whats up. If he wouldnt want to talk to me or if hes not that into me, he wouldnt ever bother to search stuff for me (for my work) etc.

We never really talk about something "nasty" or "sexual". Never. Or a very very flirty stuff.... weird. I texted with him this friday and he didnt reply where i asked if he is free after. I reminded him that i texted him and then he wrote "lol" and replied what he was doing after.

Oh well... im gonna try to do something but i really need to swallow my pride for this.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Maybe you could say you like him and think about him a lot. Hopefully he says me too or something.

 

[bsammy]

this guy kind of sounds like me, beside the idea of him on facebook as im no on there..i can be quite social and seem engaged and interested in women but in reality im detached emotionally.i have found they take a liking to me but i dont feel the same towards them in terms of liking them in an emotional sense or wanting to be with them.this has thrown women off and they dont understand me as like Op said, most guys will tend to strive for hanging out and then sex whereas this guy OP is talking about seems almost indifferent..either he isnt that into you or he has a very difficult time forming true bonds with people.or deeply introverted maybe?i can talk and hang out with a woman one night and then not feel the need to be with her or even talk to her for weeks, perhaps longer.

 

[Bronson99]

This kinda makes me think about a common complaint shy men have about women.. that is, women are usually too hesitant to explain their feelings. Sometimes, you just have to be more straightforward.

 

[Flanscho]

Why don't you just ask him every now and then whether he wants to join you to some event you enjoy? Like, museum, cinema, flea market, whatever...

 

[THeCARS1979]

Hello!

I am deeply in love with someone who i cant figure out. I met him year ago and i caught him staring at me every time. We held hands when crossing street. It was just amazing night out.
He went away to study in Europe. We chatted almost every day and i was the one, who was the first who started and i told him that i feel weird starting convos, like being annoying. He said no and "no bother". We talked hours and hours, about everyything.
When i chat with men, in some point they get a bit naughty but he didnt. When he came home for one week, he messaged me and we met- i went to get him from the club and he was a bit tipsy. So yeah, he was all over me...

Then he went back and now he is back for good. I have said that lets meet up, he says yeahyeah we must. Still.. it has been 6 months and we havent met.

Now we talk 1 day in a week but i would want to talk to him for days, every day, i cant stop thinking about him. everything i do or hear or happens, i wanna tell him. i want him by my side.. but i cant figure him out.

Is he gay or just shy? He only adds male friends to FB. I havent heard him talk about some girl friend NEVER! He had a relationship when he was 16-18 and now he is 26 and no girl. not once.

I cant say he is shy because he has so many friendcircle, he knows everybody etc. He likes to talk in front of a large group of people.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to be clingy. Everytime i go out to party, i think of him and just get super sad, because i miss him.

I have no idea how he feels... when we talk, we talk about everything. He search answers for me, he gets protective when i speak about when someone acts badly with me.

Sorry for the long story but have somebody been in this situation, that they cant figure out if the guy is super shy or he isnt just into you?

:sad: I am intimidated by girls too and Im passed 26. I wait to long and all, But it doesnt mean that someones gay

 

[ffeev223234]

No i sell propane

 

[noaalessi]

It may just be that he's lost interest. That's something you have to begin to accept, but it'd be good if you spoke to him about the situation.

Good luck

 

[summertimesadne]

Dont know.. today i talked to him and i encouraged him to ask me to cinema to see this very scary movie. but he couldnt ask directly. I gave him "yes" but he didnt plan any day to go so i hope he will some day come and asks me to go.

 

[coyote]

Dont know.. today i talked to him and i encouraged him to ask me to cinema to see this very scary movie. but he couldnt ask directly. I gave him "yes" but he didnt plan any day to go so i hope he will some day come and asks me to go.

why don't you just ask him to go?

 

[summertimesadne]

I will give some space to him and if he hasnt asked me for some days i will ask

 

[dandriv25]

Is he gay or just shy? He only adds male friends to FB. I havent heard him talk about some girl friend NEVER! He had a relationship when he was 16-18 and now he is 26 and no girl. not once.

I'm 27 and am very shy around women/girls. I've never been involved with anyone or had a girlfriend. I have all male friends from college who I talk to a lot. I went to an all boys school and just feel more comfortable talking to men. I can't talk to girls face to face at all. It terrifies me!

I'm not gay though.If I was I would have acted on those feelings by now. Maybe your friend feels the same way. Talk to him and see if he can share anything with you about how he feels.

 

[Earthcircle]

Well.. to be honest, i forgot the very important part that usually gay guys have more girlfriends.

I am gay, and male, and I have tons of male friends on Facebook. In fact, I have to keep reminding myself to add female friends, because my tendency is not to add them. (I hope I don't sound sexist.) Anyway, despite the stereotype of gays being extraverted -- gay men are perceived as being Elaine Stritch in a male body -- I think that gayness often causes one to be very shy. It's potentially awkward in conversation, at the very least.

 

[Flanscho]

I am gay, and male, and I have tons of male friends on Facebook.

For me it's the opposite. I'm male and heterosexual, and if you'd ask me to list the 5 or 8 or so closest friends I have, then I'd only list women. Why? I don't know. It just happened this way. *shrugs* It's not like that I'm on the hunt for female friends. Things just happen.