Frightened of parties....

S

Stefan

New member
Well mostly any social events I'm frightened off, but I'm seventeen now and I get so damn scared when it leads up to a party that I've been invited too. I nervously think about it all week, treating everyday like it might be my last - I'm too scared to socialize because I don't want to seem boring, I find it hard and frightening to keep a conversation going to the point that I just try and avoid them all together. Most of the time I just miss them and come up with some lame excuse as to why I didn't go.

My social life has rotted to non-existence...I'm just so scared of conversations, large groups of people and small groups all the time...I'm a lot more comfortable on my own. I want to go - More, I want to not be afraid to go, I want to be comfortable like every else seems to do so damn easily and not alienate myself away from my 'friends'. But 80% of myself is fearful...telling me not go, people will judge me, there won't be anyone comfortable to be with there.

I really hate myself for this, it's tonight and I'm wondering what the hell I should do. Maybe the fears of a silly teenager doesn't match up to the even worse problems on this board, but I have no-one to talk to. If I do nothing about it I'll just become (more) lonely later on in life.

What do you do when you're invited to social events?
 
foxdude

foxdude

Well-known member
I myself love to party, despite my sp.
I just make sure that, at the party, i'll be surrounded by a (large) group of friends, so there's no chance of standing there alone.
I know it might not sound like the cleverest advice, but getting slightly drunk is, for most people, an excellent way of forgetting about their social anxiety.
I also think parties are an excellent way to fight against social phobia...lots of 'normal' people are uncomfortable going to a party, so i guess it's one of the most frightening social environments there is. Just by showing up and at least trying to socialize, you're doing yourself a favour.
 
DarkSeeker

DarkSeeker

Well-known member
Party? What's a party? Is this when like I was 4 and the Fatman brought me to the Fatbitch's house where he would drink lots of alcohol, while the Fatbitch tried to touch me in places and threw food at me like I was some sort of zoo animal.

I don't understand parties, there's nothing fun about parties. Faking and acting hypocritical to get Narcissistic supplies is something totally foreign to me, I hate attention and I hate Narcissistic supplies. Makes me wonder why I'm even posting here. Oh I know why... damn thing...
 
lurknomore

lurknomore

1
DarkSeeker said:
Party? What's a party? Is this when like I was 4 and the Fatman brought me to the Fatbitch's house where he would drink lots of alcohol, while the Fatbitch tried to touch me in places and threw food at me like I was some sort of zoo animal.

I don't understand parties, there's nothing fun about parties. Faking and acting hypocritical to get Narcissistic supplies is something totally foreign to me, I hate attention and I hate Narcissistic supplies. Makes me wonder why I'm even posting here. Oh I know why... damn thing...
Click to expand...

lol- I would probably agree with this... but I have another question- what's an "invitation" and how do you get them? I've never been to a "party" to know what one is even like- I've only ever been invited to family gatherings and Christmas parties at work- which I know don't really count. :confused:::p:
 
Devrium

Devrium

Well-known member
Invited to Social events? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Like that would ever happen. And if I was... no way in HELL would I go. I am scared to leave my house to check my mail most days... Pretty much the only social events I go to are my Buddhist meetings and for me, those are different because they are more like family. And I know they aren't judging me... so I feel comfortable there. Also there usually aren't that many people around. Other than that... I stay far far away from society. In fact, this is about as close as I ever get...

As far as any advice I would have for you... I think it's healthy to go out and be around people, especially at your age and I commend you for having the courage to even consider going.. and to actually attend a party is like a huge step forward (in my book) even if you are terrified... the fact that you are there and giving it an effort is great, even if you only stay for a little while. I don't know what to tell you about calming down though... I mean when I have to go into public I put in my ipod and look down at the ground until I get to my destination (usually the hospital or doctors) and then I pretend I am not there until I get safely home... Seeing as you would be expected to socialize I don't think that would much work for you lol... Maybe just try to visualize yourself having fun and doing well.. remember to breath and think of what a good time you will have? I don't know really... But good luck either way!
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
your not alone i dont go to them as well , i used to go but not anymore ... i could i soppose but i dont get invited anymore ... not that i get invites anymore anyway ... funny thing is i couldnt care less , im more into enjoying my weekends doing what i want to do than mixing at partys , its all false crap talk , you can see it in there eyes pretending to be enjoying themselves , when really half of them just want to go home :rolleyes:
 
V

Vecis

Well-known member
I am frightened by the parties until I start drinking then I become "social person". I know its bad, but I need alcohol to feel good in parties.
 
coriander1992

coriander1992

Well-known member
I'm the same age as you and feel exactly the same!
It's probably not the most helpful advice long-term, but alcohol does help in these situations. You don't have to get off your face or anything, but if you drink enough in advance that you don't feel the anxiety any more it can be really helpful. The alcohol actually makes me rather extroverted and I enjoy being in the social situation, suddenly always having something to say, whereas without it my mind is just totally blank.
Give it a go, experiment in advance to determine how much you need to drink to feel more confident.
 
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I_jailed_me

I_jailed_me

Well-known member
Stefan said:
Well mostly any social events I'm frightened off, but I'm seventeen now and I get so damn scared when it leads up to a party that I've been invited too. I nervously think about it all week, treating everyday like it might be my last - I'm too scared to socialize because I don't want to seem boring, I find it hard and frightening to keep a conversation going to the point that I just try and avoid them all together. Most of the time I just miss them and come up with some lame excuse as to why I didn't go.

My social life has rotted to non-existence...I'm just so scared of conversations, large groups of people and small groups all the time...I'm a lot more comfortable on my own. I want to go - More, I want to not be afraid to go, I want to be comfortable like every else seems to do so damn easily and not alienate myself away from my 'friends'. But 80% of myself is fearful...telling me not go, people will judge me, there won't be anyone comfortable to be with there.

I really hate myself for this, it's tonight and I'm wondering what the hell I should do. Maybe the fears of a silly teenager doesn't match up to the even worse problems on this board, but I have no-one to talk to. If I do nothing about it I'll just become (more) lonely later on in life.

What do you do when you're invited to social events?
Click to expand...


Recently i had to attend a family function in a 5 star hotel and the function was all about me!! I went attended and i freaked out with a pulse of 200 beats per/.min, terrified everyone who came there and came back happily. I do that every day where ever i go..

I am just terrific...!

Just go if you want or dont go dont bother too much..everyone are morons with their faults and insecurities.
 
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K

Krista

Well-known member
Stefan said:
Well mostly any social events I'm frightened off, but I'm seventeen now and I get so damn scared when it leads up to a party that I've been invited too. I nervously think about it all week, treating everyday like it might be my last - I'm too scared to socialize because I don't want to seem boring, I find it hard and frightening to keep a conversation going to the point that I just try and avoid them all together. Most of the time I just miss them and come up with some lame excuse as to why I didn't go.

My social life has rotted to non-existence...I'm just so scared of conversations, large groups of people and small groups all the time...I'm a lot more comfortable on my own. I want to go - More, I want to not be afraid to go, I want to be comfortable like every else seems to do so damn easily and not alienate myself away from my 'friends'. But 80% of myself is fearful...telling me not go, people will judge me, there won't be anyone comfortable to be with there.

I really hate myself for this, it's tonight and I'm wondering what the hell I should do. Maybe the fears of a silly teenager doesn't match up to the even worse problems on this board, but I have no-one to talk to. If I do nothing about it I'll just become (more) lonely later on in life.

What do you do when you're invited to social events?
Click to expand...

It's alright hun, there are actually a lot of younger people on here. This was my same problem when my SA was pretty severe. At first, I would go to them but I NEVER talked unless it was with my best friend who I was with and I stuck to her like glue because the thought of being left alone in a room with people I don't know terrified me to the point of freezing up and not moving.

At the age we're at, being much younger than some others it seems really hard. Everything is about being social when you're that young, what your friends are doing, how everyone is perceiving you, what they're going to think. Everything you said is EXACTLY on point with how I use to feel. The only thing I could suggest is to go see your doctor and maybe start talking to someone about it, a family counselor at least. I did the same and it's been extremely beneficial for me. I got so bad that I wouldn't see my friends for months at a time, everyone stopped inviting me to hang out with them because I made things so awkward for everyone. My whole fear of no one accepting because of how I was turned me into the person that I was afraid everyone saw me as. Once I could talk about it, get to feeling better about myself because I had a very, very bad opinion of me it gets so much easier to take things in stride.

I'm not saying that this is the answer to your problems, you have to work hard to get through them and you have to commit to something like this. It sounds like a good idea but if you let fear take over at all, your thoughts are going to drown you in negativity and you'll never reach where you want to go. I would hate to hear that you end up like how I was. I don't know if any of this helped at all, but you're certainly not alone in feeling like it and I only hope you have the best outcome :) It helps, of course that you can talk here and if so, I'm always open to talk with as well dear.
 
Eam

Eam

Well-known member
lurknomore said:
Try alcohol at your own risk...

YouTube - Tequila ad

Although I'm sure some of the side effects and warnings are things you might want to happen ::p:
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Awesome :D

It's true though, it does help. The advice about surrounding yourself with close friends sounds good too. I would advise trying your best to go.. the more you avoid, the harder it gets.

I avoid parties because I usually don't see myself as equal to the people there, sad, but thats what puts me off them. Now I haven't been invited to a party for about... 5 months, and yes, I avoided that one.

Perhaps I should take a leaf out of Peter Griffin's book and try to fool people into thinking I'm something I'm not. Although it didn't end too well for him ;)

YouTube - Family Guy - Peter the Cowboy Astronaut Millionaire Exposed as a Phony
 
Nocer

Nocer

1
i stop over thinking and just become someone else. it's pretty easy

OI!what with this boy in the bubble buisness?!?!
 
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apollo

apollo

Well-known member
You should go to parties. They're not as bad as you think. Other people usually end up looking like idiots. And there is a lot of noise so no one hears every word you say. Plus you only need to do small talk. Where are you from, what school do you go to...Just relax try to be chill and don't think too much.
 
Ignace

Ignace

Well-known member
Hi Stefan, I'm sorry you feel the same as me. I'm 17 also and been twice to a partyin my whole life, and they were disasters, I'm not gonna give it a third go. The first one was very close to me, so i decided to go with friends, but i was more outside than inside and stayed like 30 mins. The second was with school with every class in my grade, these were like 200 ppl. I seemed to be the only one who hated it, i was a bit on the dancefloor but did nothing, I was just standing there. Gave it up after like 30 mins of boringness, then for another half hour in the bar, back to the dancefloor standing ... like that for like 3 hours. After that I was tired as hell of fake smiling and being bored and I felt socially attacked so I isolated myself. Had alot of comment that night & much weeks after. So no more parties for me, If I want hard music, I'll do it with my own speakers at home.
 
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